Only Fools And Horses Fanfic. Set January to August 1994.

[Emmerdalefan]

Right this is a fanfic of Only Fools and Horses set over the months of January to August 1994. The start of the fanfic is set at New Years Day 1994, and it is a week after end ending of Fatal Extraction, the 1993 Xmas special of which ended quite sadly as Raquel had swapped Damien's highchair with Beverley's answer machine and it still had the message on it that Del had asked Beverley out for a date and broke it off making Raquel think all the weeks he had been down the pubs and clubs was he was really having an affair but really it was when Del and Raquel temporarily split up during the episode.

One thing I am surprised at is why Rodney didn't stick up for Del and say to Raquel Del had asked her out when they had split up and Del later came to his senses. Again that is another OFAH permanent cliffhanger I always wondered what the outcome was. Although Del and Raquel must have got back together as 3 years later in the 1996 trilogy Del and Raquel were together.

So this is a fanfic set inbetween January and August 1994. Del celebrates his 49th birthday in the fanfic and a few more loose ends are tied up. In the prequel some of the dates were contradicted so this fanfic explains a few. In The Class of 62 Del said had left school in 1962 and hence the episode title but in the Rock And Chips prequel he had left in 1960 which is what year the prequel was set in bar episode 3 the last one.

Del is selling a new line of toasters and Raquel has still not come back to him, she is staying with her parents in Milton Keynes. Also a much loathed enemy of the Trotters returns to Peckham despite promising never to.

THE OPENING CREDITS ROLL. END OF THE CREDITS IS THE USUAL SCENE OF THE CAMERA PANNING UP NELSON MANDELA HOUSE AND THE THEME TUNE SAYING WHY DO ONLY FOOLS AND HORSE WORK, LA, LA, LA, LA.......

INT. NAGS HEAD. NOON.

Mike Fisher is chatting to Boycie. Boycie is smoking a cigar and has a pina colada. Uncle Albert Trotter is playing badly on the piano the tune Oh Susannah.

MIKE How is business Boycie?
BOYCIE Not bad Michael. Not bad. Sold a Skoda last week though and the customer bought it back the following day.
MIKE Why?
BOYCIE He noticed the fake number plate.
MIKE Do you ever change?
BOYCIE No Michael. Not really.
MIKE Why do I let him over there play the piano in my pub is beyond me. I must be soft.
BOYCIE Or stupid.
MIKE Quite right. I's still like to meet the git who told him he could sing.
BOYCIE Michael, the Trotters can never sing, ever. Del Boy and Rodney have also proved that.
MIKE Even Trigger has a better voice.
BOYCIE Jesus Christ, he is worse.
Albert finishes the piano and a few elderly ladies clap him including Dora, Boycie's mother in law.
ALBERT Navy rum please Mike?
MIKE Albert this is a miracle.
ALBERT What is?
MIKE You played a tune on the piano and no one took the piss.
ALBERT Up your shirt. Navy rum.
MIKE Ooh sorry Albert did I hit a nerve?
BOYCIE Dont worry Albert, he gets ridiculed over his beer sometimes.
ALBERT Especially by Trigger.
Rodney Trotter walks in with a suitcase.
RODNEY Half a lager please Mike. Alright Boycie?
BOYCIE Blimey that suitcase is a bit battered. Is it really a fish then?
RODNEY Very funny Boycie. Our 3 wheel van is better than the junk you sell.
BOYCIE My cars are quality used cars.
PUNTER (To Boycie) Oh Boyce, when I go back to work do you want me to get that old banger off that bloke for us to put in your showroom?
BOYCIE Yeah fine thanks James.
MIKE Del Boy be down in a minute will he?
RODNEY Yes he is just finishing cleaning up at the market. Have been selling his latest line of merchandise today.
MIKE Usual crap then.
RODNEY Yeah. He is still cut up over Raquel.
MIKE But Del broke off his date with Beverley and it was when him and Raquel had split up just before Christmas.
ALBERT Yaarrrh but Raquel can be stubborn. She and Damien is still with her parents. Bad how relationships break up. During the war...
RODNEY (Cuts in) Shut up Albert. I want a pint of beer not a nautical yarn.
Mike and Boycie laugh. Del Boy Trotter walks in. He is wearing his chequered cap and his camel hair coat like he did in the 1980s.
DEL BOY Alright Boycie, Mike. Navy rum for Albert, usual for Rodney, cognac for Boycie and can I have a Vodka and cherryade topped up with ice, lemon, slice of lime, parasol and cherry on the top please?
MIKE No pina colada Del.
DEL BOY Nah fancy a change Mike.
BOYCIE Not seen you in that camel hair coat since that time you adopted your yuppy image.
MIKE And fell on your bum through a hatch once.
DEL BOY You weren't there.
MIKE Nah but Trigger was and told me all about it.
DEL BOY Can i have a drink now please Michael?
MIKE Still down in the dumps over Raquel hey?
DEL BOY Yeah well one of them things. She'll be back as I did say it is the real deep love thing.
MIKE Anything you say Del.
DEL BOY Anyway while we are here Michael what do you have for breakfast.
MIKE Del you have known me 10 years you should know.
DEL BOY Do I know everything Rodney does, and he is my bruvva.
MIKE Porridge.
DEL BOY Not toast?
MIKE What are you getting at Del Trotter?
Del bends down to pick something up off the floor. He produces a trashy looking toaster.
DEL BOY How would you like to buy one of these advanced technology toasters? They retail at £55 up Oxford Street but for you 10 nicker.
MIKE No thanks.
DE BOY Is that a yes then?
MIKE I dont want one. I have a toaster, a proper one.
DEL BOY Cheeky git these are top of the range Mike. I can see you are interested really. It is in your eyes.
RODNEY Yes I can see you are pining for it Mike.
DEL BOY Shut it Rodney you twonk.
MIKE Del watch my lips very closely. I do not want one of your toasters. (serves Del his drink)
DEL BOY (To Boycie) Gawd it is hard selling this junk sometimes.

EXT. PECKHAM CEMETERY. AT JOAN TROTTERS GRAVE. AFTERNOON.

Del and Rodney are stood at their mum Joan Mavis trotter's grave.

