12525 fans currently online (263 members and 12262 guests)
Peggy had decided Chip was not coming back for seconds. She didn't care, but she hated to be rude. Getting hers and then bailing out was not her style. However, she needed to get home and check up on her cat, Mr. Barnaby Jones. So, she got dressed and left. Joshua and Peter just missed her as they came literally bouncing down the stairs.
"What's up with Chip?"
"Brother, only the Lord knows...
"Oh, for Christ's sake, Joshua! Would you quit with that!"
Joshua looked at Peter and then at the bottle of chocolate sauce. What had he done? He had fornicated with this man at least a dozen times within the past 6 hours. What had gotten into him, besides Peter? He was a man of God. Why had he done these things...these vile and oh-so-thrilling things? So what if Peter looked like he had been etched out of stone? Was that any reason to sin with someone who was so handsome...there! Why was he acting like this? He stepped back from Peter, who was looking at him curiously.
"What's wrong? Did I do or say something?"
"The hell you did, you sodomite!" Josua stepped forward to attack his once lover, but then Chip came bounding down the stairs, dressed and ready to go.
"Okay, fellas. We need to get going. Remember the plan."
Mack had come to and Karen was frantically saying something to him. "Mack, where's Meg?"
"HUH? I THOUGHT SHE WAS WITH YOU!"
"No, the last thing I remember was taking the dog a bath." said Karen worriedly.
At that moment, Linda and Jill came into the room with their goon squad. "Okay ladies and gentleman. It's time to get the party started." purred Linda.
The hostages were ushered out, and Karen looked out to see that they were indeed at the old KLM building. She paused as she looked down. There were more hooded goons below in the lobby and they had surrounded some familiar faces: Abby, Val, Gary, and...SID!
"Karen! Are you alright!" shouted Sid as he spotted his wife coming down the stairs.
Karen was numb. She didn't even realize she was moving. All she was focusing on was her back-from-the-dead husband, who was smiling at her with open arms. Val looked at her best friend wanting to comfort her, but she couldn't move for fear that she would get shot.
From the other side of the lobby, more people were ushered in. It was Diana and Laura. "We found these two lurking around." said one of the men.
Before anyone else could react to the sudden reappearance of dead friends, a woman's voice said, "Perfect! Everyone's here!"
Everyone turned toward the upstairs landing. A young woman stood there with a gun pointed at Greg Sumner. His arms were tied behind him and he was gagged.
Karen, despite her shock from seeing Sid, recognized that there was something eerily familiar about this new girl. She had auburn hair just like..."MEG! Is that you?!"
"Yes, it's me, 'MOM.' Funny how one minute your children are barely into their teens, and then full grown adults the next."
"Well, when the network gets the reruns out of sequence, these things are bound to happen," Karen said. "I mean, one minute Michael's getting dumped by that slut Linda Fairgate, then a day later he's a hyperactive brat running around in the living room. No offense, Linda."
Linda smiled seetly. "None taken....you pushy, overbearing mother-in-law from Hell."
"I'll cop to that. Oh my God...Meg...what's gotten into you? You were never like this before you found out Greg was your father."
"Oh, Meg...my beautiful little girl. I never thought I'd see you again," Laura said, tears welling in her eyes. "Damn you, Greg! You dump our little girl with Pollyanna and Dudley Do-Right here--no offense Mack--and now she's turned into Patty Hearst."
"DO YOU MIND bringing it back to me here?" Meg screeched, waving her gun. Greg, Diana, Jill, and one of the goons all had to avoid getting pistol-whipped as she ranted at the assemblage. "Why does EVERYTHING have to be about you people?"
"I kept asking myself the same thing!" Patricia muttered.
"Wow, Patricia..." Gary said, his voice deepening a bit. "Long time no see. You look great, baby." He reached out to touch her, only to have his hand swatted away by Valene.
"Jeez, you can't just tie a knot in it for a few minutes?" Jill said. "It's hardly the time to be trying that chocolate fantasy of yours again."
"Hey, life's short. You oughta know!" He burst out in that braying, annoying laugh of his that made everyone want to swat him.
"WILL YOU STOP IT?" Meg screeched, then blasted the roof with a single gunshot. Greg took this as his chance.
"Oh, heck..I think I'm gonna toss my cookies!" Peter exclaimed as he sat in the back seat of the car. Joshua was in the passenger seat as Chip drove.
"Those dinners Abby kept feeding us," Chip said. You didn't notice how weird they tasted?"
"I thought Swanson TV dinners always tasted that way..." Joshua said. "I can't believe I had sex with a slimeball like Peter Hollister. What would my daddy say?"
"That you should be dead! He buried you! Now can we please just shut the $%^& up."
"Easy for you to say, you...con man."
"Enough already, you two..." Peter interjected.
"Shut the #$%^ up, you.... politician."
"Hey, take that back!" Peter whined.
"I will not!"
Joshua had a moment of clarity. "Chip, why weren't you affected? You ate right beside us...and yet you never lost your....focus." Joshua was blushing.
"Abby hid the antidote in the Gucci wing of her walk-in closet." he held up the small bottle for the others to see, proud of how much smarter he was than the other two. Of course, he wasn't smart enough to notice they'd just gone past the Hargrove exit that would have taken them to Knots Landing Motors.
Hands tied behind him, Greg made a move to knock the gun out of Meg's hand. He managed to do so, but only before losing his balance and falling to the ground. He managed to look up before one of the goons shot him dead.
Everyone looked up from Greg's corpse and straight at Meg.
"I'm not playing around here people. This s#@t is for real." cried Meg.
"Finally someone who's talking some sense!" replied Pat.
"Who was that? Why are you doing this?" asked Sid pointing at Greg's body.
"This isn't how it's supposed to be!" interjected Diana.
Meg pulled out a small detonator and said, "For years, we secondary characters had to struggle for storylines and moments to shine. But despite our best efforts, it all came back to attention whores like you, Karen." Karen looked dumbfounded. "We brought back some old favorites from the dead to keep everyone preoccupied as we got our plan underway. We even found a way to keep the master manipulator Abby from suspecting anything."
"See, I don't have a hand in everything!" said Abby happily.
"But what about this shadow group, THE FANS?" asked a confused Diana.
"Ughh, you were never part of the plan, Diana. You're just as annoying to us as you are to the viewers. I planted that idea in your head to keep you distracted as well. You're really suffering from a mild form of schizophrenia." chuckled Meg. "I can do whatever I WANT and it doesn't have to make SENSE! I'm going to get rid of all you major players, and have everything reborn with us secondary characters as the main focus. All I have to do is push this button and you all go BOOM!"
"Look what you two lovebirds made me do! I missed the damn exit!"
"Don't call us that!" said Joshua defensively.
"You don't have to be so touchy about it!" said a hurt Peter who reached back to caress Joshua's knee.
"There'll be no more touching between the two of us, heathen!" spat Joshua as he slapped Peter's hand away.
"This is not f*&%$#g 'Queer as Folks' guys!" shouted Chip as he made the turnaround to go back in the right direction.
Abby was having trouble digesting this. This is like some bad dream, but not like the one where I can't find my eye shadow! She looked up at Sid and Laura. This can't be happening! This... but before she could finish her thought, Meg said excitedly, "I just hope they use the 3rd season titles for my credits!" And with that she pushed the button and Abby screamed...
