Hi Everyone, So I'm back with a brand new story. I hope that you are all doing well and are safe in this trying times that we are currently facing in the world. I know a lot of people around the globe are currently in lock down or are afraid for their health or the health of a family member or friend. So I wanted to share this little story that I wrote last year with the hope that it might mean something to someone who reads it. I had originally not planned to post this story until later when things have slowed down at my work. But because of Corona some things I am working on are now on hold and I have more time on my hands. So I will give it a try and post it now. I might not be able to update every day, but I will try to update regularly. So I hope you will read it and stick with the story until the end. Before I post the first part I want to just say something about what inspired me to write this. First off I wrote the first part because @ilovesoaps100 asked me to write a story about John Ross and Pamela Rebecca. So I figured I'd give it a try and write a one shot. But then the story grew... What triggered me to write this was the death of Ken Kercheval. Before he died I always hoped that Dallas would come back again and that Cliff Barnes would get out of prison. I really hated what they did to his character on Dallas TNT. However after Ken died I realized that even if Dallas were to come back again it would have to be without Cliff Barnes so the only way to redeem the character and right some wrongs that I think were made on Dallas TNT was to write a fanfiction that tied up the loose ends that we were left with. I don't think it was fair to leave the show on that cliffhanger. So well this story is for all the fans that want some closure. Everything that happened on Dallas TNT is canon. But since we can't have Dallas TNT without a few plot twists I might alter some things we saw happening on that show to give Dallas the kind of proper ending that it deserves. Feedback is as always appreciated as I'd love to hear from you what you think. I'd love to get some discussion going too. Enough said and on to the story. Take care, Love: Karin. Title: ”Forgiveness” Author: Karin. Rating: PG-13. Time: Set in 2015 with some flashbacks to the 1970’s, 1980’s, 1990’s and 2010’s. Disclaimer: I don't own the characters that inspired me to write this. They were created by David Jacobs and Cynthia Cidre. This is a work of fan fiction written for entertainment purpose only. I don't own anyone or anything of it except for the idea for the plot. The flashbacks from the original show and Dallas TNT belongs to the writers who wrote the episodes those scenes are from. Author's note: Okay so this is my first and probably only Dallas TNT fanfic. So I am not sure if I've managed to capture the TNT characters properly. Keep that in mind when you'll read it and I hope you will enjoy it. Dedication to: All of my readers who have enjoyed and left feedback on my long “Dallas in the 90s” story. Feedback: Yes please. I really love to hear from you. Since this is my first Dallas TNT fanfic I'd really like to know if you appreciate it or not. Please no flames. Warning: This story deals with a main character's death. Forgiveness Pamela Rebecca Barnes Ewing was an emotional mess. She had always known that this day would come but she hadn’t been able to anticipate how she would be feeling or how much her father’s death would actually affect her. Yes he had been quite old, but somehow she hadn’t counted on that he would die this soon and now when he had it had released all kinds of emotions inside of her. The initial shock had subsided by now and had been replaced by feelings of sadness, emptiness, numbness, confusion and a raw kind of grief that was tearing at her heart. Yet she found herself unable to truly grieve for her father. In fact she had not shed a single tear for him. Maybe it was because if she did she would never stop crying. So she had tried to tell herself that it didn’t matter that her father was dead since he had practically been dead to her already for months. But it didn’t stop the pain inside of her or ease her conscious. Because there was one emotion that stood out above all of the rest that she was feeling and that was guilt. Her father had loved her and yet she had helped framing him for a murder he hadn’t committed. She had sent her own father to jail. Deep down she had known that it was wrong but she had felt like she was justified in her behavior since she was just getting revenge on her father for killing her unborn babies. She had kept telling herself that locking up her father was the only thing she could do in that situation. Because the man was obviously a danger to others and it was better to put him behind bars than let him ruin any more lives. She had only visited him once in that Mexican prison. It was a god awful place and yet she had left him to rot there. It pained her to think about it now and yet she couldn’t think of anything but that. The memories of the last time she had seen him was just as vivid today as it had been on the day she’d left him there. It had been one thing to know that her father was in prison. But to actually see him there she had to gather up all her strength, as she approached him. “Pammy, I knew you would come, thank you,” he smiled at her, as he was happy to see her. Seeing how frail her father looked in that orange prison uniform and how much effort it took for him to even stand up she couldn’t help but feeling a bit guilty. So as they sat down at the table she looked down, avoiding eye contact at first, “I’m sorry,” she apologized before she looked up searching for her father’s reaction, “I’m sorry for helping the Ewings put you in jail. For failing to protect your legacy.” He had looked stunned, as he hadn’t expected her to apologize to him. But