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03-18-2009, 01:55 AM
Knots Landing was brought to you by...
Pedialyte! For little squirts!
Next time on Knots Landing...
Bailiff Byrd: "All rise for the honorable Judge Judith Scheindlin!"
Claudia: "That's a lie, Anne and you know it!"
Judge Judy: "DON'T SPEAK TO HER! YOU GOT ME? You'll get your turn."
Judge Judy: "What is it that you do exactly Mr. Schillace?"
Nick: "I freelance, Judge Judy."
Judge Judy: "Oh, so you're a bum!"
Cue end credit music!!
03-18-2009, 07:52 PM
Returning thursday to the soapchat line-up...Knots Landing.
In future episodes:
Valene: "Richard, why does everybody think I'm a dummy?"
Richard: "Maybe it's the accent...or maybe you are just a dummy."
Abby (looking in mirror): "I KNOW there was something I was supposed to do today....?"
Karen (in jail): "Please don't make me keep tap dancing, Big Sally! My feet are killing me!"
Big Sally: "Hell no, cutie-pie. I want to be entertained!"
Laura: "But Greg, if we don't get her out of Sumner Group, she's just going to keep pulling stunts."
Greg: "If she acts up again, I'll just let you rip her face off."
Laura: "Why wait?"
03-21-2009, 09:52 PM
The early 1980's
Abby had been having a strange feeling all Sunday long. Through her shower, through breakfast with the kids, through Michael's baseball game...it was the sort of feeling she had when she later discovered her keys hanging out of the doorknob, or her curling iron still plugged in. She'd driven Michael to the game and stayed to mingle with the single dads (and a few of the married ones), all the while feeling she'd forgotten something important. It actually distracted her enough to keep her from getting the phone number of that cute coach with the great biceps. Still, she couldn't figure out what was going on.
Karen was becoming increasingly worried as Abby failed to show up to bail her out. Joan had been arraigned on a whole bunch of charges and hauled off to a women's facility, but Karen could be released if a relative would simply come bail her out. Karen knew Abby was not her biggest fan, but this was important. Besides, Karen was being harrassed by the other inmates and didn't want to end up like one of those women who...do things in jail to survive. Having to perform a few medleys from Broadway musicals for Big Sally and her friends was bad enough, but Karen's feet were starting to hurt...and she had the worst stomach-ache ever. By the time she had gotten around to "Maria" from West Side Story, she realized it had been at least sixteen hours since she'd had a single pill or drink, so little wonder her stomach was in knots. But Abby, of all people, had promised to come bail her out, and she was Karen's only hope.
"Karen Fairgate?" a surly female guard called out as she entered the holding cell area. Big Sally was disappointed; Karen was about to do a few ditties from The Sound of Music, but now Fairgate was getting bailed out. As the guard escorted Karen out, the other women booed and yelled expletives. Karen had been much more fun than that last chick, who couldn't even belt out a decent version of "Tomorrow" from Annie.
"Oh, thank goodness she's here!" Karen exclaimed. The guard was staring ahead unconcerned as they walked down the hall. "She's my sister-in-law. She and I may have had our problems in the past but this might be the start of a new life....I can get my life back on track and she might even help me with Sid." The guard could not have cared less and kept walking the blabbering Karen to the front offices.
"Karen! Thank goodness you're okay. The kids and I were so worried!" Karen was shocked into silence as two arms enveloped her in a bear hug; her stomach-ache made it even worse. Her face was buried in blond hair, but the perfume was enough to make her even more nauseous.
"I've already signed the papers...we can leave right away!" Karen pulled out of the hug and stared in confusion. Her look was quite similar to the look on the faces of the half-dozen policemen in the squad room.
Richard Avery was in full drag, including a large blond wig, a ton of make-up (poorly applied), high heels, and an ill-fitting dress. The five o'clock shadow and chest hair were readily apparent, and Richard's attempt at emulating Abby Cunningham's walk was enough for even a withdrawal-addled Karen to rub her eyes.
"Karen, we have to get home. The kids are waiting."
"Is it Halloween already?" Karen asked, feeling faint. Richard/Abby smiled at the officer nearest them and joked that Karen never was able to hold her liquor. "You want to go home, don't you? To get out of this awful place?"
Karen blanched. She had heard those exact words before, and in the same voice. The doctor! Nurse Wretched, or whatever she was calling herself! Everything started clicking in Karen's head, but Richard was hurrying her out of the police station before she could say anything else.