RODNEY Why have you bought me here again Del?
DEL BOY Show some decorum Rodney round your mothers grave. We packed up selling down the market an our early today so we could come here before it gets dark. It is New Years Day as well.
RODNEY And we were the only traders down there. Why did you suggest working New Years Day?
DEL BOY Business is business. We nearly got caught Jaws though. The old bill. Notice the death date on your mums grave.
RODNEY I have seen it often enough. 12 March 1964. I was 3.
DEL BOY It is now 1994 and it is just over 2 months until the 30th anniversary of her passing from this mortal curl.

to be continued.......

[Emmerdalefan]

continued.......

DEL What with me and Raquel at loggerheads now I always visit mums grave in times of trouble. She's be 70 this year if she was alive.
RODNEY I sometimes think about her.
DEL BOY I do a lot but you can always dwell on the past. When we become millionaires well will get her an obelist.
RODNEY Its obelisk.
DEL BOY You can say that again bruv. Nah this monument needs tarting up a bit.
RODNEY Oi remember what happened last time?
DEL BOY When? Oh you mean the luminous paint. I did not know at the time. That was years ago now. Trigger supplied the paint.
RODNEY And we ended up decorating a Chinese takeaway in the stuff.
DEL BOY See, you always dwell on the past. Mr Chin said he wanted us to do his living room in it as he liked it.
RODNEY So he could cook that cat that ran out when me you and Grandad went in there to decorate. You said "No 39 is off the menu".
DEL BOY Rodney that was 12 years ago. Talking of Grandad, lets go and see that old dipsticks grave now.
Rodney sighs in annoyance.
RODNEY Del Cassandra is waiting for me back at home.
DEL Still trying for a baby then?
RODNEY Of course.
We see a shot of Grandads grave. It reads "Edward Kitchener Trotter died 12 January 1985 aged 79".
DEL 9 years almost since he died.
RODNEY So what is going to happen with you and Raquel?
DEL BOY I dunno. I asked Beverley out those weeks ago when me and Raquel had split up, then you talked me out of the date and then I made it up to Raquel. I never knew she would swap that answer phone with Beverley and the message still be on it cancelling the date. Raquel still thinks I was out with her all those weeks when I was down the casino putting a deal together with Ronnie Nelson over those duff Russian VCRs.
RODNEY I have tried saying that to her as well but she wont listen.
DEL BOY Why would she take advice from a plonker like you anyway?
Del Boy walks off towards the van. Rodney sighs. He then follows Del.

INT. TROTTERS FLAT, NELSON MANDELA HOUSE. EVENING.

The flat is stocked with boxes of those Russian VCRs and a few boxes of toasters. Uncle Albert is sat in his sofa eating. He hears the hallway door shut and quickly jumps up and grabs the broom. Del then walks in.

ALBERT Alright Del had a good day?
DEL BOY Smashing Unc. You?
ALBERT Yaaarhhh.
DEL BOY I see you have been busy doing the housework Uncle Albert.
ALBERT Yaaarhhh I have not stopped since 3 o'clock.
DEL BOY Haven't you? I bet if I sat in that sofa now it would be warm.
Albert sighs knowing Del knows he just jumped up as he came in.
ALBERT I have been busy.
DEL BOY That wool you have still has not reached over my eyes yet.
ALBERT So what is the latest on you and Raquel?
DEL BOY I dunno. Rodney asked me that as well. I just want her back.
ALBERT Go to Milton Keynes to see her.
DEL BOY Nah. I saw that Beverley in the high street yesterday and she walked the other way. She knows not to come near me or my family again. At the minute it is just me and you Unc. I know I take the mick out of you and Rodney a lot but it is all just banter. I prefer to chat to you about Raquel than to Rodney for some reason.
ALBERT Thanks Del. An old sea dog like me over Rodney, fancy that.
DEL BOY Rodney can be a 42 carat plonker but he has a heart.
ALBERT Raquel may come back soon Del.
DEL BOY Doubt it unc, doubt it.
ALBERT She was never a good actress anyway.
DEL BOY Shut up you soppy old git.

EXT PECKHAM MARKET STREET. MID FEBRUARY 1994, 6 WEEKS LATER.

Del Boy is stood spieling about his toasters while Rodney is on lookout.

DEL BOY These are guaranteed to give you hard core, soft core and pimples on the tongue. Gather round ladies and gents because at the prices I am selling thse I cannot afford to deliver.
Rodney sees Trigger walking past.
TRIGGER Watchya Dave.
DEL BOY (to Rodney) Rodders am I keeping you awake.
RODNEY Never mind me Del carry on.
DEL BOY Not with you starting to nod off again you lazy git. At it last night were you?
RODNEY No.
DEL BOY Why?
RODNEY Cassandra had a headache.
DEL BOY If you had one you'd be sexually compatible for the first time ever now wake up. The Blues and Twos may be sniffing around.
Del starts spieling to the punters again.
DEL BOY Come on ladies and gents gather round to see the new advance technology designed toasters. These retail at fifty quid up Regent Street but I am virtually giving them away here at a tenner each. Now I cant say fairer than that can I? These toasters toast your bread twice as fast as normal toasters.
PUNTER Yes they burn them within 2 seconds of being put in there.
DEL BOY Course they dont you plonker. These are state of the art.
PUNTER I aint a plonker.
DEL BOY Well you are doing a good impression of one keep it up.
RODNEY Del Boy. Look.
Del Boy and Rodney look and see a copper nearby. They start to pack up.
DEL BOY Sorry everyone gotta dash. I have to propose a toast.

to be continued.........

[Emmerdalefan]

continued.......

