Dallas Situation Game

[Vote4Cliff]

C. Take a picture of his bottom half and show him what everyone else has to see.

You are Jock Ewing. Your wife shows you front & back photographs of yourself wearing a pair of Bobby's super-tight designer jeans. Do you...

A. Immediately give the jeans back to Bobby and change into your usual, grandpa-fit Wrangler work jeans
B. Realize what a stud you are and head into Dallas to flirt with the waitresses at the Cattleman's Club
C. Tell Ellie you are dumping her for Julie Grey - you are too much man to be married to a senior citizen
D. Show the photos to Punk and ask his opinion
E. Turn red with embarrassment and go hide in your room
F. Other?

[RedBeetEggs]

C. Tell Ellie you are dumping her for Julie Grey - you are too much man to be married to a senior citizen

You are Cliff Barnes and your ex-girlfriend V4C has trapped you in the elevator. Do you...

A. Cry out for help, hoping that a neighbor will hear and call the police.
B. Plead with V4C to forgive you and take you back because you really didn't mean to cheat on her with RBE
C. Overpower V4C with your effeminate arms and use the elevator phone to call for help
D. Jump up and down, hoping to dislodge the elevator from its tracks, because death is sweeter than V4C
E. Other?

[Vote4Cliff]

HEY???? WTF????

E. Other - bravely punch thru the ceiling access panel, climb up the elevator cable to another floor, force the doors open with your strong arms, call for help, rescue V4C and spend the rest of the day making passionate love to her (wearing a triple-ply condom, as you DID just cheat with RBE and don't want to risk anything until you've finished your course of antibiotics)

You are RBE. You are hired as JR Ewing's new secretary, as the former secretary Julie Grey is off on a romantic getaway with Jock Ewing. Your married, fat-assed, mama's boy, toupee-wearing new boss apparently suffers under the delusion that he is attractive and begins to flirt with you on your first day. Do you...

A. Primly remind him that he is a married man
B. Threaten to call his mama
C. Go out at lunch to buy horn-rimmed glasses, orthapedic shoes and a thick cardigan sweater to dissuade his advances
D. Threaten to call his wife
E. Flirt back
F. March down the Ewing Oil HR office and file a complaint
G. Other?

[RedBeetEggs]

E. Flirt back.

You are RBE and are faced with the moral dilemma of having an affair with your sexy older married boss. Do you...

A. Leave him begging for more
B. Quit and take up a job at the animal shelter vaccinating kittens
C. Say screw it and do just that
D. Put a surveillance camera in his office to blackmail him with at raise time
E. Take one for the team and report back to Cliff Barnes
F. Other?

[Fajita Mel]

C, A, and D, for good measure.

Let's say all that took place, but Sue Ellen Ewing found out, and now she's not the type to sit back and do nothing, wallow in drink and self pity, or send you off on a contract to Hollywood anymore. Now she's just going to kick your ass, and this bitch has been working out three times a day in the Southfork gym and drinking muscle milk by the gallon. She's threatened to "slice you". Do you:

A. Throw down behind the seedy Braddock saloon solo
B. Throw down behind the seedy Braddock saloon with your bitches
C. Challenge her to a game of wits -- do shots and see who passes out first
D. Hide behind fixtures and in doorways whenever you pass her on the street
E. Throw her classic line back at her when confronted: "Why Mrs. Ewing, I don't know what you're talking about!"
F. Other?

[RedBeetEggs]

A. Throw down behind the seedy Braddock saloon solo (I don't need no bitches to back me up!)

You are JR Ewing and you have just learned that your wife and mistress were arrested on assault charges. Do you...

A. Dump your mistress because that's not very lady-like
B. Keep your mistress on the side because secretly you like it rough.
C. Dump your mistress and go back to your wife because her fighting for you really turns you on.
D. Dump both and find a new mistress, preferably one that has slept with Cliff Barnes and enjoys hoagies.
E. Other?

[Vote4Cliff]

E. Other - Feel humiliated and jealous since your two women can hold their own in a back alley brawl but you couldn't even sissy slap fight with someone without getting your ass whooped.