"NO!" screamed Abby as she woke up. She was lying in her bed. It was all a DREAM! She looked around. She was safe in her home. Sid was still dead and so was Laura. She rubbed her face, and then she heard something. It was the shower. SOMEONE was in her shower! She got up and went to her bathroom and pulled open the shower door...
"Morning!" beamed Gary as he turned around. From below, Kenny Ward stood up and said, "Hey, Abby! Long time no see!"
Abby screamed as she realized she didn't have any make-up on.
Ginger Ward woke up. That was the weirdest dream. Usually I'm the one in the shower with Gary. She thought.
She looked to her left, but her husband was not there. It was 10:35 am. She had slept a little too late. She got up and was about to call for her husband when the front door opened and there he was...with what appeared to be a 7 year old little girl.
"Morning hon, I'm glad you're up! I have some great news!" said Kenny excitedly as he kissed his wife.
"Morning yourself. Who's this?"
"This is my new star discovery. This is Bratney Shears, and boy just wait till you hear her sing, babe!"
"Bratney? Don't you mean Britney?"
"Hey, did the man st-st-stutter, BITCH?!" snapped the little blonde girl in a southern accent.
"I BEG YOUR PARDON?" said a bug-eyed Ginger.
"H-HEEEEYY! Excuse us Bratney! I need to talk to my wife for just a second!" chuckled Kenny nervously as he ushered his wife into the bedroom.
"What the hell, Kenny? Was she raised in Lousiana or something?"
"Uh, yeah, actually. Look, despite her demeanor the kid has TALENT! The kid's a natural-born performer. She's going to be big!"
"She's just a child with a nasty tongue on her, Kenny! And WHY did you bring her here?"
"Uh, see that's what I was getting to. I promised her folks I'd watch over her the weekend and show her the ropes of the biz, but I kinda forgot I was supposed to entertain Cosmin Steeple this weekend while they're here recording the new album. SO, I was kind hoping you would..."
"FORGET IT, KENNY!"
"OK! Would you rather "entertain" Cosmic Steeple?!"
Ginger rolled her eyes and said, "Oh geeeezz...either choice has no sense of talking like a normal person, but I guess it would have to be the BRAT!"
"Oh, I knew I could count on you babe! Look at it as trying out motherhood!" And with that Kenny went off to tell the Brat that Ginger was going to be looking after her for the day...
Laura Avery and Karen Fairgate were on the sidewalk talking about making posters for the Anita Bryant "Save Our Children" campaign rally that was being held next weekend when little Olivia Cunningham ran up to them.
"Aunt Karen, who's that with Mrs. Ward?"
Karen looked down the street to see Ginger hiking up the sidewalk with a little blonde girl in tow who was picking her nose.
"Oh. I don't know, honey. I guess we'll find out."
"She looks dirty mom." said Jason Avery as he licked on an ice cream cone.
"Jason, that's not nice, sweetie!" said Laura nervously.
At that point, Michael Fairgate had come down to see what everyone was looking at.
"Hey, guys. I thought I'd come over and introduce my little friend here. Her name is Bratney." said Ginger enthusiastically.
"Can I have a lick of your cone, cutie?" said Britney as she grabbed the cone from Jason and proceeded to wolf it down with one swallow. The brain freeze was almost immediate.
"JESUS CHRIST! GODDAMN that s@#t is COLD!" spat the little girl.
Everyone looked horrified, especially Jason. Bratney offered the now empty cone back to him. Jason just shook his head 'no' as he eyed her crusty fingertips.
"Wow! That was some entrance! What do you do for an encore?" smiled Karen.
"PLEASE! Don't ask! I'm afraid she'll tell you!" laughed Ginger. "She's Kenny's new discovery. He couldn't watch her today like he thought, so here I am doing his dirty work for him!"
"You know, you're even cuter than Mama's boy over here." Bratney said to Michael as she pointed to Jason.
"Girls are icky!" said Michael with a grimaced expression. He grabbed hold of Olivia's hand and said, "Come on. Let's go play on the Atari!"
"What the hell? He sure doesn't think ole Holly Hobby there isn't icky!" said a pouting Bratney.
"Well, Olivia is Michael's cousin." offered Karen.
"Oh, well that's normal for us back home to!" said Bratney as she batted her eyes at Jason.
At that moment a moving van parked at the last house opposite the Wards and a black family appeared in a station wagon.
"Those must be the new neighbors!" said Val who had come out of her house.
The man and woman walked up with their little girl and introduced themselves.
"Hi. I'm Frank Williams and this is my wife, Pat, and our daughter, Julie!"
"There goes the neighborhood." said Bratney.
Valene opened her eyes lazily to look at the clock radio. "2:30!?!" she exclaimed. She'd only meant to nap for ten minutes--two hours ago. "Maaamaaaaa, I'm gonna be late for writing class!" She bounded out of bed and headed for the bathroom, almost mowing down her own mother as she turned the corner in the hall.
"Ooops," Lilimae said, pulling back. "Well, Sweet pea, I thought your class was tomorrahh...I'm sure your professor will understand if you're a few minutes late." Val had rushed past her mother to the bathroom, then stuck her head out of the door. "Mama...my class started at 2pm, so I'd hardly be a few minutes late." She sighed and shut the door in her mother's face. Lilimae returned to the kitchen, and when Val finally came running downstairs, still brushing her wet hair, Lilimae was puzzled.
"Shuuuuga, you're never gonna get there in time. The class is practically over."
"I have to turn in this paper!" she explained, holding up a file. "If I can catch Dr. Williamson before he leaves, maybe I can explain." She yanked the keys off the hook and slammed the door behind her. Lilimae jumped, nearly spilling her tea. Always in such a hurry...Lilimae thought as she sipped.
Bratney was already making Ginger want to cry. Kenny had driven off about six hours before, and Bratney already had insulted Ginger's hair, tried to dress Erin Molly in a diaper shaped like a thong, and pitched two hissy fits about wanting to watch Housewives of Orange County. Taking her out to meet kids her age had been a disaster, and the other moms were probably not even going to let Erin Molly visit them any more. This promised to be a long day if she couldn't even get Bratney to sit down and eat lunch.I'm going to kill Kenny--if I don't kill her first.
"This is the weirdest-tasting screwdriver I've ever had..." Bratney snarled before tossing it on the floor.
"It wasn't a screwdriver, it was just orange juice..." Ginger said, seeing red.
"Um, what sort of prison is this? I am NOT about to suffer through this without some heavy-duty liquor." Bratney started pulling at something underneath the table, and Ginger was afraid to ask. Ginger grabbed the broom to sweep up the broken glass.
"To hell with this s*&^," Bratney said, finally getting up from the table and heading for the door. "My publicist will pick me up at the corner. Or I'll fire her ass like I'm gonna fire your husband's." As she walked away, she scratched her...feminine areas and grunted.
"Yeah, Seaview Circle. No, I don't know what the hell I'm doing out here, either," Bratney said into her cell phone. "Just get the hell out here yesterdayor I'll kick your *&^%!"