DEL What with me and Raquel at loggerheads now I always visit mums grave in times of trouble. She's be 70 this year if she was alive.
RODNEY I sometimes think about her.
DEL BOY I do a lot but you can always dwell on the past. When we become millionaires well will get her an obelist.
RODNEY Its obelisk.
DEL BOY You can say that again bruv. Nah this monument needs tarting up a bit.
RODNEY Oi remember what happened last time?
DEL BOY When? Oh you mean the luminous paint. I did not know at the time. That was years ago now. Trigger supplied the paint.
RODNEY And we ended up decorating a Chinese takeaway in the stuff.
DEL BOY See, you always dwell on the past. Mr Chin said he wanted us to do his living room in it as he liked it.
RODNEY So he could cook that cat that ran out when me you and Grandad went in there to decorate. You said "No 39 is off the menu".
DEL BOY Rodney that was 12 years ago. Talking of Grandad, lets go and see that old dipsticks grave now.
Rodney sighs in annoyance.
RODNEY Del Cassandra is waiting for me back at home.
DEL Still trying for a baby then?
RODNEY Of course.
We see a shot of Grandads grave. It reads "Edward Kitchener Trotter died 12 January 1985 aged 79".
DEL 9 years almost since he died.
RODNEY So what is going to happen with you and Raquel?
DEL BOY I dunno. I asked Beverley out those weeks ago when me and Raquel had split up, then you talked me out of the date and then I made it up to Raquel. I never knew she would swap that answer phone with Beverley and the message still be on it cancelling the date. Raquel still thinks I was out with her all those weeks when I was down the casino putting a deal together with Ronnie Nelson over those duff Russian VCRs.
RODNEY I have tried saying that to her as well but she wont listen.
DEL BOY Why would she take advice from a plonker like you anyway?
Del Boy walks off towards the van. Rodney sighs. He then follows Del.

INT. TROTTERS FLAT, NELSON MANDELA HOUSE. EVENING.

The flat is stocked with boxes of those Russian VCRs and a few boxes of toasters. Uncle Albert is sat in his sofa eating. He hears the hallway door shut and quickly jumps up and grabs the broom. Del then walks in.

ALBERT Alright Del had a good day?
DEL BOY Smashing Unc. You?
ALBERT Yaaarhhh.
DEL BOY I see you have been busy doing the housework Uncle Albert.
ALBERT Yaaarhhh I have not stopped since 3 o'clock.
DEL BOY Haven't you? I bet if I sat in that sofa now it would be warm.
Albert sighs knowing Del knows he just jumped up as he came in.
ALBERT I have been busy.
DEL BOY That wool you have still has not reached over my eyes yet.
ALBERT So what is the latest on you and Raquel?
DEL BOY I dunno. Rodney asked me that as well. I just want her back.
ALBERT Go to Milton Keynes to see her.
DEL BOY Nah. I saw that Beverley in the high street yesterday and she walked the other way. She knows not to come near me or my family again. At the minute it is just me and you Unc. I know I take the mick out of you and Rodney a lot but it is all just banter. I prefer to chat to you about Raquel than to Rodney for some reason.
ALBERT Thanks Del. An old sea dog like me over Rodney, fancy that.
DEL BOY Rodney can be a 42 carat plonker but he has a heart.
ALBERT Raquel may come back soon Del.
DEL BOY Doubt it unc, doubt it.
ALBERT She was never a good actress anyway.
DEL BOY Shut up you soppy old git.

EXT PECKHAM MARKET STREET. MID FEBRUARY 1994, 6 WEEKS LATER.

Del Boy is stood spieling about his toasters while Rodney is on lookout.

DEL BOY These are guaranteed to give you hard core, soft core and pimples on the tongue. Gather round ladies and gents because at the prices I am selling thse I cannot afford to deliver.
Rodney sees Trigger walking past.
TRIGGER Watchya Dave.
DEL BOY (to Rodney) Rodders am I keeping you awake.
RODNEY Never mind me Del carry on.
DEL BOY Not with you starting to nod off again you lazy git. At it last night were you?
RODNEY No.
DEL BOY Why?
RODNEY Cassandra had a headache.
DEL BOY If you had one you'd be sexually compatible for the first time ever now wake up. The Blues and Twos may be sniffing around.
Del starts spieling to the punters again.
DEL BOY Come on ladies and gents gather round to see the new advance technology designed toasters. These retail at fifty quid up Regent Street but I am virtually giving them away here at a tenner each. Now I cant say fairer than that can I? These toasters toast your bread twice as fast as normal toasters.
PUNTER Yes they burn them within 2 seconds of being put in there.
DEL BOY Course they dont you plonker. These are state of the art.
PUNTER I aint a plonker.
DEL BOY Well you are doing a good impression of one keep it up.
RODNEY Del Boy. Look.
Del Boy and Rodney look and see a copper nearby. They start to pack up.
DEL BOY Sorry everyone gotta dash. I have to propose a toast.

to be continued.........

[cardiff1984]

Wow, this is brlliant Emmerdale Fanatic. This should have been made into a proper episode. It has the the proper characters sense of humor too,
impressive, loved it when Rodney said, that the 3 wheeled van is better than the junk that Boycie sells, look forward to more. this is great.............................

[Emmerdalefan]

INT. NAGS HEAD. LUNCHTIME.

Trigger is sat at the bar talking to Mike.

TRIGGER St Valentines Day tomorrow.
MIKE I know Trig. Although I cant see you getting a card.
TRIGGER You never know Mike. My luck might be in.
MIKE Yes and Del Boy is a quantum physics expert.
TRIGGER I saw Del and Dave down the market an hour ago.
MIKE You see them every day dont you though Trig.
TRIGGER Good that Del and Raquel are back together.
MIKE Del made her see sense. And the riots on the estate have stopped.
Del and Rodney walk into the pub.
DEL BOY Alright Mike, Trigger. Pina colada for me and half a lager for Rodders here. Same again for Trigger.
TRIGGER I am OK actually Del Boy. Alright Dave.
RODNEY Dear God cant you ever call me Rodney, that is my name.
TRIGGER Oh sorry Dave.
Rodney sighs.
DEL BOY Good that me and Raquel have reconciled, esp as Valentines Day is tomorrow.
TRIGGER I might get a card tomorrow.
MIKE Yes and I might win the pools.
RODNEY Even trigger may get luck one day.
DEL BOY The last time Trigger got luck was when he was told he could push a broom.
MIKE Oh yes Del I thought I saw a blast from the past earlier on.
DEL BOY Oh yes. Who?
MIKE I think he was the man who organised a school reunion here a few years back.
DEL BOY (realising who it could be) You what?
MIKE Was it the Class of 62 or something?
TRIGGER That would be Roy Slater.

To be continued..............

[cardiff1984]

Awesome, just awesome and so funny.....

lmao at Rodney saying can't you ever call me rodney that is my name and Trigger saying, oh sorry dave.

