View Full Version : Dallas.......Off Topic Style
05-04-2004, 04:12 PM
Our story begins.....
JR "gravy" Ewing.....http://www.soapchat.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif.... has just arrived home from a rough day of wheelin' and dealin' in the oil business. He heads to the study and fixes a bourbon and branch.
JR notices that Jock's car is home.
"I wonder where Daddy is" , JR says to himself.
About that time he hears the back door to the house slam and Jock cussing. (cursing for the Euros....LOL)
"Damn cows, shittin' everywhere....", Jock mutters as he walks into the room.
"Well Daddy, looks like you had a rough day."
"Don't you be flip with me, boy. I just fell out in the barn and I smell like hell. I am going to get cleaned up for supper. You better have me a drink fixed when I get back!"
"What do you want ,Daddy , the usual?"
"Yeah. Bourbon and Branch and hold the Branch!"
Okay...LOL.....I got it started.....lets see how and where it goes....NO DREAMS.....LMAO...http://www.soapchat.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
05-04-2004, 07:12 PM
LMAO...cow shit and bourbon...that is off topic style. http://www.soapchat.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
05-04-2004, 07:14 PM
I wouldn't have it any other way....http://www.soapchat.net/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
05-08-2004, 06:22 PM
As Jock began to climb the stairs, he heard the click of shotgun getting ready for action. He looked up to find Miss Ellie standing at the top of the stairway, gun in hand.
"Don't take one more step, Jock," Miss Ellie said in a calm voice.
"Miss Ellie, what in the hell are you doin' woman?" Jock exploded.
"This is my house, and no man is tracking cow shit through it," Miss Ellie informed him. "Teresa spent all day shampooing the carpets, and I won't allow you to ruin them. Back down the stairs with you."
"Now you wait just a minute, woman," Jock said, his face flushed with anger. "This is my house too, dammit, and no woman is gonna tell me what to do! Get out of my way, 'cause I'm comin' upstairs whether you like it or not."
Miss Ellie aimed the gun at Jock, stopping him in his tracks.
"It's not often that I take a stand, Jock, but you know I'll do what I have to," Miss Ellie went on, her eyes never wavering from Jock's gaze.
Jock lifted his arms in anger, then suddenly dropped them. "Okay, Miss Ellie, you win this time. I'll go shower at Ray's."
"Thank you, Jock," Miss Ellie said warmly.
"You know something, woman," Jock said with sudden admiration. "I like it when you're fiesty. You still have that old horsewhip around that you used to bring me in line when we were young?"
Miss Ellie smiled. "Why don't you take that shower and come back and find out?"
05-08-2004, 07:45 PM
J.R. walked into the library and poured himself a drink before he sat down and turned on the TV hidden in the bookcase.
"Welcome to Eleven O'Clock news. Our lastest breaking story is... wait! We just received word that the Ewing Oil building has disappeared-"
J.R. spits what liquid he had in his mouth and caught his breath. "The hell you say!"
"Apparently what appeared to be a UFO floated above the building and shot down a beam of light which apparently beamed the building into its mother ship. More updates coming soon," concluded the newscaster."
J.R. quickly turned off the TV and rushed into the living room where he found Miss Ellie and Peter Richards kissing passionately on the sofa. "Excuse me, Mama, but where's Daddy at? It's important!"
Miss Ellie finally pulled herself away from kissing and looked at her eldest son. "He's at Ray's," she bluntly replies before going back to making out with Peter.
J.R. proceeded to the door, then looked back. He just shrugged and walked towards his car and sped off toward's Ray's.
Jock steps out of the bathroom, his hair covered in a hairnet and wearing a towel his waist down. "Hey, Ray, have 'ya found yourself a woman yet? I wonna see your kids before I'm ready for the box," he shouts.
Ray smiles and pats Jock on the back. "As a matter of fact, I did find a lady. I couldn't find a suitable woman, so I chose that heifer that was checking me out in the pasture."
A cow standing in the living room moos, acknowlodging its presence.
Suddenly J.R. rushes in...
05-08-2004, 10:10 PM
J.R.: What's with the cow?
Ray: Unless your wanting to get beat-up, I wouldn't be talking about my woman like that!
J.R.: Ray, I'm in no mood right now to discuss your pedophile and beastiality tendencies. We've got a big problem daddy. That son of a bitch Aaron Spelling sent over a UFO to steel the Ewing Building. We've got to stop him!
Jock: Boy, you tell him I know a few executives at ABC who owe me some favors. You tell him if he don't bring back the Ewing Building I'm going to call in my markers! And I'll make sure those executives see too it that Dynasty looses the static acting and once again has quality scripts. Hell, I'll even insist they re-instate all original actors! You tell him that boy, and I'm sure he'll re-think stealing our building.
J.R.: Yes sir. I know Aaron loves replicating things and making them crappier, but the thought of a coherrant Dynasty may just be too much for him to take. It's like I always say, where there's a will there's a way.
Jock: Damnit boy, that's what I always say! What's the matter with you? I am Takapa!
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