As Bratney yelled at her publicist, Val came barreling out of her driveway, scared of failing a class she needed in order to keep her financial aid. Suddenly Val's yellow Pinto had a huge, bleached-blond hood ornament, and the impact of the crash caused Bratney's cell phone to bounce off Ginger and Kenny's mailbox. Val slammed on the brakes and sat in total silence for a second, amazed and shocked at what lay on her hood.
"Oh, God, she's not wearin' underwear...." Val said, and quickly averted her gaze.
Ginger was on the phone with her husband. Kenny had called right after Bratney had stormed out, but she could not get a word in to tell him about her departure...
"So, after taking them over to "Crazy Freddy's" tonight, I thought about making a trip over with them to "Easy Abby's" afterwards. And after I drop them off next door, I'll just come over and take that little darlin' off your hands!"
"Kenny! I've been trying to tell you! She just stormed out and..." Ginger stopped as she heard a scream. "Kenny, hold on!"
Laura was on the phone with Karen. "I'm not sure it's right for us to go to that rally next weekend, Karen. I mean, I don't feel right about trying to obstruct anyone's rights."
"Laura, it's not about that! It's about what's right for the community! Do you know they opened that bar not two blocks away? My God, one of our kids could be recruited right from under us, especially Jason! I've always had my doubts about him!"
"Well, let me sleep on it, Karen. Better yet, let me talk to Richard, and see what he says. I'll talk to you later. Bye." and with that Laura rolled her eyes and turned to the person next to her in bed.
"Man, I thouhgt she would never get off the phone!" said Ciji.
"Give us a kiss!" said Laura and the two were about to lock lips when they heard the accident...
Pat was alone in the house wondering if she had done the right thing. She should have never agreed to testify against that oil tycoon...J.R. Ewing! Look where it had gotten her family! They had just moved to Dallas not 3 months ago, and now they had been uprooted again! If only she had not seen the ruthless business man push his secretary off that balcony. And then there was the threat he made to her about putting some "good ole boys" on her to make her life uncomfortable! What the hell were "good ole boys" anyway? Whatever they were, it smacked of organized crime, and the family had no choice but go into the Witness Protection Program. She just hoped that the couple next door were not related to the man. I'm sure it's just a coincidence she thought.
She was about to unpack another box, when she heard tires screeching.
Val was shaking and crying. Ginger, Laura, Karen, Lilimae, and Pat all seemed to get there at the same time. No one noticed Ciji sneaking out of Laura's house and running down the street to the nearest bus stop.
"What happened?" cried Karen.
"I-I was trying to get to my class and I guess I didn't see her!" stammered a distraught Val.
The Fairgates dog had come up to where Bratney lay, obviously attracted to something pungent that was radiating off of her.
"Damn, if only somebody here was a doctor!" sneered Pat. She was not one to forgive or forget easily.
"I'll go and call 911!" said Ginger as she walked slowly back to the house.
"I'll make some coffee." said Karen as she wrapped an arm around Val to comfort her. "Ladies...would you care to join us?"
"Sure." said the other three women in unison, and they walked off toward Karen's house.
"Oh my God! What am I doing?" Val cried hysterically. "I have this paper to turn into my professor!" And with that she ran back into her car and sped off.
A squad car had been patrolling the neighborhood and happened to spot a yellow Pinto going...well, much too fast along Balboa Boulevard. The cop saw her bright blonde hair but didn't catch the tag number. He started to pursue (he liked hot blondes), but a call came through for an accident on the 16900 block.
He pulled up to see a motionless body laying in the gutter. There was no commotion, no rubber-necking--none of the hallmarks of an accident scene. Only a dog sniffing at the person's crotch. Maybe it's just some wino sleeping one off, he thought to himself. He turned Bratney over and her eyes snapped open.
"I'm gonna scratch that bitch's eyes out!" Bratney screeched, trying to get to her feet. While the policeman tried to recover from hearing such language coming out of a child's mouth, she got up and straightened her tight blouse and slapped away that sniffing dog. "That woman done broke off a chunk o' trouble with this heffa," she ranted.
"You saw the person who hit you?"
"Damn straight! And when I get hold of that #$*&, she won't have a single blond hair on her head!"
As the cop tried to get a statement between her blue language, it became clear that the young lady...um, woman was the victim of a hit-and-run, and how many blondes drove bright yellow Pintos?
"Ma'am, he struggled, "I believe I saw your attacker fleeing the scene shortly before my arrival. Apprehending this woman should not be difficult. What the hell are you doing?"
Bratney was humping the policeman's leg seductively, proclaiming her love of men in uniform...especially those who carried handcuffs.
Things seemed normal on the cul-de-sac the following day. Val had managed to get her paper in on time, and after being raped by Bratney, both the responding police officers and paramedics were quick to forget about her hit-and-run incident. It turned out Bratney's impact with Val's Pinto had been softened by the cranial, metal implant she received years ago from sustained injuries while doing her tour of duty in Vietnam. For the Wards, however, they received some shocking news: Bratney's parents had been killed in a stampede over Beanie Babies at a flea market and Kenny now had temporary guardianship over her. It looked like she wasn't going anywhere soon from Seaview Circle...
Having just arrived from the supermarket, Abby was unloading the car of groceries. Olivia and Brian were helping her, when she spotted Bratney walking up to them.
"Olivia, is that THE girl?" asked Abby as she sized-up Bratney.
"Uh-huh. She's real mean mom. I wouldn't talk to her. Ginger says she's scared of her."
"Well, baby, children don't frighten me. A real woman knows how to handle herself..." Abby trailed off. She was taken aback. Bratney was scratching herself, picking her nose, sucking on a lipop, AND humming "Superfreak" all at the same time.
"Hey, word on the block is that you're my number one competition. Just so you know, Traci Lords has NOTHING on me, grandma!"
Abby smiled and told Olivia and Brian to go inside and to call Uncle Sid if things got ugly.
"My, my. It's true what they say about your language. Someone should wash your mouth out and then your nether regions with a bar of soap. And for good measure, give you a good spanking."
"Yeah? I might like that too much. So, who around here can make me feel like a real woman? The pickings so far seem to be real slim. All I've seen are BOYS!" said Bratney as she referred to Michael and Jason.
Abby knew she had finally met a worthy opponent. She loved a challenge. "Really? What about Kenny? He's no boy." offered Abby.
Bratney rolled her eyes, "HIM? I don't think he knows how to please a real woman. It's a miracle he got that cow pregnant. He strikes me as someone who would be a lousy lay AND would come up short where it counts..." It was Bratney's turn to trail off as she spied Gary Ewing walking over to them.
"Hey, Abby! Just thought I'd come over and see if you needed any help."
"Oh, I got it Gary, but thank...
"HEY, there stud!! You from Texas? I can tell by your accent. I love LONGHORNS." cooed Bratney as she sized up Gary's tight jeans.
"Well, yeah. As a matter of fact I am!" smiled Gary. "You must be Bratney. Val screamed your name when she woke up from a dream last night. Poor Val. She's going to see a movie with Lilimae tonight to get her mind off everything that happened yesterday."
Abby could see how Bratney was taking a shine to Gary, and she immediately thought of a way to show her up once and for all.