And Rodney refrencing, even trigger might get lucky and del saying Trigger last got luck is when he pushed a broom.

just genius, I hope Roy Slater isn't gonna cause Del and Raquel more problems.......look forward to more.

You should be a script writer, just genius.

[Emmerdalefan]

continued......

MIKE Ah yes that's him. The one who you two forced out of Peckham over some dodgy deal he was up to.
DEL BOY I told him to get out of the area and never come back at all so he has broken that promise.
RODNEY We said we'd send a copy of that letter about those stashed diamonds to the old bill if he did return.
DEL BOY And if he told 1 person even that he was married to Raquel.
MIKE Ah but you were just bluffing as you said your photocopier didn't work.
RODNEY We have nothing on him Del.
TRIGGER Nothing on him? You did have something on him once, a coat you once sold him.
DEL BOY No we dont mean like that...oh I give up.
RODNEY Trigger we meant we have nothing on him as in no evidence against him. Nothign on him is a saying.
MIKE Rodney give up explaining to him. He is best suited to his broom and dustpan.
TRIGGER Sorry Dave. So what is he doing back anyway? What you gonna do?
DEL BOY Dunno Trig. He has some nerve coming back to Peckham.
TRIGGER Course he has nerves. Everyone has nerves in their body.
Del, Rodney and Mike look at each other and shake their heads.

INT. TROTTERS FLAT LOUNGE.

Raquel is feeding Damien at the breakfast table. Del Boy storms in, quite angry. He throws his cap on the floor.

RAQUEL Had a nice day Del Boy?
DEL BOY Nah not really. Where is Albert?
RAQUEL Gone to the over 70s club.
DEL BOY Good because I have got to speak to you in private.
RAQUEL Damien, me and your dad are going into the kitchen, I shall keep the door open.

to be continued....(called away arghhhh)

[Emmerdalefan]

continued...

INT. TROTTERS KITCHEN.

RAQUEL If this is about Beverley from the dentists I am leaving and not returning this time.
DEL BOY Au contraire Raquel, Au contraire. She is history. You realise I made a stupid mistake and asked her out when we broke up for a short while before Christmas then got back together when I vowed to change. We have had this discussion.
RAQUEL Sorry Del, I just want you to remain faithful to me.
DEL BOY I will Raquel dont fret. I am hardly likely to go off with Sharon Stone now am I. Or local mad Blossom who always accuses people of rape, and once accused Rodney which I used to play a joke on him.
RAQUEL Typical you Del Boy. What is it you want to tell me.
DEL BOY Well I am concerned because you never guess who is back in town?
RAQUEL Not your old pal Jumbo Mills?
DEL BOY Nah he is a millionaire in Australia, why would he return to grimy London again?
RAQUEL Who is it then?
DEL BOY You will not like it, so without beating around the bush, well this is going to shock you, but..
RAQUEL Just tell me Del. (guessing who it could be) Oh no, not my ex husband Roy Slater??
DEL BOY I said you'd be shocked my lovely. Sorry sound like Blossom there.
RAQUEL Dont tempt me Derek. What is Slater doing back in Peckham? You forced him out of the area a few years back when he wanted me to sign that post nuptial agreement. And you had a copy of his letter about those dodgy diamonds.
DEL BOY But you know well that I was bluffing and just said I had a copy of the letter to that diamond merchant who had his 10 stolen diamonds. I thought that would be enough for him to leave and never, ever return to London.
RAQUEL He has been living in Essex hasn't he?
DEL BOY Yes in Colchester. Mike saw him in the Nags Head the other day. God what am I gonna do? Slater the Slag back in Peckham.
RAQUEL dont do anything stupid Del.
DEL BOY I wont but I will go and see him if I can catch up with him. Ask him what he is playing at.

INT. NAGS HEAD.

Rodney and Cassandra are sat at a table eating their lunch.

RODNEY Glad Del and Raquel are back together again.
CASSANDRA Yes that is good. Hadn't you better get back to the market after dinner as Del will be wondering where you are?
RODNEY I am waiting for Del to come here, you know us Cass. He will be here soon. Get me away from Trigger over there and Alberts bad piano singing.
CASSANDRA Why does Trigger call you Dave?
RODNEY Because he is thick. Or is winding me up.
Del Boy walks into the pub.
RODNEY Be with you Del in a minute.
DEL BOY Nah stay sat Rodders, have the rest of the day off. I need to have a talk with you anyway.
CASSANDRA I better get back to the bank. Lunchtime over. See you Del.
DEL BOY See you Cassandra. (to Mike) Mike, pina colada with extra Baileys please and a bacon sandwich.
Del sits with Rodney at the table.
RODNEY What is it? Has Raquel seen sense and left you again.
DEL BOY Dont get sardonic Rodney. She has not left me. All is well. It is about someone else.
RODNEY Oi up Del. (gestures towards someone coming in)
We then see Del and Rodney look across the pub and we then see the back of a tall man in a long overcoat and the back of his head and he has Brylcreemed brushed back hair.
DEL/RODNEY/TRIGGER/ALBERT/MIKE Slater!!!!!!!!!!!!
SLATER Hello Del Boy.
RODNEY you have a nerve Slater coming back here.
DEL BOY What did I tell you, I said never ever come back to Peckham ever again or I would send a copy of that letter to the old bill.
SLATER I have news for you. Did you really think I would leave it? No, i thought I'd wait a few years then return. I have news for you. That fax machine you showed me which you said you made a copy of that letter, well I thought This is Del Boy Trotter not Alan Sugar and thought those fax machines must be either hookie or duff. Who supplied them to you Del?
DEL BOY Shut up Slater.
SLATER (Getting angry) Who supplied then Del Boy?
DEL BOY Monkey Harris.
SLATER Spot on.
RODNEY What you getting at Slater?
SLATER Monkey Harris is the main supplier to you Del Boy and I know he is the main supplier of duff fax machines so I contacted him afterwards.
RODNEY What, you knew the photocopier did not work on them?
SLATER Yes. It may have been after you forced me out of Peckham. I left Peckham the following day. I was angry but thought I'd let you sweat for a while.
TRIGGER How can someone sweat for 3 years?
DEL BOY Shut up Trigger.

To be continued.............

[cardiff1984]

Awesome updates, again so funny, I hope Slater will not cause trouble again, Trigger is so gullible as usual, look forward to next update.....................

