They Didn't Say That

[Kimmekap]

Miss Ellie: Not tonight Jock, I can't find my sponge or the lube!!!

Amanda Ewing: Playing crazy is what got me a divorce from that idiot bastard Jock...

Jack Ewing:

[Sid Fairgate]

Miss Ellie: "I hate open land. I'm requesting DFW airport be relocated on Southfork!"

Mickey Trotter:

[Kimmekap]

Mickey Trotter: Hey, I happen to like my uni-brow!!! It's the only thing that isn't paralyzed on me now!!!

Sue Ellen:

[Vote4Cliff]

Mickey: Ray, kiss my ass I'm sick of you bossing me around and making me work on the ranch...hey, wait, no - I'm sorry - don't pull the plug....!!

Suellen:

[Kimmekap]

Sue Ellen: I'm so drunk I can't feel my hair or teeeeffffssss... *SMACK! Hits the floor*

Roger(Lucy's kidnapper)

[Daphne]

Roger: Lucy, I don't know how you got to be a model, you're far to chubby

Julie Grey

[Kimmekap]

Julie Grey: I guess I got lucky with death... Poor Sue Ellen was actually married to the bastard...

Bobby:

[Vote4Cliff]

Bobby: Pam, the tightness of my Jordache jeans has nothing to do with my low sperm count or our ability to have a baby!

Pam:

[Daphne]

Pam: I wish that Cliff wasn't my brother, he is so annoying

April Stevens

[Vote4Cliff]

April: I wish I wasn't friends with Cliff, he is so annoying

Jackie:

[Kimmekap]

Jackie: Does anyone around this office actually work other than me???


Sly:

[mutt]

: 'uncle harry is actually my Sugar Daddy"



Jeanne O' brien

[Scarlett]

Jeanne O'Brian: Yes I am the real Pammy Barnes Ewing, why do you ask?

Cliff:

[Kimmekap]

Jeanne O' brien: I make a way hotter Pam!!!

Cliff:

[Scarlett]

Cliff: Marilee Stone, will you marry me?

Sue Ellen:

[Kimmekap]

Sue Ellen: JR, I will go to AA if you go to Asshole's Anonymous...

JR:

[kygirl]

JR(in "The Dove Hunt":
: Be vewy vewy quiet- we're hunting wabbits"

Mitch

[Kimmekap]

Mitch: There are loonies at the hospital that have more common sense than Lucy's family...

Cliff:

[mutt]

Some one gave me Greek food instead of chinese


Garnett mcgee

[Kimmekap]

Garnett McGee: I bought this fancy-purdeee rhinestone outfit from THE STORE... Ain't it a looker???

JR:

[mutt]

JR.. Iam a jeannie in a bottle baaaaabbbyyyyy


Lee ann dela vega

[Vote4Cliff]

LADV: My turn to be the MASTER - come here, JR!

Jamie Ewing:

[Kimmekap]

Jamie: Hey, there's a girl on Three's Company that kinda looks like me but she is really dumb!!! I can't stand to watch her act!!!

Wes Parmalee:

[Scarlett]

Wes Parmalee: Ellie I'm not Jock I'm Digger.

Jenna Wade:

[mutt]

Jenna hi iam the walking Zombie of the Dallas cast

sherriff fenton

[Scarlett]

Sherriff Fenton: Freeze, Dallas PD!

Jenna Wade:

[Daphne]

Jenna: I am glad we spent the night together JR, it was something Ill never forget!


Cally

[mutt]

may i call you Ellie May



James

[Mickey Fairgate]

James: "I'd rather have Bobby as my Daddy"

April:

[Kimmekap]

April: Til' death do us part??? Uh, just how true is that statement??? Is this part really necessary???

Dusty:

[Mr. Eugene]

Dusty: Viagra is for losers.

Scotty Demerest

[Mickey Fairgate]

Scotty Demerest: "Jock, I don't think we have a chance in hell of winning, unless you pull in some of your markers...you'll pretend I didn't say that!"

Mitch:

[Kimmekap]

Mitch: Why does Lucy get to model? I'm the pretty one!!!

JR:

[DuffMan]

JR: Boy Sue Ellen the way you put that vodka away, I'm buying as much stock in the company as possible. It might be more profitable than oil.