Richard led Karen to the parking lot, where Richard's car was waiting. "Richard, why are you--"
"I had to do it, Karen...you left treatment before you were cured." Despite being in the parking lot of a police station, Richard managed to hustle Karen out of there quite easily.
The late 1980's
Greg had to explain to his wife quite...delicately as to why he felt he needed to return to Sumner Group. Rather than come up with a million arguments, Laura agreed with him and urged him to return.
"Who are you, and what have you done with my wife?" Greg quipped.
"Greg, you and I both knew you wouldn't sit around this house very long before that company pulled you back downtown. I was actually expecting you to give me this speech months ago."
"I hate it when you're so understanding..." Greg murmured.
"Jason asked me the other day why his daddy didn't go off to work every day like the other dads on the block."
"What'd you say?"
"I told him to say it was because his daddy owned the block. Do they know you're coming back?"
"Yeah, I think the word spread fast once I fired Melvin. My R&D Chief quit that afternoon." Laura's eyes widened. Greg opened the paper nonchalantly.
"Well, he was too much of a suck-up anyway."
03-26-2009, 10:31 PM
The early 1980's
Karen feared she was being taken back to that secluded farmhouse. Until Richard had shown up at the police station in that....bizarre get-up, she had been so focused on getting back to her kids that she had not processed the fact that Richard Avery had been holding her against her will. Her mind raced through the past few months, most of which were clouded by the drugs and the booze. Something that happened could have been yesterday or last month. It might not have really happened, for that matter. One thing she knew for sure was that Richard really ought to buy a car with a bigger trunk, 'cause this one was full of junk and smelled like rotten eggs. Her wrists were tied behind her, so she could not shift around unless the car went over a bump. With every bump, she had to fight the urge to throw up. She'd heard of people choking on their own vomit, but that was only on television, she hoped.
Richard had realized that the farmhouse was no longer an option. In fact, he'd realized he was running out of options. He'd never heard of the town of Wesphall, but from the look of the place it would be an ideal place to hide a body. He was driving to the country with every intention of ridding Knots Landing of its most annoying resident ever...and for the first time in many years, one of his plans would actually work out.
Back in the cul-de-sac....
Kenny had taken the baby for the afternoon while Ginger took care of errands. When Kenny dropped by with Erin Molly (thankfully minus the dippy girlfriend), Ginger let him stick around while she get the baby's diaper changed, because she figured Kenny hadn't changed it in HOURS and wanted to show him he was being a moron as usual. She went to put Erin Molly down, and Kenny sprung into action on his latest scheme.
She came downstairs to find her soon-to-be ex-husband in his boxer shorts, planning to seduce her back into his good graces. Kenny thought (as usual) that he was just absolutely irresistable, so he pulled out all the stops.
He sought to pull her into a kiss, but she slapped him. Ginger got angry and told him to put his clothes back on and get the hell out of her house. She was so authoritative that it surprised her; he genuinely thought she would
just fall right back into his arms. So he changed his tactics:
"Actually, this is half my house, baby. You know, Community Property? If you plan on following through on this divorce stuff, it'll take a little more than a good slap on the face to get rid of me."
Ginger ordered him out. She even tossed his sunglasses out the opened door onto the sidewalk and told him he'd be hearing from "her lawyer" about harrassment. He stalked out in anger, clutching his un-buttoned pants around his waist to keep them up. He stumbled out the opened door and saw Joshua and Ray walking past, both of whom reacted with surprise at the scene. After Ginger yelled "Go away!" one last time, she slammed the door. He leaned over to pick up his sunglasses and his pants hit the sidewalk. Worse still, he felt a liberating "rrrripp!" as his boxer shorts split, giving Ray and Joshua more of a view than they'd hoped. As Kenny snatched up his pants and bounded past, his face turned red in embarassment, but Ray gave him a "thumbs up" and Joshua put his hand to his mouth.
Ginger had gone back upstairs to settle Erin Molly back down. She held the baby close and murmured that Kenny had gone too far, and even though daddy was still daddy, there was no way on Earth she was going to let him try to get half of Sam's $58 million dollars. They would leave Knots Landing first.
Richard had never driven in drag before, so when they hit a bump and his "Abby wig" went askew, he lost his composure. He tried to put it back but stabbed himself in the eye with a Lee Press-On Nail, which made him roar in pain and run off the road into a ditch. Karen, from the trunk, could tell something had happened, and suddenly she felt the car was flipping over and over. She screamed and tossed her cookies all over herself, but after three or four flips the car came to rest in silence.