[Emmerdalefan]

continued.......

SLATER At least I did divorce Raquel. But I have came back to get revenge on you Del Boy.
DEL BOY You are starting to annoy me Slater.
SLATER At least I could always keep Raquel frisky.
Del Boy gets up and lunges at Slater. Trigger gets inbetween them and Rodney grabs hold of Slater. Del takes a swing at Slater but Trigger grabs his fist.
TRIGGER Leave it Del he aint worth it.
RODNEY Del, dont play into his hands.
SLATER Trigger the Baywatch man? Well I never.
MIKE Del calm down. Any more and you are out. Dont start trouble.
DEL BOY Fine, come on Rodney lets go.
RODNEY yes OK Del. Mike just remember Slater asked for that.
Del and Rodney sneer at Slater then walk out of the pub.

INT. TROTTERS FLAT. A FEW HOURS LATER.

Del is sat at the table eating his dinner with Raquel. Albert is eating his in his sofa chair.

RAQUEL You are playing with fire Del Boy.
DEL BOY How? He aint a copper anymore.
ALBERT Del someone called round when you was out and Raquel was shopping.
DEL BOY Not now Albert.
ALBERT He came to return a toaster you bought him. He put the bread in and in a few second the toaster blew up. Luckily he had a fire extinguisher nearby.
DEL BOY He must have pressed the wrong button.
ALBERT We dont want a repeat of the coach explosion on the last Beano to Margate.
DEL BOY Listen you senile old bark, get that shrapnel out of your skull. A toaster blowing up is not like a coach blowing up.
RAQUEL Slater may call the police. You should not fight with him in the pub.
DEL BOY everyone knows he is loathed and will take my side if the Gendarmes come knocking on our door.
There is a knock at the door.
DEL BOY Oh my God. Albert...answer the door.
ALBERT Me?
DEL BOY No I mean Queen Victoria's husband, of course I mean you. Answer it.
Albert gets up and reluctantly walks into the hallway.
ALBERT Who is it?
BOYCIE (calling through the door) Its Boycie.
DEL BOY Thank god. It aint the old bill. Just Boycie.
RAQUEL This time.
DEL BOY Shut up Raquel.
RAQUEL Dont speak to me like that Trotter.
Albert walks into the room followed by Boycie.
BOYCIE Hello Del, Raquel, nice to see you fully clothed.
RAQUEL Dear God my stripper days are over.
DEL BOY What have you come round for Boycie or just to make jibes at Raquel?
BOYCIE I hear Slater is back in town.
DEL BOY Correct.
BOYCIE Well you can send the copy of that letter to the old bill now as he broke his vow to never return to the area.
DEL BOY We were bluffing to him at the time.
BOYCIE So you have nothing on him.
DEL BOY It appears so. He said he wants to get revenge on me.

to be continued..........

[Emmerdalefan]

continued.....

BOYCIE Great, so what has he come back for?
DEL BOY Boycie have a day off for once. I said he has come back for revenge.
BOYCIE No Sugar Sherlock.

INT. SIDS CAFE, THE FOLLOWING DAY, MORNING.

Del and Rodney are sat finishing their breakfasts.

RODNEY Doing well with those toasters aint we Del?
DEL BOY Cushty Rodders. I am more worried about that bark Slater returning.
RODNEY Del dont give in to his taunts as he wants you to attack him so he locks you up. He is an ex copper.
DEL BOY Yes but most of his colleagues hated him.
RODNEY Yes but he came out 9 years ago when he was sentenced. Some of them may have left.
DEL BOY Are you saying he may be socialising with the newer coppers down at Peckham nick? Nah the ones there must have mentioned him to the newer ones.
RODNEY Come on Del some of the other coppers are almost as bent as Slater was.
DEL BOY Thanks Rodders for the vote of confidence. Git. Come on drink up, we have a market to go to. You had yesterday and the day before off in the afternoon, not again. We have work to do.
RODNEY Surely there must be another way we can put the squeeze on Slater over those diamonds.
DEL BOY How? When he sold them he would have destroyed the letter.
RODNEY If he did get caught again, he'd get 10 years or more.
DEL BOY I have an idea. I heard that Slater is staying with his sister in Clapham. I know she lives near Clapham Common.
RODNEY That will be easy finding her then, near Clapham Common, thousands of streets to look round.
DEL BOY Dont get sardonic Rodney, I can look her up in the phone book or on the electoral rolls. Her married name is Cakeworthy.
RODNEY Yeah well, err.
DEL BOY Speechless now are you, you wally Rodney. Come on lets go.

EXT. OUTSIDE A VICTORIA TOWNHOUSE, BACK STREET, CLAPHAM, LONDON.

Del and Rodney park their van outside the house.

RODNEY Well done Del Boy, you cracked it. She must have something to nail Slater.
DEL BOY Slater might be inside the house.
RODNEY No, when we stopped at that public toilet down Camberwell High Road I phoned Boycie. Slater is in the Nags Head chatting to Trigger.
DEL BOY You are a genius Rodney, even though you dont look it.
RODNEY Boycie was saying how Trigger sold that electric blanket alongside those knocked off stamps he got fitted up by Slater once.
DEL BOY Come on Rodders.

They get out of their van and walk up the garden path to the front door. Del boy rings the bell and Slater's sister Vera Cakeworthy answers it.

VERA Del Boy Trotter. Long time no see. What brings you to Clapham and how did you find me?
DEL BOY A thing called the phone book, its a blinding invention.
VERA Still aint lost your sarky wit Derek Edward Trotter.
DEL BOY I like being called by my full names. Edward was Grandads first name. You remember Rodney?
VERA Yes your younger brother, all zits and leaky underwear.
DEL BOY He is still the same.
RODNEY Shut it Del Boy.
VERA Come in, bit cold outside.

INT. KITCHEN, VERA'S HOUSE.

Del and Rodney are sat at the kitchen table drinking tea with Vera.