"Gary, since Val and Lilimae are going off to the "Picture Show" tonight...why don't you and Bratney here come over for dinner? Would you like that, Brat? It would give us some time to get to know each other" smiled Abby as she batted her eyes at the youngster.
"That sounds great to me!" beamed Gary.
"Hmmm, I'd love to come over and eat whatever you have to offer." said Bratney as she sucked on her lipop and eyed Gary's pants.
"It's settled then. I'll have Olivia and Brian stay over at Sid and Karen's again. Dinner will be around 8, and for God's sake come in underwear!"
With that, the three broke off to get ready for dinner. That bitch is not going to know what hit her! thought Abby.
That stud is not going to know what hit him! thought Bratney. That dinner sure sounds swell. Better remember to put on some underwear! thought Gary.
Laura was pacing around her kitchen, trying to mentally count without using her fingers. It just doesn't make sense! she thought, and finally gave up on what was obviously a problem in her mind.
"Mom! Do I have to ride the school bus with that weird girl now that Mr. Ward's adopted her?" Jason had walked into the kitchen frowning. "The Weird Girl" scared him.
"Honey, Mr. Ward has not adopted her. He's just babysitting her a few days until her aunt and uncle can be located."
"I'm glad, because Mrs. Ward looked like she was going to cry again. What are you doing?"
"Trying to work out a problem, sweetie...like you and the long division. It'll just take me a while."
Frank and Patricia were unpacking the last of their good china. Julie had been arranging it in the china cabinet just the way she remembered it being when they lived in Washington. In fact, she'd secretly been trying to arrange everythng like it was when they were in DC, because she wanted this new home to feel at least a bit like their former home, the only one she'd ever known.
"I wish they would at least let me be a nurse, a paramedic...something where I can practie medicine," Pat said to Frank. He had heard this a few times. "Do you think I enjoy being forced to sell pool supplies? I was the precinct's Policeman of the Year last year. But this is our new home, and we have to do as the feds say, jobs included."
"Do we have to pretend to like the neighbors?" Pat quipped.
"Oh, come on....they weren't that bad. Most of them anyway." Both of them were thinking of that odd scene they'd witnessed earlier in the driveway.
"I do like the house they picked out for us..." Frank said, trying to shake off the image in his mind of that paramedic being ridden like a hobby-horse by that hooker who'd been lying in the street earlier.
"It's gonna look great once we re-tile this kitchen. It looks like something out of 1982."
Laura paced once again in her blue-tiled kitchen, a pot going on the stove while she counted on her fingers. A casserole dish in the oven was making the kitchen smell wonderful. Richard entered and gave Laura her usual kiss, then asked what was cooking. Laura, deep in thought, didn't respond.
"Okay...next question," Richard quipped. Laura looked at Richard as if she'd only now noticed he had come home.
"Have you ever considered the possibility of a time warp?"
Richard burst out laughing.
"I'm serious, Richard. Something odd's going on in this cul-de-sac."
"Something odd's always going on in this cul-de-sac honey."
Frank and Julie were looking at the yellow pages restaurant section, deciding where to eat. No one was in the mood to cook, and there were no groceries to speak of. Suddenly, the doorbell rang.
"So that's what our new doorbell sounds like!" Julie said, and went to answer the door.
Julie asked who was there. "Your new neighbors!" two voices called out from the other side of the door. "...with a casserole!" they added. Little did Julie know that the simple act of opening her new front door was going to open a Pandora's Box of trouble.
"Hello, darling. Hi, Pat and Frank!" said Val as she held the casserole in her hands. "I'm here with momma."
"Hi, Val. Hello, Lillimae. Come on in!" said Frank.
"I made a tuna casserole. Momma thought we should do something more exotic, but the last time I took her advice on food selection...well, it didn't go well." Val said awkwardly.
"Now, sweetpea. Don't bore these fine people with things like that! We're going to see a movie in a little bit." chuckled Lillimae nervously. "My Valene here has always had to question everything I do. Sometimes I wonder who the mother is and who the daughter is!"
"Well, I'm sure it well be fine. It looks great! Thank you." said Frank as he sensed that the conversation could go horribly wrong any second.
"Yes, it was very kind of you." offered Pat. These people may not be bad after all! she thought.
"It's funny. Last time my brother-in-law, J.R. came to visit, I made him tuna fish. Guess, I can't get out of that culinary rut!" giggled Val.
"D-Did you say 'J.R'? As in J.R. Ewing?" asked Pat, who's eyes had gone wide open.
"Oh, yes, darlin'." said Lillime with apparent disgust. "I'm glad he doesn't care much for my Valene or her husband. Otherwise, we'd probably see more of him, and that would not be good!"
Frank and Pat exchanged worried looks. Julie started to weep and grabbed the china to pack it up once again.
Laura was on the phone with Ciji. "I'm sorry, honey. What did you say?"
"I'm coming over to the neighborhood tomorrow with a friend. We're going to be handing out flyers for his new bar that opened up. I'm going to be singing there. I was hoping I could see you for a bit."
Laura could not concentrate, "Look, sweetie. That sounds like a possiblility. We'll play it by ear. I need to go. Talk to you then!" and with that she hung up the phone. Why does this not feel right?
"Laura, what's for supper? I'm famished." said Richard as he came into the kitchen with newspaper in hand.
"Oh, uh, I thought we could order a pizza. I didn't have time...to cook." she said quietly as she started to think about time warps again.
Chip had taken the turnaround. Joshua and Peter were still sniping with each.
"Look, I would say you two should just sleep together and get it over with, but that would be way too late! Now shut up, we're running out of time..."
Chip became transfixed on something in the middle of the street up ahead. It looked like something out of a sci-fi movie. It reminded him of a black hole or a...portal. He knew he couldn't hit the brakes in time to stop from colliding with whatever it was.
"Hang On!" he shouted to the other two.
"Hang On!" Chip shouted into his cell phone as he drove to the new bar with Joshua and Peter. "Bratney, for the last time! Quit referring to me with feminine pronouns! I may be your publicist, but I don't have to put up with your b*(^%*t!" and with that he closed the cell phone.
"I don't know if this is such a good idea." said Peter. "If you can't handle a little girl as her publicist, what makes you think we're going to be able to handle her as kidnappers?"
"For the last time! She's not a 'little girl'! She's 43, and she suffers from bad kidneys. That's why her growth is stunted! Surely you, Romeo over there, and I can handle her!" screamed Chip.
"'Romeo.' Thanks, Chip!" said Joshua as he debated on how many buttons on his shirt he should leave open.
Abby had taken the food out of the McDonald's containers and was placing them on her china. She then grabbed the chocolate shake and poured the melted Ex-Lax into the frosty drink. Oh, Bratney, this is going to show Gary how much of a 'HOT SH#T' you really are!
The doorbell rang followed by a "Hey, banana t@tties! Open up!"
Abby gritted her teeth, thought better of it, and poured more of the Ex-Lax into the shake. She then went to open the door for her guest.
Bratney stood there. She was wearing incredibly tight Jordache Jeans, Candies shoes, and a pink halter top. Her hair was done up in a ponytail that was to the side. She took a puff from the cigarette she held in her hand and blew the smoke in Abby's face.
"Is Longhorn here yet?" she said as she scratched her crotch. "I can't wait to get the show started."