Two locals saw the car run off the road, but it took them several minutes to climb down the ravine to see the car as it laid on its side. The young man announced he was going to see what had happened to the blond lady he saw driving, but his sister yelled for him to back up because there was a smell of gasoline.
"But Jill, that woman may be hurt! We can't leave her there."
"Peter...we need to call the police."
The car erupted into flames.
"....Or maybe the fire department..." Jill added in a monotone.
03-30-2009, 10:49 PM
Note to readers (yes, all four of you ): Adrian is pursuing some other projects at the moment, so rather than leave things up in the air, I'm going to write a "closure" and try to re-start this thread when/if my bestest writing buddy can get back to his keyboard.
The early 1980's (a month after Richard's car accident)
Most everyone in the cul-de-sac was shocked by the news splattered all over the cover of the Knots Landing Tribune:
"Rising Record Producer Found Dead in Home--Foul Play Likely"
Ginger had been called the night before, and though he was her husband in name only, she was considered "next of kin". Val had rushed to Ginger's side, followed by Mack MacKenzie and Ginger's estranged mother. Even Abby Cunningham, who'd not been close to either Kenny or Ginger, offered to "be there" for Ginger in any way she could. This was especially surprising, since Abby was dealing with a major crisis of her own. Of course like most of Abby's crises, only she knew about it, and she planned to take care of it in her own way. But by pure chance, Ginger Ward was the richest lady on the block so Abby thought it might be wise to play nice.
Ever since she had inherited Sam's millions, Ginger's life had become more stressful rather than ever. Mack, though always sweet and understanding with Ginger, could turn into a jealous terror when Kenny was around. Kenny was determined to declare "community property" on the money, and no attorney--not even Mack--could dismiss his claim. Kenny had even suggested filing for sole custody of Erin Molly, which enraged Ginger and made Mack more territorial than ever.
Earlier in the month, Ginger had found out that Karen, her equivalent of a "big sister," had run away from her treatment program and was likely on skid row somewhere. The doctors had said she'd never even been at the Betty Ford Clinic, that she'd somehow fooled Richard into dropping her off, then...well, no one knew where she'd ended up. Worse still, Richard had driven out of town and gotten into a car accident and was killed; the dress Ginger had worn to Richard's funeral was now getting a second showing at the funeral of her would-have-been ex-husband, three short weeks later.
Though money was supposed to make life easier, Ginger wasn't seeing it.
Abby was walking a fine line between appearing as the concerned neighbor/friend. In truth she was unable to attend Kenny's funeral because she had to perform a bit of CYA. Abby sent a big flower arrangement and said she would call Ginger later that week, which made Val, Lilimae, and Gary wonder why Abby seemed so sentimental about a guy (Kenny) that Abby didn't give the time of day. Joshua suggested that perhaps she was having a hard time with all the "losses", given Richard's funeral and the departures of the kids. Lilimae skeptically pointed out that Abby had called Richard (God rest his soul) every foul name in the book after the funeral, and seemed relieved when Sid had sent for Diana, Eric, and Michael to come live in Philadelphia, so the only "loss" she was dealing with was Olivia and Brian going to Jeff's for a week. Val scolded Lilimae for seeming so cold, but Lilimae was spending most of her time being skeptical and downright accusatory since hearing of Kenny's murder. The focus of her suspicions? Mack MacKenzie.
While the cul-de-sac crowd (well, those who were left) gathered for the latest funeral, Abby was traveling the same road that Richard and Karen had been on that fateful day. She arrived in the town of Wesphall ("Hmph," she thought, "looks like Petticoat Junction!") and spotted two small restaurants among the store-fronts. The town looked as if it had seen better days; more stores were empty than operational. She'd never been to the town and hoped she'd never have to come back.
Abby sat in a booth near the front window of the diner and contemptuously scanned the menu. Not exactly Cordon Bleu. She hoped to be as inconspicuous as possible, but she noticed that she was by far the most attractive women there. The local yokels sure were noticing.
"Don't encourage those goons. They have wives at home!" Abby looked up to see Karen, holding an order pad in one hand and a pencil in the other. She was wearing a gingham-plaid dress and had another pencil stuck behind her ear. Karen had no recognition of Abby whatsoever, other than the wish to take her lunch order. Abby was thunderstruck.
"Karen?" Abby asked quietly.
"Close enough," Karen quipped, pointing at her name tag. It clearly said "Caroline". "Chicken's on special...need more time with the menu, sweetie?" Again, it was as if Karen had no idea who Abby was; in fact, it was as if Karen had no idea who SHE was, either.
This was even better than she'd imagined.