VERA I have not seen my brother Roy since he got sentenced all those years ago on the diamond smuggling trial.
DEL BOY Well he is back in Peckham again. We heard he was staying with you, his older sister.
VERA Yes, he has bought some of his suitcases here and for some odd reason a wad of papers, probably bills that he has to sort out.
RODNEY (lights up) Really?
VERA Del, Rodney could you excuse me a minute, I need to nip down the shop at the end of the street to fetch some milk.
DEL BOY Nah course not.
Vera gets up and gets her handbag.
VERA Wont be long, 10 minutes maximum. Help yourself to a biscuit. Its in that cupboard there above the microwave. Be good.
Vera exits the kitchen and walks out the front door.
DEL BOY Right we are alone. Slater must have left his stuff round. Lets go into the bedrooms see which one he is sleeping in.
RODNEY Vera's husband may be home soon as he finishes work. he may walk in while we are snooping for our luck.
DEL BOY Come on look lively Rodders.

INT. SPARE BEDROOM, VERAS HOUSE.

Del and Rodney are leafing through Slater's suitcases. Del comes across a stash of papers.

DEL BOY Might be a long shot but he may have something in here. He did say once years ago he keeps important papers other than bills in his bedroom and takes them with him when he goes away. We may be in luck.
Del is leafing through some papers and finds a letter.
RODNEY What have you found Del?
DEL BOY Hope the porridge aint got files in it. This is a letter dated 28 February 1991 from a Bond Street diamond merchant to Slater confirming that they have sold the diamonds for him and that they will be paying, whooa, £60'000 into his account.
RODNEY Put it in your pocket Del. That is concrete evidence.
DEL BOY Luvvly jubbly.

to be continued..............

[cardiff1984]

Again Wonderful Update, emmerdaleFanatic, Del Boy's and Rodney's sense of humor never stops me laughing, hope they hit Slater where it hurts,
look forward to more updates..............................

[Emmerdalefan]

I bet John Sullivan is up there is heaven smiling at my script. He is dearly missed and was taken too soon at just 64.

We find out a secret on Trigger as well soon.

continued.........

RODNEY You have nailed it Del.
Del Boy puts the letter in his coat pocket.
DEL BOY We better get downstairs before Vera come back.
RODNEY What is your plan of action Del?
DEL BOY We shall let him sweat for a few days. No rush. Let the bark spend as much time in the Nags as possible. He knows he is not welcome at our flat. The we will give him the shock of his life.

EXT. DRIED UP POND BEHIND A ROW OF 3 STOREY TOWNHOUSES, PECKHAM.

Trigger is stood with Slater at the dried up pond.

SLATER Gawd I recall having to walk the plank in all the games we played as kids.
TRIGGER Yeah great fun Roy.
SLATER Played Blue Beard once in pirates.
TRIGGER The day he had to walk the plank.
SLATER You, Boycie, Fatty Walker, Denzil and Del Boy seemed to not want me in your gang.
TRIGGER I did, it was the other lot. I was always happy to play the bloke that walked the plank but Del made it your job. And you kept yammering on about your future ambitions as a copper.
SLATER Surprised none of you became coppers.
TRIGGER Nah, we all had ambition and drive.
SLATER Thanks a bunch trig.
TRIGGER Gawd Dave, why did you drown?
SLATER What??? Come again??
TRIGGER Dave. It was 1952.
SLATER What was 1952? Dave was?
TRIGGER The year 1952, you know 42 years ago. It is February 1994 now.
SLATER For once you aren't acting the plonker.
TRIGGER Yeah that's right.
SLATER So who was Dave? My family moved to Peckham in 1953 from Islington so I never knew him.
TRIGGER Dave Fisher he was. The older brother of Mike at the Nags Head. Del Boy knows about him as well. One summer day in 1952 well we were just nippers then, were playing by this pond, me, Del, Boycie and Monkey Harris and Dave.
SLATER Trigger is there much point in me planning my future?
TRIGGER I was playfighting with Dave and Dave caught his foot on a twig near the edge of the pond. He fell in and the pond was so sludgy that he just went under. Boycie was a good swimmer so he jumped into the sludge while Del and Monkey alerted a passer by who then called for the services. It was too late. Boycie almost drowned trying to rescue Dave and he was brown bread by the time the fire engine arrived. I was gutted.
SLATER Deary me.
TRIGGER I always have regretted that day ever since and am haunted by Dave. Not a day goes by when I dont think of him. I felt guilty that I may have caused him to fall in due to us having a playfight.

INT NAGS HEAD. THAT EVENING.

Del, Rodney, Raquel and Cassandra are sat at a table. Trigger is with them.

DEL BOY Trigger why do you consider drinking Mike's beer when you always moan about it?
TRIGGER It is not really beer, it is water with a small drop of hops in it.
CASSANDRA He serves good wines.
TRIGGER Still on that baby trying program Cassandra?
RODNEY Yes Trig, can we change the subject.
TRIGGER What is a specimen?
RODNEY Dear god.
CASSANDRA Good day down the market did you?
DEL BOY Yes, sold more toasters. Got some more coming in tomorrow from Sunglasses Ron.
Slater walks into the pub.
RODNEY Ey up. Wondered what that sudden smell was.
SLATER Pint of your best please Mike. (He turns to the table the Trotters and Trigger are sat at) Del, Raquel.
RAQUEL What are you doing back Roy? I thought you finally got the message 3 years ago.
RODNEY So did we. He must have a skull as thick as a sea wall.
TRIGGER How can a sea have walls? It is water?
DEL BOY You are doing yourself no favours Slater. We asked you never to return to Peckham yet here you have.
SLATER You have nothing on me whatsoever Del Boy my old man. I like women frisky that is why I went with Raquel in the late 1970s.
RODNEY Dont rise to it Del Boy. It is what he wants.
DEL BOY Slater are you a real human or a chemical spillage like Trigger?
Del, Rodney, Cassandra and Raquel all laugh.
Trigger then laughs. All the others look perplexed.

INT. VERA'S HOUSE THAT NIGHT, SPARE BEDROOM.

Slater is in his pyjamas. He sits on the bed.