"Oh, not yet. But soon." smiled Abby.
"By the way, don't try to upstage me bitch. I can run circles around you."
"Oh, I'm sure you'll be running all night long."
Kenny had purposely not come home the night before. He knew Ginger would probably toss him out on his ear anyway, since that Bratney must have been a handful. But he returned because a) he wanted to be sure Ginger and Bratney had not killed one another, and b) he'd left his Valtrex prescription in the desk and didn't want Ginger to see what else he'd brought back from that business trip to New York last month. He turned the key in the door wondering just he'd open the door to.
"Oh, hi, Mr. Ward," Diana said from the sofa. "Mrs. Ward asked me to watch Erin Molly while she ran an errand. She's asleep."
"Great, great...." Kenny said, trying not to show just how happy he was that a) Ginger wasn't there, and b) Bratney wasn't, either. Maybe her Uncle Bubba and Aunt Verdelia came to get her... Kenny thought as he casually walked over to the desk.
"If it's okay, can I go home?" Diana asked. "Mrs. Ward will be back any minute, and I've got a project for school that I ought to be working on."
Ginger's little Datsun pulled up in the driveway as if on cue. Best she didn't see this. It's gonna be ugly, Kenny thought, and told Diana she could go home.
"Thank you, honey, it was very sweet of you to do this on short notice, Ginger said sweetly as she handed Diana $10. Diana's eyes widened--it was double what she usually got.
"Wow, thanks!" she said, passing Ginger in the doorway.
Ginger smiled sweetly as she watched Diana bound across the lawn toward her house. Her eyes turned to slits and her smile turned to bared, gritted teeth once she was assured Diana was out of earshot.
WHAM!!! she slammed the door so hard, the gold record fell off the wall across the room. Kenny ducked as a sack of groceries hailed down on him, piece by piece. He turned to run, but was literally beaned--by a can of green beans--on the back of the head.
"How could you saddle me with that...that...THAT?!?" Ginger yelled. "I could literally beat you like a pinata right now, only you're so full of s*** it would only mess up the carpet! I am not going to be prison guard for the little dancing slut of yours. Fend for yourself!" She tossed the remainder of the groceries on the floor and stalked into the nursery--she was packing their daughter up and heading to the resort she'd booked them into.
"I really am starting to think something weird is going on here," Laura confided to Valene. They were having coffee in Laura's kitchen because...well, quite honestly Lilimae got on Laura's nerves. Val sat wide-eyed--not necessarily because of what Laura was laying out, but because Val just seemed to sit wide-eyed a lot. At least she isn't mouth-breathing any more, Laura thought as she poured another cup. "I mean, this whole
thing with the new neighbors has had me thinking. Have you ever felt like things happen...out of order in your life?"
"Well, all the time, Laura. Why, just this morning I realized I had put my underwear on over my running shorts again. Third time this week, too."
Laura closed her eyes. "No, Val....the other night I was thinking about how those new neighbors--
"The Williamses," Val interjected. "Momma and I took them a tuna casserole."
"Yes, and did you notice something...odd?"
"There's always something odd around here!" Val said, making Laura growl and roll her eyes.
"Their clothes! Their furniture? The little girl's hairstyle?"
Val leaned back and put down her coffee cup. "Oh, Laura! Of course. You're right, but it's not something to get upset about."
"I can't think about anything else lately. Everyone in the cul-de-sac seems to be acting so...random. Of course it's something to get upset about."
"Oh, Laura, just because a black family has moved into the cul-de-sac doesn't mean the world is over."
Oh, God I could smack her, Laura thought.
Val had returned home from visiting Laura, kissed Gary goodbye, and left with Lillimae to go see, "Mommie Dearest." Gary then headed over to Abby's, unaware of what the night had in store for him...
"So, I'm just shacking up with that loser right now and letting everyone think I'm just a kid." said Bratney as she puffed on her 5th cigarette. "My album debuts next week, and until it's a hit (which I'm sure it will be) I'm going to use Kenny for the free room and board."
"Why are you telling me this? If I cared about homeless, dirty littles bitches like yourself...I'd be giving charitable donations to the SPCA as we speak." said Abby as she batted her eyelashes.
"I'm a little drunk right now. I'm probably telling you too much...I have a kid, you know. She's with her father. He got custody years ago when she was 4. They live in England. Her name is Vanessa. She's about 16 right now. Pretty little thing. Takes after her momma." Bratney trailed off. For a second Abby felt sorry for her, but then Bratney cut one and burped at the same time. Abby looked disgusted.
"Knock, knock!" said Gary as he opened the front door.
"Gary, please come in!" smiled Abby with that insincere smile of hers.
"Hey there LONGHORN! Saved you a spot!" said bratney as she patted the chair next to her with her hand.
"Val and Lillimae just left. I'm starved!" said Gary with that crooked smile of his.
"Me too!" purred Bratney as she eyed Gary's butt while he sat down. "Hope you like fast food. Ole, Abby here is no Julia Childs."
"I have you know, I took great care in preparing this meal!" Abby said sweetly while trying to hold back her anger. She started shoveling chicken McNuggets from the serving bowl. "Would you care for sweet & sour, honey mustard, or barbecue sauce for your chicken?"
"Sweet & Sour." replied Bratney while puffing on her cigarette.
"I'll take barbecue, Abby. Thanks!"
"You know, at least the shake is good." said Bratney as she nursed her drink. "Ohhhhh, my tummy just did a jump!" Bratney reached over and squeezed Gary's thigh. "You know speaking of jumping, my heart leaps every time I'm near you, Longhorn. That Val sure is one lucky gal. Bet she doesn't know how to satisfy a strapping man like yourself." her hand was moving further up Gary's leg.
"How old are you?" Gary asked.
"Old enough. I can show you things you've never experi..." A low rumbling shook the room. It seemed to come from Bratney. "Oh, sh$t."
"Cheers." said Abby as she held her glass of champagne up.
"Oh my God!" Bratney squealed as the room was filled with what sounded like thunder.
"My God! What is that smell?" asked a horrified Gary.
"I've gotta go! I know you did this you bitch!" screamed Bratney as she pointed her finger at Abby. She started to run for the door while holding her ass. "This isn't the end of this. Not by a longshot!"
As the door slammed shut, Abby turned to Gary and said, "So, did you wear any underwear?"
Pat and Frank were getting ready for bed early. They were too depressed at the thought of possibly moving for a 3rd time.
"Frank, this is so wrong."
"I know, baby, but it will work out. Lillimae said that J.R. Ewing doesn't like his brother or Val. Maybe we can convince the Feds..."
"That's not what I meant. This whole situation. This cul-de-sac. It's like deja vu, but at the same time...it doesn't feel quite right. Do you sense that too? Remember going through that weird 'storm' on the way up here?"
"Honey. Let's not get our priorities mixed up. The fact that we're living next door to a Ewing is REAL, and what we have to focus on. We need to figure out what we're going to do. OK?"
Pat nodded and with that she kissed her husband and turned off the light.
Laura turned on the light on the nightstand. Richard was out. A copy of the latest FORBES rested on his face.