then he’d found his composure, “Your whole life, I warned you about trusting the Ewings. I was trying to protect you, but what matters now is that you do know the truth and I didn’t kill JR,” he smiled, thinking that his torture was over. Surely his daughter would let him out of prison now. “So now you can get me out of jail and we can have a second chance. We could start all over. We could get the company back together,” he reached out his hands for hers, but she refused to take them as she was trying to stay cold. But his next words got to her, “I love you Pamela. I miss you so much,” his voice was soft with emotions and knowing that he meant it affected her more than she wanted to admit and she had to blink back the tears before she tried to remember why she was really there. So she picked up the document she had come to give him. Thinking it was his release papers he had looked satisfied at first. But noticing what it really was he looked bewildered, “It’s a deed to Ewing six, that was Digger’s...” Her lip trembled ever so slightly before she told him what was the harsh truth, “That part of land was robbed from your father and because of that, I was robbed from ever having one.” “Pamela...” he tried to object but she wouldn’t hear him out. “All I ever wanted from you,” she sighed before she went on, “was love,” she looked up at him, her face hardening as her voice threw the accusation at him, “but you always hated the Ewings more than you ever loved me.” “Darling that’s not true.” “Yes it is!” she spat out, the anger and torment noticeable in her eyes, “Because if you truly loved me, because if you truly wanted to protect me, then you never would have done what you did when you killed my babies.” He actually had enough sense to look down in shame when she told him that, “I could never forgive you for that.” “I’m so sorry for what I did...” he said in a raw voice as his face turned into a grimace. He breathed in heavily through his nose, in something which sounded almost like a sob, as he realized what her words meant for him, “but you...wanna leave me here?”He looked pleadingly at her, but seeing the answer in her eyes he said defeated, “Then you’ll forgive me if I stay in prison?” He looked sad and so broken down before he admitted, “I know I failed you,” he hung his head in shame again, “I did. I did.” The tears were welling up in her eyes, as she hadn’t expected her father to actually apologize to her. Yet it changed nothing. “It’s over now,” she said coldly, but the pain was visible in her eyes, “You’ve revenged the wrongs done to your father,” she sighed, as she tried to make up her mind what to do. But searching deep inside of her heart she knew that she could never let him out, so she continued, “and I’ve revenged the ones done to me by mine!” He moved his lips like if he wanted to tell her something more, but she didn’t want to hear it. So she got up from the table and walked away, leaving her dad sitting there in shock. Turning around one last time she took one final look, “Goodbye Daddy!” She’d said coldly and the look of anguish on her father’s face had haunted her ever since. She had broken his heart. She had left him to die in jail. But of course she hadn’t known that then. But now she knew and their last conversation had played up over and over again in her mind like a broken record, ever since she’d found out that her father was dead. Going over their conversation again and again in her mind she had come to the conclusion that her father must have loved her after all. He had wanted a second chance with her, but she had denied him that and left him to die in prison, despite that she knew that he had not done the crime he was committed for. She had thought she was doing the right thing. But she had blood on her hands. She had killed a man and her father had helped her cover it up so she wouldn’t go to jail. He had protected her then. But she had still left him to rot in that hell hole. Thinking about it now made her feel guilty. Of course when she’d left him to die there, all alone in prison, she hadn’t known about the tumors in his nervous system. Neurofibromatosis had damaged his cranial nerves and it had been a slow and painful process. The many surgeries to remove the tumors in his brain was what had caused his personality to change. The different parts of his brain was no longer functioning normally and that had made him act crazy. On top of that his hearing had also suffered. Eventually the tumors in his brain had been impossible to operate and once they’d made it to his brain stem he had been dying. Her mother had told her that her father had been sick for years before he died. Of course by the time she’d found out about it, it had been much too late. Her father was gone and she could never see him again to tell him that she understood it now. His irrational behavior was not just due to hatred against the Ewings, which she had thought, it was because of his illness. Realizing that had been like an epiphany to her. The only sad thing was that it was much too late. The Barnes-Ewing feud would finally be put to rest with her father and even though that was good, a part of her couldn’t help but feeling bitter when she thought about how royally the Ewings had screwed over her father. The Ewings had won and the Barnes had lost. She was a Ewing too now and yet she didn’t feel like a winner. She felt like a loser. Because just like her grandfather had lost the girl he loved to Jock Ewing and her father had lost his daughter to the Ewings, Pamela Rebecca had also lost almost everything that she had held dear in life. Her husband, her babies, her father and her company. She had nothing left. All that remained were the memories of her shattered dreams and her father’s voice that was echoing in her ears. We can have a second chance. We could start all over. He