18 New & Innovative Phrases To Avoid Swearing In The Workplace

[SueEllenRules!]

One of my co-workers emailed these to me. I have no idea where they came from, but most of them sound like something I could have written so I thought I'd post them here. Hope you enjoy!

SWEARING AT WORK POLICY
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New & Innovative Phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas & information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f*** you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-busting b**ch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f***ing way.

5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh***ing me!

6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a sh**.

7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f***ing problem.

8) TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f***?

9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh** won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the h*** didn't you tell me sooner, a**hole?

11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his a**.

12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh** and die.

13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a**.

14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F*** it, I'm not on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a**.

16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job s*cks.

17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the h*** died and made you God?

18 ) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a pr*ck.

Thank You For Your Consideration,
Human Resources

[mztx71]

LMAO. I'll try to remember those

[Sarah]

very good

[MrsJREwing]

This won't work in the workplace, but works well with kids. My Aunt had a habit of saying For the love of God. When she was annoyed. Now she says For the love of Pete. Now I have started doing it. It works great. Now, if I can just work on saying crap repeatedly.