The "Save Our Children" rally was tomorrow. It was 1982, but it seemed that the whole Anita Bryant thing had already happened. This is so screwed up. I know it. Like when you read a story and you know the author didn't do the research to get his facts straight!
"I'm straight dammit! For the last time, I'm straight!" Joshua exclaimed as he pushed Peter away.
"You could have fooled me last night." scoffed Peter. He went back to reading his Advocate.
The apartment that they shared with Chip was definitely getting too close for comfort for Chip's sake. He was desperate to make a quick buck and blow town leaving the odd couple behind. That's when Chip spied the Advocate cover Peter was reading.
"That's it!" he yelled as he grabbed the magazine out of Peter's hand. "Gentlemen. I have an idea on how to make some quick money, and you two are the key!"
"We're going through with the kidnapping?" asked Joshua as he flexed his muscles.
"No, that wouldn't have worked. Her parent are dead, and it would just take too much time that we don't have. This is even better!" Chip said as he pointed to a blurb on the cover that read NEWLY OPENED KNUTS LANDING LEATHER BAR TO HOST FIRST ANNUAL MR GAY KNOTS LANDING PAGEANT!!
Last edited by AdrianCuldesac; 01-02-2009 at 01:05 AM.
Patricia had a lot of new things to buy for the house, so she had been compiling a long list of cleaning products, window dressings, linens, and the like. She decided to put a dent in that list after dropping Julie off for her first day of school. Only...Patricia didn't know where the local Wal-Mart was. "Ask Lilimae," Frank said, "I'm sure she would know where Wally's at."
Lilimae was in front of Val and Gary's, hosing away a smelly line of something resembling motor oil that seemed to be criss-crossing the large driveway.
"Hello, Miss Clemens...um, Lilimae," Patricia smiled, trying not to gag at the smell. Lilimae had smartly held a kerchief over her nose. What was that? Patricia thought. "Could you do me a favor? I've got this huge list of stuff to get for the house and I don't even know how to get to the nearest Wal-Mart. Could you give me some directions?"
Lilimae looked puzzled. "The what-mart?"
"Oh, no, I'm sorry--Wal-Mart. You know, the Supercenter. Wally-World?"
she always thought it was a cute nickname.
Lilimae still had no idea what Patricia was referring to. "Is that a wallpaper store? We have a nice wallpaper store in Knots Landing Square."
Pat was thunderstruck. How could she not know about Wal-Mart? The largest retailer in the world? She apologized and said they must not have that store out on the west coast, knowing that they did. Julie was waiting in the car so she didn't want to argue the point.
"Mom," Julie asked, "Is something wrong?"
"I don't think so...just...let's go."
Ginger was in a sunny hotel room up the coast. Erin Molly was asleep, and though Ginger had slept well, she was still unsettled. Was she going to stay away from the cul-de-sac forever to punish Kenny? Had she officially left him? She thought at the time that she was simply getting away from Bratney and her abusive, abrasive, and disgusting presence, but...she had slept on it and thought perhaps being away from Kenny for a while would be good, Bratney or no Bratney. At least when her hotel room phone rang, it wasn't some bimbo asking if Kenny was home. She opened the curtains and looked out over a grassy field and some trees, which was certainly an improvement over tightly-packed tract houses in suburban LA. Best of all, she'd used Kenny's Master Charge card to pay for the room, along with the "Super-Duper Amenities" package. Spa baths, massages, tennis, golf, mani-pedis...the whole ball of wax. And if Kenny wanted to get her back or see his daughter, he knew what he'd have to do (that is, whom he would have to get rid of).
Yes, this Lotus Point Resort was definitely a good place to de-compress.
The week came and went quickly. Karen and Sid had decided to throw a block party in the backyard to welcome the new neighbors.
Everyone showed up including Ginger and Erin Molly. Ciji was also there with a friend that she had brought over to Laura's the week before. His name was Michael Torrance and he was the owner of the newly opened Knuts Landing Leather bar, but Karen did not know this yet. Yes, everyone was there except for Bratney. Her debut album, Whose Sick Is This?, had flopped and she hadn't shown her face much since the "shake" incident, but Abby knew she was plotting something...
Eric Fairgate had a crush on Julie Williams. He had never seen such a pretty girl. Her smile was infectious and when she would cry everytime he asked her where they had moved from, his heart went out to her. Yes, she was indeed a special girl. Julie was talking to Diana when he decided he would try to make the first move.
"You know, we should go shopping together sometime. Your style is really nifty!" Diana said as she looked over Julie's outfit.
"Thanks..." said Julie, unsure if what Diana had said was for real. NIFTY?! "Are you joking?"
"Oh, no! I think it's pretty and sophisticated!" offered Diana.
"Oookkaaaaayyyyy." said Julie cautiously. "I guess it's a California thing. Mom and I have found that things are a LOT different here than they were back home."
"Well, I think you look real swell! A guy would have to be a total creep if he wasn't impressed by how you look, Julie!" interjected Eric.
"Oh, thanks, Eric. I...uh...think you're pretty cool yourself!" laughed Julie.
"Hey, you want to go to a movie sometime and maybe a burger and shake afterwards? I have about twenty-five bucks saved from my allowance."
"Is that enough?"
"Oh, sure! Does that mean you would like to go?" said Eric hopefully.
"Yeah, sure. Why not. I...uh...think that would be groovy!?"
Eric and Diana exchanged puzzled looks. "No one says 'groovy' anymore, Julie. Well, maybe if it was 1975! People nowadays would definitely think that you were a space case!" chuckled Diana.
The adults were all talking at the grill where Sid was flipping burgers. Karen decided she needed to know more about Michael Torrance and asked, "Michael, is it? What did you say you do?"
"Oh, he's a business owner, Karen. My those burgers smell great, Sid!" said Laura nervously.
"Laura, will you let the man answer himself." smiled Karen.
"Well, I'm afraid you were not home last week when I came over. I believe Laura said that you were at the "Save Our Children" rally. Which is ironic, because I just opened the KNUTS LANDING LEATHER BAR over on Swallows Lane. I guess you didn't see the fliers I handed out? We're throwing our first annual Mr Gay Knots Landing pageant next weekend. First prize is five thousand dollars, and we have a celebrity panel of judges. Paul Lynde, Rip Taylor, and Charles Nelson Reilly are scheduled to be there. Everyone is welcome, and even the guys here can participate in the contest. Doesn't matter if your straight. I'm sure half of the entrants are trade anyway. Oh, and Ciji here will be performing "It's Raining Men. Now if that isn't reason enough, I don't know what is! You really should come, Karen. It will be so much fun."
Karen was speechless.
"Ah, yes those fliers! Weren't those the ones you snatched down Karen and burned in your front lawn?" asked a bemused Richard.
"Karen, did you really do that?" asked Sid.
"Oh, Sid. Your wife wouldn't be that judgemental!" said Abby with mock innocence as she batted her eyes. "Right, Karen?"
Bratney came into the yard, with a 40 in her hand. It was almost empty, and by her walk, it was not her first of the day. "What the f*#k, bitches? No one invited me to the orgy? Oh, hey there Longhorn!" She was talking to the Fairgates' dog.