had told her but she had refused to give him that chance. Your whole life, I warned you about trusting the Ewings. I was trying to protect you. Yes he had told her over and over again never to trust the Ewings and what had she done, she had gone ahead and married one and not just anyone, but JR Ewing’s son at that. But she had thought that John Ross really loved her. So she hadn’t cared that her father didn’t approve of their relationship. She had gone ahead and fallen head over heels for John Ross Ewing anyway and all it had given her was a broken heart. John Ross had seemed like a sweet boy who really cared about her. So she had sacrificed her own father for him and what had he done to thank her – he had betrayed her. He had cheated on her and had probably only married her for business reasons and that had been a bitter pill to swallow. All I ever wanted from you, was love, but you always hated the Ewings more than you ever loved me. She had accused her father of not loving her. But she knew now that he had been right and that he had loved her. I love you Pamela. I miss you so much. Her father had told her and she had missed him too and yet she had never told him that. She hadn’t even told him that she loved him and yet she did. You killed my babies. I could never forgive you for that. She had accused him and to her surprise he had apologized. I’m so sorry for what I did...I failed you. He had admitted his short comings and pleaded for her forgiveness. You’ll forgive me if I stay in prison? But she had not forgiven him and now the man she had called daddy was dead. It was too late for them. She would never see him again and it filled her with sadness and guilt. She felt like she had wronged him and it made her feel awful. “Pamela?” For a moment she had thought that her father’s voice was still echoing in her mind but when she turned around she found herself standing face to face with her ever loving husband. She hadn’t even heard him entering their bedroom and she was not happy to see him. “What are you doing here?” she sneered at John Ross. “I thought you might need a shoulder to cry on,” John Ross said, his Texas drawl visible in his voice. “If I did, it would never be yours,” Pamela replied. “That’s not what my memory tells me,” John Ross said. “I comforted you after you lost your babies.” “Christopher comforted me,” she corrected him. “Fine, have it your way,” he said, as he walked up to her. “I only know what I know and that is that you are my wife and that I love you...” “If you truly loved me you wouldn’t have cheated on me with Emma...” she told him, only realizing once the words had left her lips what she was doing. She was pushing John Ross away in the same way as she had pushed her father away. She had told herself that her father didn’t love her, just like she was telling herself now that her husband didn’t love her either. But she had been wrong about her father. So could it be that I’m wrong about John Ross too? The thought was unwelcomed but it was there. “Darling please, you have to forgive me for that,” John Ross said pleadingly. “Give me one good reason why I should?” “Because I love you Pamela.” There it was again, those three little words that her father had also told her. I love you Pamela. Hearing her father’s voice echo inside of her mind as the past and the present blurred together she closed her eyes and shook her head. “Pamela?” John Ross asked worriedly. “What’s the matter?” “My father is dead,” Pamela replied solemnly. “I know we are going to his funeral today,” John Ross said, “So considering don’t you think we should put our differences aside and start over?” His words triggered something in her, as she could remember how her father had asked her the same thing, “Why should I forgive you for what you’ve done when I couldn’t even forgive my father?” Pamela yelled. “He loved me too you know?” “Did he now?” “Yes he did. My father died loving me,” she insisted as one solitary tear found its way down her cheek. “So did mine, but our fathers are gone now so don’t you think it’s about time that we laid the ghost from our past to rest once and for all and move on with our lives?” He paused for a moment, “We should start a family of our own. I thought you wanted kids...” His words made her think about her lost babies once more and thinking about everything she had lost more tears spilled over in her eyes and made their way down her cheeks. Before she knew how it had happened she was crying real hard. “I do but...” “No buts...” he pulled her gently into his arms, “Here let me comfort you.” He gently stroke his hands over her back and she let it happen. She found comfort in him when she thought that there was no comfort to be found. She cried her eyes out. She cried for her father and for the babies that he had deprived her. But also for herself and the lack of a normal childhood and that’s when she knew that this was right. She wanted a child and she wanted to put the ghosts from her past behind her once and for all and move on. It was time that she started to think about the future instead. Her father was dead and the loss of a parent was a heavy burden to bear. So she would grieve for him. She would miss him. She would regret the way she’d left things with him. But she would not let him ruin her life from the grave. She would forgive the Ewings for forcing her to chose between her father and them and she would patch up her marriage and have kids. At that moment she didn’t feel like a loser anymore. Yes she had lost a great deal when her father died. But not everything since she still had her husband and he would help her get through this day. Then once her father’s funeral was over they would start all over again. She would forgive John Ross and together they’d put an end to the Ewing-Barnes feud, that had ruined so many lives, once and for all.