Wes Parmalee:

[Scarlett]

Wes Parmalee: Ellie is in love with Clayton, maybe I should stay away and go back to South America.

Bobby:

[Sid Fairgate]

Bobby: "I divorced Pam because I really fancy Cliff!"

Dianna Farrington:

[Kimmekap]

Diana: Between JR & Cliff, there are no lesser of the two evils...

James:

[Ewing6]

James: I wish Bobby was my Daddy instead of JR.


Louise:

[Kimmekap]

Louise: Damn, if I could only screw JR... I might have a better role on here!

Sue Ellen:

[Scarlett]

Sue Ellen: J.R., come back to my bed, I said I was sorry for sleeping with the milk man.

Pammy:

[Mickey Fairgate]

Pam: "I wrote that letter that Katherine let you read, Bobby, I wanted you to know how I really felt after my mother's death, the battle for Ewing Oil, and your damn stubborness about trying to win Ewing Oil."

Bobby:

[Kimmekap]

Pam: Bobby, you are so sweet and moral... Are you sure you are not adopted?

Bobby: JR use to play dress up in momma's sack dresses when we were little... That explains a lot about him!!!

JR:

[Scarlett]

Bobby: Donna, we could have been great together.

J.R.: Mamma, I hate you, you neglected me my entire life. And you have the audacity to wonder why I'm so messed up?

Jordan Lee:

[Kimmekap]

Jordan Lee: Being rich gets you laid faster than being good looking. I'm living proof of that!!!

Jock:

[Scarlett]

lol so true.

Jock: I stole from Digger Barnes, I admit it! Now can we please drop this tired story line!

Clayton:

[kygirl]

Clayton:" Please Ellie, don't wear that sack dress to bed- its giving me nightmares!"

Teresa

[Scarlett]

Teresa: Time to iron another sack dress.

Mrs. Chambers:

[mutt]

All i do is look after that EWING BRAT his mother doesnt want nothing to do with him at all....


Roger Hurley

[Scarlett]

Did you mean Larson?

[Oil Baroness]

I think he means Roger Hurley, the character who bribes Lucy to go out with him in the mini-series.


Roger Hurley: Lucy, can I borrow your Uncle Bobby's bell-bottoms the next time I go to the disco?

Bonnie:

[EwingWannabe]

Bonnie: Damn Donna hits like a man!


Liz Adams:

[Scarlett]

I didn't know there was a Roger Hurley.

Liz: I'm so terrific, I've played two different characters.

April:

[EwingWannabe]

April: We're going to Paris for our honeymoon?? God somebody shoot me!


Mandy:

[Scarlett]

lol

Mandy: A movie deal, I don't think movies are really my thing, I prefer the oil industry.

John Ross:

[Daphne]

John Ross: I can't believe Im adopted!

Cliff

[Scarlett]

Cliff: I could have had Sue Ellen!

Christopher:

[Daphne]

Christopher: When I grow up I am going to move out of Dallas, I just hate it here

Carter McKay

[Scarlett]

Carter McKay: Good Morning, Ewing Oil.

Tracy Lawton:

[Kimmekap]

Tracy: April, you can have Bobby... Most of his girlfriends & wives end up either blown up in a car, in jail, stalked or dead.

Marilee:

[Vote4Cliff]

Marilee: Suellen, how's about a threesome with JR & me? (oh, wait - that is something she probably DID say) ;)

Cliff:

[Kimmekap]

Cliff: JR, let's end this feud... You know you want me!!!

Dusty:

[Vote4Cliff]

Dusty: JR, let's end this feud... You know I want you!!!

Miss Ellie:

[one mighty hobble]

Miss Ellie: Clayton, why don't you bring that Laurel girl home and we'll have some fun

Ray

[Kimmekap]

Ray: Lucy-Pam, uh I mean Jenna... Jenna, you are so damn sexy! (Insert smack from Jenna)

Clayton:

[Scarlett]

Clayton: I did my part in the court case for ownership of Ewing Oil, I bribed Jamie.

Lucy:

[Kimmekap]

Lucy: My parents are having a much easier life in Knots Landing... No drama there!!!