Karen turned away from the new arrival to glare at Michael and said, "I will not apologize for for doing what I think is right for this community! As a mother, it's my duty to protect our children from morally bankrupt people like yourself, Mr Torrance! Now, if everyone will excuse me, I'm not feeling well all of the sudden." and with that she started to walk back into the house. That was when Bratney decided to spill her guts all over the dog and cried, "Jesus Christ! That's one for the record books!" She then passed out.
"Not feeling well, Karen?! I'm sorry to hear that! You must have caught the same thing that poor child over there with no underwear, caught!" Michael yelled after Karen.
Sid looked at everyone and said, "I'm sorry, everyone. I don't know what got into Karen. She loves gay people. Really, Mr Torrance. Her hairdresser is gay. I need to go check on her. Richard, will you watch the grill for me?"
"Sure thing, Sid."
Michael was looking at Richard as he walked over to the grill. "I saw your picture over at your place the other day, Richard. You are quite the otter with all that body hair on that lean compact frame. And, I might add, cute as a button." Richard was suddenly becoming uncomfortable in his cream and brown track suit and zipped up the front of the jacket. "You should really consider entering the pageant. I think you would have a good chance at winning."
"Richard? Wow, that's like asking Lillimae here to be the new 'Charlie's Angel'!" joked Kenny.
"Good one, Kenny!" said Abby. "I really don't know why we don't talk more often!"
Lillimae looked up from where she and Val were trying to help Bratney. "First chance I get, I'm gonna run down that S.O.B. with the car! You hear me, Valene?" she said under her breath.
"Momma, it was just a joke. Now help me get these clothes off of her, so we can throw them in the wash."
"Honestly, Val. I don't know why you insist on helping these vagrant children. Oh, wait...yes I do." and with that Lillimae shut up.
Kenny looked at Michael and said, "How about me? Don't you think I'd have a sure shot at winning?" And to prove his point, he smiled his best smile while winking at the handsome gay man with a voice that sounded like honey.
"Oh, Kenny. The cute surfer boy thing may have worked a few years ago, but all that partying has definitely had it's toll on you!" laughed Ginger.
"No, I'm serious! I still have it! So, whaddaya say, Michael?" asked Kenny. His desperation was palpable.
"Well, I'm not saying you're unattractive, Mr Ward. You could do well, but Richard has that certain something." Michael said while never once taking his eyes off of Richard as he continued to flip his meat.
"Hey, Michael. That's great, but I have work on Monday mornings...and while I don't swing that way, I do try to watch a ballet every once-in-awhile with my beautiful wife! Whom I LOVE very much!" offered Richard nervously. And with that, he grabbed Laura and kissed her.
Ciji turned away and said, "Michael, can we go now?"
"Sure. Again, I hope that you all can make it next weekend. Frank and Gary, there's still time to register if you want to enter. Registration is closed by 2 pm tomorrow. There's a talent portion, a question and answer segment, and of course a swimwear parade. You just bring your swimsuit and any music necessary for your talent segment. Here's my businesscard. Rehearsal is tomorrow night at 7pm. If you have any more questions, just call the number!" and with that the two left the party.
"Frank, honey. You should register! I think it would be fun! You even have the police uni..." Pat stopped before she said anything that would arouse suspicion from the neighbors.
"Can you believe that guy? I'm sexy! Right, babe?" Kenny asked Ginger.
"I'm glad I have a baby, Kenny." was Ginger's response before walking off.
I don't care what anybody says! I'm the total package and I'm going to win that pageant! Everybody wants this! seethed Kenny.
"If you two win first and second place in that pageant, that's seven thousand dollars!" said Chip as he looked at his two roommates.
"I'm no queer!" said Joshua.
"And neither am I." said Peter sarcastically.
"But it's quick money! We need cash fellas. My measly income as a publicist is not cutting the mustard! And with your good looks and bodies, I have a feeling that that cash prize could be ours!" said Chip, but he had other plans on his mind. Or should I say mine for the taking and blowing this town once and for all and leaving these losers behind!
"Well, that was...fun?" Frank said as the Williamses entered their kitchen. The cookout was a very nice thing for the neighbors to do, but it had gotten rather tense at times. That little homeless girl with no panties seemed to keep turning up like a bad penny. Laura seemed to be staring at them like they were from another planet. Ginger had made it clear she was there totally against her will. Kenny was having some sort of mid-life crisis, swaggering around and chewing on gum like Burt Reynolds circa 1977. And Karen Fairgate...boy, was she all over the place! Inviting them to a barbecue and spending the whole evening on her soapbox instead of trying to be a good hostess....what a piece of work she was. Still, Frank and Patricia were trying their best to seem appreciative. But who were they trying to convince?
The phone rang, and Julie hoped it was Eric. It turned out to be even better--it was the moving company. They announced that the last portion of the Williamses' belongings had finally been pulled from storage and would be arriving at their home first thing in the morning. Finally! Patricia thought. They'd been waiting nine whole days. Frank offered to stay home from work (he still HATED his job) to let the movers in.
Across the cul-de-sac, Abby had put the kids to bed and was rolling the empty barrels out to the curb for the garbage men. Abby thanked God every night since Maybelline started offering mascara in 55-gallon drums.
"Sid! Did you take the trash to the curb?" Karen called out, with no immediate answer. "Sid? SID?!"
"C'mon, Laura, come to bed. I'm feeling...in the mood tonight..." Richard purred, having gotten his head filled up with all kinds of things at the barbecue. Laura was reading to Jason and was re-reading because she didn't want to get anywhere near Richard when he was keyed up like this.
"Shhhugaaahh, do you want some more tea?" Lilimae asked. "No mama, I'm just gonna go to bed. Gary's already asleep upstairs."
It seemed like just another night in Seaview Circle.....
Pat could not sleep. She kept thinking about how Laura gave her and Frank looks during the entire party. Is it because we're black?! It did occur to her that they were the ONLY minorities in the neighborhood. Perhaps Seaview Circle held some ugly secrets...
Karen was putting lotion on her hands. Sid was already in bed. He had not said much to his wife since the incident at the party.
"Sid, I-I'm sorry...for the way I acted. I don't know what got into me."
"It's not me who you should be apologizing to, Karen. All of our neighbors, especially the Williamses, THAT'S who you need to apologize to. What got into you?"
"I don't know. I know I've been moody lately. Things have been crazy here lately, what with the new neighbors, my rallying for whatever cause, and that horrible Bratney. Maybe I should slow things down for awhile. I'll go over first thing in the morning and try to make things right with everyone."
"Sounds good. You want me to come with you?"
"No. No. I need to do it alone. Go to sleep. I'll be there in a minute."
Sid rolled over away from the light in the bathroom to get some shut-eye. Karen waited a few minutes and when she felt it was safe, she pulled a bottle of pills from the cabinet...
Kenny was arguing with his wife over the phone.
"Ginger, this has gone on for long enough. I want my wife and daughter back here at home with me!"
Bratney looked on from the chair in the living room, as Kenny paced back and forth with the telephone in his hand. "Tell her I miss her, Kenny!" she said loud enough so that Ginger could hear her on the other end of the line.
"I'm not coming back, until she's gone, Kenny. Do you hear me? GONE! GONE! GONE! GONE!" and with that she slammed the phone down.
