Oct 95. Phil calls Liam a wind up merchant. Liam calls Nigel a fat drunken ponce. Nigel calls himself a growing lad. Michelle calls herself a total prat. Michelle calls Albert Square a dump and Walford an even bigger dump. Pauline calls Michelle a selfish little madam who her whole life has never shown any consideration for anyone but herself. Gary calls Michelle a damn good housing officer. Grant calls Michelle a rabbit in a trap, a bit like bacteria and stupid. Michelle calls Grant a liar, a coward, a bastard, an East End thug, a bit of rough who loves himself more than anything and a kid who's never got away from his mother's apron strings. Robbie calls Grant a psychopath and a maniac. Alan calls Grant a diabolical liberty taker. Tiffany calls Grant pathetic, no better than an animal and not even that good in bed. Grant calls Tiffany a brainless idiot, bad news and unfit to speak Sharon's name. Tiffany calls the Vic a scuzzy old boozer full of sad people. Tiffany calls Ricky a stupid half-witted pig. Pauline calls Martin a naughty disobedient little boy. Pauline calls Ted a piece of rubbish. Alan calls Pauline a raging loony. Grant and Wellard impregnate Michelle and Freda the greyhound. Michelle leaves forever in the back of a cab. Sonia plays the trumpet. Jun 03. Big Mo calls Jim an old git. Alfie calls Big Mo an old trollop. Dennis calls Pauline a silly old cow. Dennis calls Vicki a silly cow and a chip off the old block. Pauline calls Vicki a nightmare. Sharon calls Vicki pregnant. Sharon calls Dennis one of them chameleons and a really bad influence. Paul calls Billy a big girl's blouse and a doughnut. Kat calls Alfie a big geisha girl and a plonker. Billy calls Alfie a mug who lets Kat get away with murder. Kat calls herself a drunk old slapper and insanely besotted with Alfie. Alfie calls himself a right plonker and one hundred percent mad about Kat. Kat calls coq-a-vin sex in a lorry. Alfie calls Nana Moon a bit eccentric. Ash calls Martin scum. Martin calls Tariq scum. Tariq calls Martin a moron. Asif calls Tariq a total plonker. Tariq calls Asif a plonker and a dog. Asif calls himself our guide to all things subcontinental. Ash calls Tariq the dregs and a creep. Martin calls Kareena well fit. Kareena calls Martin so smug it makes her sick. Spencer calls Kareena Asian. Kat calls Dennis a scum bag. Phil calls Dennis a scum bag and a half-wit. Dennis calls Phil a Teletubby. Phil calls Brazil a long way to go for an ear bashing. Dennis calls Kate a policewoman with a weakness for bad boys. Phil calls Kate the best thing that's happened to him and a cheap little scrubber. Phil calls Fake Sam Mum Mark II. Ash punches Tariq. Phil punches Dennis. Kate slaps Phil. Admiral Piett from The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi throws a tomato at a policeman. Cherie Blair's dad gives Alfie a condom.