You are Miss Ellie. 15 year old Ray Krebbs has come to live at Southfork, and is living in the ranch hand barracks and working full time. Do you...

A. Tell Jock he should be in high school and make arrangements for him to attend Braddock High with Garry and JR
B. Tell Jock he should live with a family and make arrangements for him to move in up at the main house until he is 18
C. A & B
D. Don't interfere and allow Ray to grow up stupid and with a serious inferiority complex
E. Decide this is a good opportunity for your own boys to learn the meaning of hard work and make them go down and do ranch chores with Ray every day
F. Other?

[RedBeetEggs]

D. Don't interfere and allow Ray to grow up stupid and with a serious inferiority complex (isn't that what really happened? although I don't find Ray stupid, he did though)

You are Ray Krebbs and have just witnessed JR Ewing dosing the ranch hand's Kool-Aid jug. Do you...

A. Go over and punch him out, just because you love punching JR
B. Do nothing and let the ranch hands ride the dragon
C. Do nothing and ride the dragon with the ranch hands
D. Quickly switch out the Kool Aid with the "WATER" jug and save the Kool Aid for a rainy day
E. Other?

[Vote4Cliff]

what?? what is dosing? what is ride the dragon? V4C is stumped

[RedBeetEggs]

what?? what is dosing? what is ride the dragon? V4C is stumped

Are you a square?!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ele...-Aid_Acid_Test

I'm a square too, it's okay.

[Vote4Cliff]

Whatever...there is only one correct answer anyway
A. Go over and punch him out, just because you love punching JR

You are JR and you have just been punched by your younger half breed half brother. Do you...

A. Punch him back
B. Pretend to be unconscious, aka play possum so there won't be a full-blown fight
C. Storm away threatening legal action
D. Storm away threatening to tell your mama
E. C & D
F. Cry
G. Other?

[RedBeetEggs]

I think I killed the thread.

B. Pretend to be unconscious, aka play possum so there won't be a full-blown fight

You are Cassie and are tired of working at the Oil Baron's Club. Do you....

A. Proposition JR to become one of his kept women
B. Beg Sue Ellen to make you the next Valentine Girl
C. Conspire with Dora Mae to pull a bank heist
D. Ask Lucy to get you a job at the Hot Biscuit
E. Other?

[Vote4Cliff]

C. Conspire with Dora Mae to pull a bank heist

You are Dora Mae and Cassie just asked you to pull a bank job with her. Do you...

A. Flip out on her for being racist - is she coming to you to join her in crime because you are the only BLACK character on the show?? WTF??
B. Pretend to go along with the plan but double-cross her by tipping off the cops & have her arrested. She was a b*tch to work with anyway.
C. Suggest she try hooking up with JR. You have seen JR Ewing's fat ass gobble down a lot of roast beef platters over the years and are curious how desperate she really is.
D. Recommend she get a job over at the Cattleman's Club - the sluttier waitress uniforms probably guarantee bigger tips.
E. Other?

[RedBeetEggs]

Seriously, what is your hang-up about roast beef platters?! You haven't lived until you've tasted slow cooked beef slathered in congealed fat drippings spooned over artificial mashed potatoes in a down-home restaurant setting like the Cracker Barrel. That's fine, more for JR and me.

D. Recommend she get a job over at the Cattleman's Club - the sluttier waitress uniforms probably guarantee bigger tips.

You are Donna and Duran Duran has just asked you to appear in their latest music video. Do you...

A. Politely decline because you're afraid your selfish husband Ray will quash the idea anyway
B. Accept on the condition of anonymity of appearing behind shutter shade sunglasses.
C. Accept on the condition of making it with Simon Le Bon before and after the video is filmed
D. Hold out for a better offer from Flock of Seagulls
E. Other?

[Vote4Cliff]

all good choices!