"Didn't go well? You know, you don't really need her, Kenny. Not when you have me around." Bratney purred while uncrossing her legs. True to form, she wasn't wearing any underwear underneath her leather skirt.
"My, God! Is that SMELL you? I've been wondering for days where that was coming from. I thought somehow a diseased rodent had crawled into my nasal cavity and died!"
Bratney didn't seem phased as she slid off the chair and took off her skirt. "How about you crawl into this? I'm sure there's no risk of catching anything NEW from each other." and she winked at him.
Thinking about Ginger and his conversation with her, Kenny knew what he had to do...
Laura had managed to avoid making love with Richard, and he had fallen asleep. She wasn't in the mood for anything right now. She could not stop thinking about the Williamses. She was walking downstairs to make some tea, when she heard someone knocking on the door. She opened it, and there stood Pat Williams in her robe.
"Can I come in? I saw that your lights were still on, and I decided to take a risk and see if you were still up. I think you and I need to talk."
"Agreed. I was about to make some tea." and with that Laura invited her new neighbor in.
From the Ward's front lawn, Ciji looked on. So, that's why she won't speak to me anymore. She got back on her bike and sped off while singing "All by myself....Don't wanna be, all by myself!!"
Last edited by AdrianCuldesac; 01-04-2009 at 01:45 AM.
The two ladies sat in the darkened kitchen of the Avery home. The only light came through the sliding glass doors.
"Talking to Valene the other day made me realize," Laura said as she poured a cup of tea for Patricia, "that perhaps I'm making you all a bit uncomfortable, and for that I'm sorry."
"Well, I didn't want to assume anything," Patricia said, "but I noticed you were looking at me and Frank...suspiciously!" Patricia nervously laughed, trying to play off the idea that maybe she had crossed paths with Laura in DC. She saw so many patients at Eisenhower Memorial--what if Laura remembered her? She had to feel out this situation.
"Oh, no...nothing like that. I've just been feeling a bit out of sorts, and believe me, being trapped in this house all day doesn't help! It must be nice to get out and have a job, to deal with more people than just the mailman!"
Is she buying this? Laura wondered. I really need to let her know I'm not some white supremacist or something!
She seems nice enough, Patricia thought, but boy does the girl need to get a life. That Richard guy must have her under his thumb.
Maybe if I told her some of my best friends are black. Yeah, that always helps!
She's trying so hard...but if she starts in one that 'some of my best friends' crap I'm outta here...
"Um, how about a cookie or something?" Laura asked. She got up from the table to fumble for the light switch in the dark end of the kitchen.
When Laura clicked on the lights, Patricia was awestruck. for once, it was Pat, not Laura, who felt something weird was going on.
"I can't believe it! I mean, your kitchen is exactly like mine. I mean, every detail. Even this tile! The cabinets. Patricia walked over to the sink. "You even have the same faucet! Were our houses built at the same time?"
Laura couldn't imagine they would have been--they didn't look the same from the front, though admittedly Laura had never been in the house thatthe Williams had moved into.
"It must be...I mean, the same handles on the cabinets! It's kind of..."
"Spooky?" Laura asked.
Kenny slept with Bratney and then threw her out of the house. Needless to say, things got ugly. With most of the neighborhood awakened by the very vocal exchange of obscenities, Bratney pleaded her case to everyone and ultimately Val and Gary agreed to let her stay with them until her Aunt and Uncle were able to get her.
The next morning Kenny called Richard for a favor...
"What?! Have you lost your marbles, Kenny? I thought you were just joking at the part yesterday. I hope to God you're joking now, because there's NO way..."
"Richard. I need some moral support here, and you're my best bud! Plus, I know you'll keep it quiet. I just have this NEED to win that pageant and prove to everyone that..."
"Will you listen to yourself? You sound crazy! You sound like you need to prove it to yourself more than anything!! Is that why you slept with that...nevermind, I don't wanna know! KENNY, I AM NOT GOING WITH YOU TO REGISTER FOR THAT DAMN PAGEANT!! GOOD-BYE!!"
DAMMIT!! Looks like I'm doing this alone. Kenny grabbed his keys and left the house.
"So, I heard you have a new houseguest. How's that going?" asked Karen as she poured Val a cup of coffee.
"So far so good. As soon as we got Bratney home, she passed out on the sofa and Gar took her up to the guest bedroom. When I came over here, she still hadn't woken up. I just can't believe that Kenny would do that to Ginger again."
"Well, look at the source. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, and hear his side of the story before I pass any judgements. I'm just sorry I wasn't there."
"Now that you mention it...did you sleep through that? Everyone came out to see what all the noise was about. Even Abby, and of course she had her face on!! I thought you would be out there any minute, but you never showed. Then when Sid came out without you, I thought..."
"Well, I was kind of outta of it...took a sleeping pill before I went to bed."
"Right there...yes, just set it down. I'll put it in place," Frank said, grinning widely as the guys put down that last piece of their job. Ten minutes later, after signing off on the delivery and giving the guys a decent (but not great) tip, Frank began unwrapping his 48", rear-projection stereo TV. Two weeks without football was starting to get really, really old. He called Patricia to let her know the rest of Julie's clothes and the PC had also arrived successfully. He then spent the afternoon in the house connecting wires on the computer and arranging the living room around the TV.
While Frank busied himself, Karen and Val were in Karen's kitchen catching up on news, gossip, etc. Karen had a rather practical opinion on Val's houseguest.
"Oh, please, if she was your niece, would you be in a hurry to come get her?" Karen said sarcastically. Val's eyes widened at the realization that her houseguest might end up being even worse than fish: At least fish wait three days to smell bad.
Often, Laura felt the only major decision she made every day was "What should I cook Richard and Jason for dinner?". This day, the big decision involved meatloaf and mashed potatoes, so she knew she'd have to go to the supermarket and pick up more potatoes and some coffee, since the cul-de-sac seemed to go through an awful lot of coffee. She knew Frank was at his house with the movers and such, so she thought it might be a good-neighbor kind of thing if she dropped off to ask if she could pick up anything for him. She'd smoothed things over with Pat, so this might help with Frank. Also, she could get a closer look at that house they'd moved into, because she was becomong more and more convinced that the houses had something to do with this weird pall that had been cast over the new neighbors.
She walked in to see Frank playing with wires to a computer. He had a computer...in his home! "Is the banking business that hi-tech now, that Pat has to bring her computer home?" Laura asked.
"It's mostly Julie's, really. You know, word processing and all. I barely know how to play Super Mario on it."
"Your daughter does computer work? Is she some sort of prodigy or something?" Laura had not ever heard of someone buying their child a computer, unless the Williamses were very, very well-off. Too well-off to live in this cul-de-sac!
She seemed to be further mesmerized by the huge TV that Frank had placed in the corner. It was like he was trying to have a movie-theater screen in his living room. "Isn't it something? I love this TV. I'm planning a night with Julie and Pat just watching The Cosby Show tonight for the first time in over a month."
Laura was barely paying attention at that point, feeling quite inferior to her rich neighbors. She'd never even SEEN someone witha computer in their own home, and that TV was like something from a movie star's house. Frank didn't need anything from the store as it turned out, but Laura's trip over did manage to smooth things over a bit...even if it made Laura more uneasy.