Birthday Blues

[kassidy_katherine]

So, this is the second year I get burned on my birthday by my 3 aunts. Last year none of them called me for my b-day...one had sent a gift ahead and emailed me a few days later and the other called me and sent a gift a week or so later. The third did nothing. At the time, it hurt me b/c I did not want a gift...I just wanted a phone call.

Anyway, I just had a feeling that they'd do it again this year and they did. Not a one of them called me or emailed me or texted me. And I'm dumb enough to call them for their birthdays. I really want to cut them off for good...I mean, to call me a month later makes me think that all I am in that family is an afterthought if I am lucky. But I feel that I can't forsake my Granny and I do not want her in the middle of a feud. Advice??????????

[graysonmom]

Well it's hard to give advice, not knowing your family dynamics, but I will say that not everyone likes talking on the phone and not everyone thinks its necessary--that is to say that the aunt who sent a gift but did not call might not have meant to snub you--she may have felt that by sending a gift, she DID properly recognize your day. Again, not knowing any of the details, I'm wondering why you would want to "cut them off for good" because of this. Is this the only inconsiderate thing they do? Consider their lives and how busy they are too--do you feel that they are making some effort to maintain a good relationship with you, or are they usually selfish and uncaring? Also consider how YOU feel about them--what kind of a loss would you feel if they weren't part of your life? If you barely see them, they don't show much affection for you, and you don't really care about them, then just let it go, and concentrate on maintaining relationships that are valuable to you. Granny will get over it. I'm also wondering about your choice of the word "feud". Do you think that your not calling them on their birthdays will cause world war III in your family? It sort of sounds like you want to tell them off.

Well, sorry that happened. And happy birthday!

[Jessie]

Sorry you were hurt on your Birthday, It is sad they didn't call, it takes a minute. I think some people don't think, my Brother did it to me. He said sorry after, it hurt, but he said he was busy. I know people have their own lives, not everyone thinks about stuff like Birthdays, and other events. Don't be upset, I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt you, they probably weren't thinking, and didn't think you would take it personally.

[minx]

You must be young. I don't know anyone over 30 who expects to get any kind of attention--be it in the form of gifts, phone calls, or e-mails--from their friends or families on their birthdays. As I see it, birthday greetings are a privilege; not a right. The older you get, the more you realize your birthday is just another day to the people around you. Unless you're 12 or younger, I wouldn't take it personally.

[kassidy_katherine]

I am young, but let me say this...they have always called before...ALWAYS. And where we come from, a phone call is NOT expecting too much...my Granny and her siblings call each other and they are all over 50. So, I think the "privelege" thing is sort of off. Expecting gifts...yes that is something a child would do and those are not expected. But we all do call each other.

And no, it's not the only inconsiderate thing that they have done...this is the most minor of the things. The major ones are when my Granny invites me to spend a few days with her and the aunts show up and act like I am some kind of urchin who came in on the bottom of someone's shoe. So, it's not just over a forgotten call.

[graysonmom]

Well then, I guess I'd probably stop calling too. You'd probably want to discuss it with Granny first just to tell her what's going on, though.

[kassidy_katherine]

Yeah...that is what I am leaning toward. I just do not want to deal with the roller coaster where one minute I am a member of their family and the next, I am not.

[MrsSuperman93]

Ohh that sucks, my family have always been really close so I haven't experienced that kind of thing I hope you had a wonderful birthday in spite of them