Seduction and Love -- a MR poem

[fbi_woman]

Title: Seduction and Love
Author: fbi-woman
Rating: K / PG or whatever
Type: MR
Spoilers: Don’t read if you haven’t seen the movie .
Disclaimer: I own nothing and I’m not claiming to. This is just an original work inspired by a movie.
Summary: About Satine during the Sparkling Diamonds / Elephant Love Medley area of the movie.
A/N: I’m really not sure how I feel about this one. I’ve rewritten it A LOT and I’m still not sure it’s right. I really hate not having my poems rhyme and not writing in triplets, but I suppose I can’t do that forever . This is actually potentially for a contest on one of my forums, so please let me know what you think. And please, try to be constructive, even if you hate it. Flaming isn’t going to help.

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Descending from heaven
To dance with the devil
Fiery curls frame porcelain skin
Bloodstained lips and innocent eyes

A thing of beauty
She tempts dark desires
The brilliant actress
Filling every man’s dreams

Her voice fills the room
And echoes in the streets
Lost in her song
The audience of sinners

A sparkling fantasy
Teases their eyes
The star of the night
Their temporary toy

They buy her love
Then leave her behind
None of them know her
None of them care

Through sequins and smiles
Only one man can see her
The girl in a cage
Who dreams she might fly

If she gives him a chance
If she lets someone in
At least in the daylight
This love could save her

[The Lovely Sue Ellen]

To be honest Kelly its my least favorite of your MR poems
but its not Awful
I really like it
its just not my favorite

[fbi_woman]

I hate it . The contest is that I'm supposed to make it clear what movie it's about without actually saying anything to do with the movie. I like certain parts of it, but not the thing as a whole. I hate writing non-rhyming and I prefer to write in triplets, both of which are not popular in poetry. I didn't enter it in the contest yet cuz I wanted to write a few more first.

I wish I hadn't already posted my Fur one or my Cold Mountain one of my Darkness Wins MR one.

[fbi_woman]

REVISION

I'm changing the second line in the last section to be "And lets herself fall"

[fbi_woman]

just thought I would add that I just won a contest with this one.

I also tied for second with La Nuit and third with The Fall.