Dusty:

[Ewing6]

Dusty: Dad! What the hell do you mean Sue Ellen is my sister!


Mitch:

[Scarlett]

Mitch: I'm just here to dull Lucy's role on the show.

Afton:

[Kimmekap]

Afton: I, Afton, take you, Cliff, to my lawfully wedded husband to have & to hold until death do us part...

Miss Ellie:

[Scarlett]

Miss Ellie: I should have married Frank Crutcher over that dumb Clayton Farlow.

Jock Ewing:

[Kimmekap]

Jock: Look at all my sons successfully running Ewing Oil together. Brings tears to my eyes...

Sue Ellen

[Scarlett]

Sue Ellen: I think I'll make a movie on a whim, it can be about my ever-loving husband Bobby.

J.R.:

[Kimmekap]

JR: Everybody hurry up!!! I don't want to be late for church! It's my turn to deliver the testimony this week on loving your spouse...

Bobby:

[Scarlett]

Bobby: Oil is boring, I want to go ride my horse.

Mandy Winger:

[runaway mom]

Mandy: That's it...from now on I'm only going out with cheap men. Cliff is so perfect.


Ellie:

[Kimmekap]

Ellie: Maybe if I would of breastfeed JR, he wouldn't of been such a jackass...

Pam:

[Eddie Ewing]

Sue Ellen: Welcome to Southfork Pam. I am so happy that you're here!

[Scarlett]

Ellie: Maybe if I would of breastfeed JR, he wouldn't of been such a jackass...

Pam:

Pam: I love DOA meetings. All of that idle chatter and gossip, who needs work at The Store when you can shop and plan charity events all day.

Cally Harper Ewing:

[one mighty hobble]

Cally: I can't stand tomato juice

Christopher

[Vote4Cliff]

Christopher: Uncle Cliff, why do you always make me bring my piggy bank when you take me somewhere? Can't you pay just once?

Leslie Stewart:

[Scarlett]

Vote4Cliff, you are killing me. I can see little Christopher toting his piggy bank with him because Cliff is too cheap to pay for a slice of pizza.

Leslie Stewart: I'm a seductress.

Dusty Farlow:

[Kimmekap]

Dusty: JR, you're right... You are the best man for Sue Ellen, you're the one with the nicer liquiror cabinet.

Rebecca:

[Mickey Fairgate]

Rebecca: "I'm going to be nice to the Ewings, after all, they've done so much for Cliff over the years"

Peter:

[Kimmekap]

Peter: I'm reaching puberty & Sue Ellen is reaching menopause... We are a scary combination...

JR:

[Scarlett]

J.R.: Gary, you louse, stop picking on Pamela!

Bobby:

[Mickey Fairgate]

Bobby: "I think I'll fake my death and then inject Pam with a solution to make her dream for a whole year....then I can come back and pretend I never died"

Ellie:

[Scarlett]

Ellie: Bobby Ewing, that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. How can you do that to the viewers?

Sue Ellen:

[Kimmekap]

Sue Ellen: If I knew I would of been spending the all these years putting up with JR's shit, I would of lied about shooting him & gone to jail...

Ray:

[Scarlett]

Ray: Clayton, Donna told me I was a nobody, is that true?

Kristin Shepard:

[Mickey Fairgate]

Kristin: "Of course I shot J.R....Alan didn't have the balls to do it, so I did it, but I couldn't see that well in the dark so I couldn't do as much damage as I wanted to"

Sue Ellen:

[Scarlett]

Sue Ellen: In the end I couldn't leave J.R. - I loved him too much - enough to put up with the cheating, and the lying, and the put downs. But you know what - the big ranch makes it all worth it.

Pam:

[Oil Baroness]

Pam: JR, you sexy beast, take me away before you lose me forever!

[Scarlett]

Pam: What do you mean I'm overfeeding Christopher? Well he's a growing boy, and growing boys need their food.

Jamie Ewing Barnes:

[Kimmekap]

Jamie: Cliff is such a gentleman... He always puts my needs first...

[kygirl]

Jamie: "Whew- I love it here on Southfork. It sure beats that tiny apartment living with a guy and sharing a room with another woman..."

