Useless things the soaps taught us

Hi everybody:

I´m going to recycle an old video series I already posted on my Facebook page, hoping you will have as fun as I did when I made it! I have re-titled this series of posts (and videos) as you can see above. They will belong to the primetime soaps from the 80´s to the most recent ones ("Empire"). No need to say you can comment or discuss the subject of the "teaching"...and express your own opinion, as humorously as always.

So we all watched (and rewatched) our dear supersoaps, and many of us still do. But the point is...do we realize what they (seemed to) try to taught us?

This is a countdown from last (#50) to first, being the last...

"Never fight someone who looks like your twin" (She might kick ass harder than you!)

CLASH OF THE KRYSTLES

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From "Dynasty"´s "The Vigil". Starring Linda Evans &...Linda Evans.

PS: No spoilers about the soaps post-"Revenge". Eg: A catfight from "Empire" is ok but not

Spoiler

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"Never allow your kids to play with matches until they live on their own (and as far as possible)"

#49: BURN, VICTORIA, BURN


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From "Revenge"´s "Burn". Starring Madeleine Stowe, Emily VanCamp & Roger Bart. ​

 

"Never try to kill your sister-in-law (or your stepsister, either) using your car (too obvious...)"

#48: THE FALL OF CONSTANCE COLBY

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From "The Colbys"´s "The Letter". Starring Barbara Stanwyck, Stephanie Beacham & Charlton Heston.
Note: Go to 6' to see the scene in question if you are in a hurry. If not, watch the whole thing, you´ll have fun!​

 

"Never go to the cheapest surgerian for a little nice nip/tuck..."

#47: THE RETURN OF FRANKENKIMBERLY


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From "Melrose Place"´s "The Bitch Is Back". Starring Marcia Cross and Thomas Calabro.

 

"Never forget to wear warm clothes if you go to disco - even when you´re dancing"

#46: FRIDAY NIGHT FEVER


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From "Dallas"´s "Lessons". Starring Victoria Principal, Patrick Duffy, Charlene Tilton & Steve Kanaly.

 

"Never allow your pet to watch you kicking your enemy´s ass - he might need years of therapy"

#45: CATFIGHTS ARE NOT FOR DOGS



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From "Dynasty"´s "Fear". Starring Joan Collins, Diahann Carroll & Gordon Thomson. Special Guest Appearance: Poochie by Gucci.

 

"Never wear something cheap when you might have a catfight - Design clothes are for winners"

#44: COOKIE´S FORCE AWAKENS
(aka NO COUNTRY FOR BOO BOO KITTIES)

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From "Empire"´s "Who I Am". Starring Taraji P. Henson, Grace Gealey, Bryshere Y. Gray & Trai Byers​

 

"Design clothes are for losers too, sometimes. Beware where you get into at night!"

#43: SUE ELLEN, SCREAM QUEEN


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From "Dallas"´s "Rock Bottom". Starring Linda Gray and unidentified weirdo extras.

 

"Follow the trends but do not be a fashion slave - and especially, never be tacky"

#42: ALEXIS, "BLUSHING" BRIDE


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From "Dynasty"´s "The Wedding". Starring Joan Collins & Lloyd Bochner.

 

"If you sense you are being stalked, never forget one thing: wash your hair with shampoo Le Paige. At least you´ll make a pretty corpse!"

#41: HAIR-RAISER II: THE REVENGE

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From "Knots Landing"´s "Little Girl Lost". Starring Nicollette Sheridan & Bruce Greenwood.
Note: Go to 2'55' for the scene in question. If you have time, watch the whole video. It´s "Knots Landing", after all!

 

"Never forget double-checking the guest-list for your wedding, or you might end up having a typical Tuscany wedding"

#40: NO MORE FIGHTS (ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...IS ENOUGH)

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From "Falcon Crest"´s "The Uncertainty Principle". Starring Ana-Alicia, Susan Sullivan, David Selby, Jane Wyman, & Mariska Hargitay, among others.
Note: Go to 42' for the big wedding crash from Melissa & Carly Fixx (and others).

 

"Never trust the bitch in the beach house...she could end up bombing your apartment!"

#39: DR. STRANGE LOVE OR: HOW I LEARNED TO LOVE THE BOMB

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From "Melrose Place"´s "The Big Bang Theory" (2) & "Post Mortem Madness". Starring Marcia Cross, Heather Locklear, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Thomas Calabro, Laura Leighton, Josie Bissett, Andrew Shue, Daphne Zuñiga, Kristin Davis, Jack Wagner, & Morgan Brittany.​

 

"Never let your Momma take decisions for you when you are growing up (you might regret it some day!"

#38: THROW MOMMA DOWN THE STAIRS

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From TNT "Dallas"´s "Ewings Unite!". Starring Judith Light & Mitch Pileggi.​

 

"Never let a blonde tramp have the last laugh (or the last slap)!"

#37: MARKED WOMAN


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From "Dynasty"´s "The Hearing" (2). Starring Pamela Locklear & Heather Bellwood

 

"Never go to bed with someone who could be your grand-daughter!"

#36: GRUMPY OLD MAN
(aka PRETTY (SLUTTY) WOMAN)

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From TVM "Dallas: J.R. Returns". Starring Larry Hagman & Tracy Scoggins.
Note: Go to 5'2'' to watch a truly disgusting scene (or truly exciting, if you love cougars) with Monica Colby transforming into the "Queen Beech" and seducing good ol´ J.R.


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"Never lend your scissors to next door´s neighbor - you might end up accused of murder!"

#35: NO MORE MRS. NICE GIRL

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From "Knots Landing"´s "Poor Jill". Starring Joan Van Ark & Teri Austin. ​

 

"Remove your furthest relatives before they can remove the money from your accounts!"

#34: INGLORIOUS BASTERD

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From "Falcon Crest"´s "Tarantella". Starring Gina Lollobrigida, Paul Freeman, Lorenzo Lamas, Jane Wyman, & Simon MacCorkindale, among others.​

 

"Never trust a woman who can hide 50 different killing weapons inside her gown!"

#33: MATADORA


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From "Dallas"´s "Nothing´s Ever Perfect". Starring Barbara Carrera & George Chakiris.
Note: Go to 0'5'' if you are in a hurry and don´t want to see Lauren Hutton´s tits. Otherwise, watch the whole video.

 

"Never forget to put on a bulletproof vest when you get dressed for a wedding!"

#32: MY BIG FAT MOLDAVIAN WEDDING


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From "Dynasty"´s "Royal Wedding". Starring Catherine Oxenberg, Michael Praed, John Forsythe, Linda Evans, Joan Collins, Diahann Carroll, Gordon Thomson, Pamela Bellwood, Jack Coleman, Billy Campbell, Ali MacGraw, and other people pretending to be dead.