B. Accept on the condition of anonymity of appearing behind shutter shade sunglasses.

And I just found it gross that fat, bloated JR would sit down and order a bourbon & branch and the "roast beef platter with all the fixins' darlin" - just, ugh. so unattractive. and this after we see him having eggs, sausage, bacon, biscuits & gravy, etc. at breakfsat on the SF patio. geez, have the broiled salmon and a salad you pig.

Next scenario. You are Sue Ellen. You notice JR eats a very unhealthy diet, drinks too much, does not exercise and has become fat, bloated, and red-faced. Do you...

A. Do nothing. He will kick off from a heart attack sooner or later and you will be a rich widow.
B. Discuss the SF menu with Miss Ellie and have Teresa serve a more healthy diet with fresh fruits and vegetables.
C. Hold a special session of the DOA focused on improving the diets of all the businessmen in Dallas.
D. Go to the Oil Baron's and Cattlemen's Club restaurants where JR frequently has lunch and demand they take the roast beef platter and other rich meals off the menu.
E. Ask Ray what he eats...cause he looks damn fine.
F. Other?

[RedBeetEggs]

F. Since Sue Ellen already KNOWS what Ray eats after spending the night at his place she will request that Teresa tone down the fatty breakfast meats.

You are JR and your wife has suggested you go on a diet (even though your mistress RBE will chow down on a roast beef platter with you anytime). Do you...

A. Go with the flow, losing a few pounds never hurt anyone.
B. Visit Cliff at his office and ask him how he stays so svelte after eating all that Chinese food and pizza.
C. Overrule Sue Ellen and reinstate bacon at every meal period
D. Leave Southfork and move in with your roast beef loving girlfriend
E. Other?

[Fajita Mel]

E. Agree with Sue Ellen, even stock up a little extra on the fruit and veggies at meals, but sneak extra bacon when she's not around

You are Sue Ellen. You tell JR that you want to spice things up between the two of you. He:

A. Surprises you with handcuffs -- bondage never fails
B. Suggests a threesome and you punch him in the mouth
C. Asks you what you did with that black teddy you bought in 1978, implying that now would be a good time to use it
D. Suggests getting away from Southfork for a while because being forced to be quiet gets irritating after 15 years
E. Other?

[Vote4Cliff]

B. Suggests a threesome and you punch him in the mouth

You are RBE and you are naked, hiding in JR's bedroom closet, waiting for Sue Ellen to agree to a threesome before you jump out and yell "surprise!" but instead, Sue Ellen does not go for the idea and punches JR. Do you...

A. Rush out and assist JR, calling Sue Ellen a bully and telling her to go fetch an ice pack
B. Remain quiet and wait until things calm down so you can sneak out unnoticed
C. Boldly walk out of the closet, nod curtly to Sue Ellen as you pass, and head down to Ray's red brick house for Plan B
D. Fall asleep waiting for JR to come fetch you, and scare the crap out of Teresa the next morning when shhe opens the closet
E. Other?

[RedBeetEggs]

D. Fall asleep waiting for JR to come fetch you, and scare the crap out of Teresa the next morning when she opens the closet. (though I wouldn't share JR, thank you very much)

You are DARIUS and you are sick of Charlie whining and complaining while riding you all over creation. Do you...

A. Seek revenge by bucking her off into the muddy part of the stream
B. Kick her really hard while she attempts to put on your saddle
C. Get into Ray's truck and drive yourself to the glue factory
D. Jump the fence and run as far as your hooves can take you
E. Other?

[Vote4Cliff]

LMAO @ C

I pick B

You are Ray and you find Charlie unconscious on the ground and Darius is giving you the stink eye. Do you...

A. Realize Darius has had enough of bratty Charlie, immediately load him into horse trailer and go sell him to someone else, planning to tell Charlie he ran away when she regains consciousness.
B. Call 9-1-1 and start CPR
C. Throw Charlie in the back of your pickup and drive her to Houston, leave her in an alley somewhere, planning to tell Jenna she ran away when she comes looking for her.
D. Run over Charlie with your truck to finish her off, then do a hand-hoof high five with Darius
E. Other?