SLATER (To himself) Better have a look at my letters and check up my finances.
He gets his suitcase and gets the wad of letters out and starts sifting through them. he looks at one.
SLATER Whoo I still have £24'500 from those diamonds. Where is the original letter from the merchants, I keep forgetting how much I got for the 10 of them. Fifty or Sixty grand.
Slater is sifting through the wad and keeps sifting. He cannot find the letter. He starts to look perplexed.
SLATER Where is it? I keep it in here always. (he has another look and cannot find the letter) Oh Jesus where is it? (Calls to Vera) Vera!!!
Vera comes into the room, she is ready for bed.
VERA What is it Roy? me and Jack have to be up in the morning for work.
SLATER Have you seen any loose letters or forms laying aroudn the house?
VERA No.
SLATER Well I keep all my personal letters besides bills with me when i go away, and at home I keep them in my bedside drawer and put an elastic band round the so none go missing. I am sure I had a letter in here which has now gone. I did wonder as when i first picked them up it seemed as if they had been ruffled through but just dismissed it as my imagination. Have you or Jack been in my room?
VERA Roy no, I hoovered the room and polished it before you came and you have changed your own bed sheets. Wait a minute, the other day two men came round to visit me for a cup of tea.
SLATER Oh yeah?
VERA One was short with darkish hair and grey sideburns, aged about 50, and the other aged about 33 and taller.
SLATER (realizing who they could be) Oh my god.
VERA Whats wrong? The short man was, oh yes Del Trotter, your old schoolmate. Not seen him since you lot of school in 1960.
SLATER I thought we left in 1962, hence my reunion a few years ago.
VERA No, 1960, how can you lot forget when you left school? I left them to drink their teas while I went to get some milk.
SLATER You stupid, stupid woman. They found where you lived. I should never had said to trigger I was staying with my sister.
VERA Roy, you were done for the diamond smuggling caper. It is all over. I thought that 60 grand you got was left by dad as he left me this house. I did wonder as dad hated you more than the rest of us so wondered why he'd leave you 60 grand.
to be continued............

[Emmerdalefan]

continued...........

SLATER You stupid woman for leaving them to stay in your house while you went for a pint of milk. That gave them an opportunity to sniff around. They found my letter by going through my stuff.
VERA Sorry Roy.
SLATER Great, Del and Rodney are gonna bring me down.
VERA Roy what are you talking about? WHat have you done to upset them?
SLATER Never mind. Just go back to bed.
Vera leaves and closes the bedroom door. Slater puts his head in his hands knowing that Del and Rodney may get him right where it hurts.

INT. TROTTERS FLAT. MORNING, KITCHEN.

Raquel is preparing a fry up. Del Boy walks in. He shuts the kitchen door.

DEL BOY You spoil me Raquel you do.
RAQUEL Someone has to. You are nearly 50.
DEL BOY Not yet 49 Raquel. I will be 50 in 1995, which is next year.
RAQUEL Ok then you will be 49 in April.
DEL BOY Yes, glad it is not April 1st. April the 3rd is my birthday, 2 days out. Trigger was born on April 1st.
RAQUEL WHat is it you wanted to show me last night?
DEL BOY Oh yes, (shows Raquel the letter) this is what I need to nail Slater.
Raquel reads the letter and is shocked.
RAQUEL Oh my God that is where he got his inheritance from.
DEL BOY Yes pugging away 10 stolen diamonds. I wont send it to the old bill, I shall deliver it myself and tip them off where he is staying while back in London.
RAQUEL Del that would make my day.
DEL BOY Everything will be cushty. Just waiting for that dipstick Rodney as we have more toasters to sell.
RAQUEL Oh yes before you got up someone came and returned a duff toaster.
DEL BOY How dare he? They are quality toasters, better than the ones you buy in Comet. Dear god why do I bother, selling crap can be hard.

EXT. OUTSIDE POLICE STATION, PECKHAM.

Del and Rodney walk out of the police station. They have handed the letter in.

DEL BOY We have got him.
RODNEY He aint gonna know whats hit him. A decade in jail. He will be over 60 when he comes out.
DEL BOY After the trial which could take a month or two.
RODNEY Sooner the better if you ask me.
DEL BOY Right lets get down the market. Make some dosh.
RODNEY And sell more tosh.
Del sneers at Rodney.

INT. NAGS HEAD.

Slater is sat at the bar looking worried. Mike serves him another pint.

MIKE What is up Roy?
SLATER nothing. I just came in for a final pint before I go back to Essex. I am not welcome here so I better go back home.
MIKE Well good luck Roy.
SLATER I need to leave London quick.
MIKE You make it sound as if someone is after you. It is written all over your face.
SLATER That is my business.
[I]Mike walks off to serve another customer, Del and Rodney walk in.
DEL BOY Afternoon Roy. How are things my old mucker?
SLATER Did you visit my sister 3 days ago?
RODNEY No. Why?
SLATER She says a Derek Trotter came round.
DEL BOY More than one Derek Trotter in London, it is a big city. 8 million people, lots of Trotter families in Peckham even though we did originate up North.
SLATER Well her visitor seems to have taken one of my letters.
RODNEY Nothing to do with us.
DEL BOY Cross our hearts. Swear to die.
SLATER Well she does know another family who live nearby called Trotter.
DEL BOY There you go then. Sweet as a nut. You may have just mislaid your letter.
SLATER Well i did last look at it a year ago. Phew I can sleep easy now. Plus Vera has rubbish memory for names she has a friend called John Dover and she called him Ben once.
RODNEY What are your plans then Roy?
SLATER I might stay in Clapham with my sister now. I wont be round here as much.
DEL BOY Roy could you come with me to the entrance. Your old mum is sat outside on the bench and wants to see you again.
SLATER (falling for it) Really? I would love to see her again, hope she has forgiven me.
Slater finishes his drink and walks out with Del and Rodney. As they walk to the entrance lobby Slater notices 3 police officers stood near the entrance.
SLATER Bloody hell.
He runs back into the pub. Del and Rodney let him do so but then he alerts the police.
SLATER Mike can I use your upstair rooms for a minute?
The police grab Slater from behind and handcuff his hands behind his back.
DEL BOY Or that letter may have been taken by a Derek Trotter and handed into the old bill. You know full well I am the only Derek Trotter in London. Your sisters friends are named Trott, not Trotter and there is no one called Derek.
RODNEY We were too clever for you Slater.
The police escort Slater out of the pub. Del and Rodney cheer and punch the air.


INT. TROTTERS FLAT. 3 APRIL 1994.

There are a few birthday banners saying Happy Birthday. Del Boy walks out of the kitchen with a bacon sandwich. He switches on the TV.

DEL BOY RAquel, Albert where are you? Damien?
RAQUEL (Out of view) I am in the bathroom. Damien is at pre school. Albert has gone out.
DEL BOY Thanks my lotus flower.
He sees the news on BBC1.
NEWSCASTER ON TV More news is the trial of former policeman Roy Slater who was today convicted of diamond smuggling 9 years after his first one.
Del Boy cheers.
NEWSCASTER ON TV The 49 year old former policeman was given a 4 year sentence in 1985 for smuggling diamonds from Amsterdam and a tip off in Febraury revealed that he had hidden away 10 more diamonds with a Bond Street merchants just before he was first tried. Today he has been given a 10 year prison sentence and is not legible for parole for those entire 10 years.
DEL BOY Gotcha Slater. Your just desserts have come.

To be continued.......

[cardiff1984]

Fab Update, EmmerdaleFanatic, nice to see Slater got his just desserts, this had the makings of a true OFAH episode, look forward to
more updates.................

[Emmerdalefan]

continued....

Raquel enters from the hallways area.

DEL BOY Raquel, Slater has been sent to jail for 10 years.
RAQUEL Happy birthday anyway Del.
DEL BOY Cheers Raquel. He will not be eligible for parole until 2004 then.
RAQUEL That is great news. I was just watching it on the TV in the bedroom. You may be a rubbish salesman but are a good street wise person.
DEL BOY Raquel Trotters Independent Traders is the biggest trading business in Peckham.
RAQUEL Hardly Alan Sugar though.
DEL BOY I tell you Raquel this time next year we will be millionaires.
RAQUEL You said that this time last year and the year before and the year before that.
DEL BOY Anyway when I come back from the market today we shall celebrate down the Nags Head.
RAQUEL Can we afford more champagne?
DEL BOY Mike is great with his slate. I shall put it on that.
Rodney walks in with a birthday card for Del Boy.
DEL BOY Morning Rodders.
RODNEY There is your card Del. I shall give your present this evening down the pub. So been watching the news for any info on the trial of Roy Slater?
DEL BOY Yes, he has got 10 years.
RODNEY Yes, you beauty Del Boy. We did it.
DEL BOY Only small worry is what he might do when he gets out.
RAQUEL He is persistent is my ex. But we shall worry about that in 10 years as he has to serve at least that amount.
RODNEY So how does it feel to be 49 Del Boy?
DEL BOY Same as when I was 48.
RODNEY The big one next year. Glad I am only 33.
DEL BOY Yes. Come on Rodney you plonker lets go and sell those toasters.
RODNEY More junk to sell down the market?

to be continued...........

[Emmerdalefan]

JUNE 1994, A FEW MONTHS LATER.

INT. TROTTERS FLAT.

Albert is eating breakfast with Rodney.

RODNEY Where is Del. He should have been back an hour ago from his trip to the Isle Of Wight.
ALBERT Maybe he is jet lagged?
RODNEY Shut up you senile old goat. Anyway visits to Parkhurst must seem regular to Del Boy considering how many friends he has there.
ALBERT During the war..
RODNEY Oh God.
ALBERT My old sailor friend Nobby Curtain used to regularly disappear from the naval base when we were stationed in Portsmouth. No one knew why. Turned out he was visiting a lady friend called Annette. Nobby Curtain later married Annette. When Nobby said his wifes name after that including her surname people thought he was crazy to be married to something you hang in front of your window.
RODNEY Bloody hell.
Del Boy walks in carrying a box of electric doughnut makers.
ALBERT Tea up Del.
RODNEY So you are back then?
DEL BOY Unless I have an identical twin brother you have never met, yes it is me Rodney. Come on drink up we have these to sell.
RODNEY What are they?
DEL BOY These are my latest line. Electric doughnut makers. £10 for 10 of them. Cant be bad.
ALBERT When Nobby Curtain died Rodney, Annette married a man called Rod. When he introduced him and her as Rod and Annette they wondered if they liked fishing.
Del and Rodney stare at each other blankly.
DEL BOY You soppy old duffer.

to be continued.......

[cardiff1984]

Funny update Emmerdale Fanatic, Albert cracked a great joke there about Rob and Annette and the fishing quote, look forward to next update...........................

[Emmerdalefan]

continued.......

INT. SIDS CAFE, PECKHAM.

Del and Rodney walk in. Del is wearing a short sleeved shirt. Rodney is wearing a out of date jumper.

DEL BOY Morning Sid, usual germs and bacteria please.
SID I cook quality fry ups.
RODNEY Yeah fry up viruses.
Del and Rodney laugh.
DEL BOY Hot and sunny day out there today. Summer has arrived at last.
RODNEY Fancy buying a doughnut maker Sid?
DEL BOY It is electric.
SID Nah. Sit down and I will bring you your brekkies.
DEL BOY Come on Rodney lets sit down there.
They sit at a table.
RODNEY Wonder how slater is doing in jail?
DEL BOY Yeah, it is where he belongs. Although in 10 years when he comes out he may try and cause trouble for us again. Still, we'll be millionaires by then so we can afford security at our country mansion.
RODNEY Optimistic as ever Del.
DEL BOY Yes we will get to the top one day. My yuppie image. Although your dress sense will tarnish things a bit.
RODNEY I am no Jeff Banks.
DEL BOY More like river banks with you. Anyway i think we will do great with these doughnut makers. Tonight at the Nags Head I will ask Boycie and Mike if they want one.
RODNEY Del did you know me and Cass have put trying for a baby on hold for a while?
DEL BOY Good job as well. The neighbours must have been complaining until you stopped.
RODNEY Very funny. Cass is only 27 so we have plenty of time yet and she is still ambitious at The Bank.
DEL BOY It is almost 3 years since we went to Miami.
RODNEY What brings that up?
DEL BOY Oh just thinking about Slater in jail makes me think of Don Ochetti in jail, my double who everyone thought I was him.
RODNEY And people thinking we were Aussies.
DEL BOY Right blinding holiday that was. Rico and Salvatore taking us in only so they could kill me to make everyone think Ochetti was killed so he could really escape free.
RODNEY Although Ochetti was better looking.
Del Boy sneers at Rodney.

[cardiff1984]

Fabulous Update, the sense of humour is as great as the actual show, look forward to more updates..................