Willie Jo Garr

[Kimmekap]

Willie Jo Garr: Hell, I at least thought Julie's hair & make up would break her fall...

JR:

[Vote4Cliff]

JR: I need to find out what shampoo Bobby is using to get his hair so thick and full and luxurious!

Julie Grey:

[Kimmekap]

Julie Grey: I was safer on the island with that idiot Gilligan...

Bobby:

[Vote4Cliff]

Bobby: What the hell happened to my shampoo? Pam? Have you seen it?

Suellen:

[Kimmekap]

Sue Ellen: Keep bitchin' JR, I'm reloading!!!

Ray:

[Sid Fairgate]

Ray: "Now that Jock is gone, I can finally make my move for Miss Ellie!"

Oswald Valentine:

[Kimmekap]

Oswald: Sue Ellen, you're gonna have to stop chasing me. I'm just not interested in you... Sorry, Oh Sue Ellen, don't cry & put the vodka down...

Donna:

[Vote4Cliff]

Donna: yes Ray, I threw out all your plaid shirts. I bought you a bunch of nice of shorts sleeved golf shirts to wear for a change...

Cliff:

[Kimmekap]

Cliff: I'm gonna live forever... I've preserved myself with soy sauce & coffee...

Dusty:

[Vote4Cliff]

Dusty: I used to be "Lusty Dusty" now that my package is out of order, Suellen's calling me "Rusty Dusty"

Kendall:

[Kimmekap]

Kendall: The doors open, the doors shut. The doors open, the doors shut. The doors open, the doors shut. WOW! This job is so hard some days... The doors open, the doors shut... Shit, I lost count again!!!

Connie:

[Vote4Cliff]

Connie: I wonder if JR or Bobby suspect that Sly & I have been lovers for years!

Jeremy Wendell:

[Kimmekap]

Jeremy Wendell: To My Favorite Valentine JR... XOXO's Jeremy...

Digger:

[kygirl]

Digger: "Hell, I didn't want Ellie- it was her momma I was after- what a MILF!!"

rebecca

[Kimmekap]

Rebecca: I never left Cliff & Pam. I was kidnapped like that runaway bride in Georgia with the freaky eyes...

Jock:

[kygirl]

Jock: " Oh hell. Teresa forgot to take my fav. black suit to the cleaners again. Guess I'll have to wear this gawd awful powder blue one again. i swear, sometimes I think that woman does it to me on purpose..."

Christopher

[Kimmekap]

Christopher: Just think Aunt Sue Ellen, am I constant reminder to you everyday of your miserable life that my mom could please Uncle JR in bed better than you??? He says I have her smile & whine...

John Ross:

[Sid Fairgate]

John Ross: "Mama, why do you always role your eyes and quiver your lip when you have something to drink?"

Rita Briggs:

[Kimmekap]

Rita Briggs: Sue Ellen is pissed about not being able to buy my baby. Bet she'd more pissed when she found out I got pregnant by JR. Can't win them all!!! Wonder what Kristin is up too?

Wes Parmalee:

[Scarlett]

Rita Briggs: I can't be bought.

Pamela Barnes Ewing:

[Kimmekap]

Pam: Wonder if Rita will sell me the baby instead??

Wes Parmalee:

[Ewing6]

Pam: Wonder if Rita will sell me the baby instead??

Wes Parmalee:


Wes: Damn I should've waited to fake being a Ewing. I'd much rather be Bobby.



Dora Mae:

[Kimmekap]

Dora Mae: That whole Ewing family ain't nothing but white trash with money. JR is the worst, cheap cracker...

Carter Mc Kay:

[Sid Fairgate]

Carter McKay: "Does this brown vest make me look fat?"

Blackie Calahan:

[kygirl]

Carter McCay(singing in the shower)" Won't you be, please won't you be- my neighbor....Hi neighbor!!"

mark

[Kimmekap]

Mark: Jeezz Pam, if I knew how hard it was to get you in bed... I would of gone after Sue Ellen, all she needs a few shots & a weak lie...

Kristin:

[kygirl]

Kristen: Hello, Ewing Oil, this is the ho of the month speaking, how may I direct your call?

Clayton

[Kimmekap]

Clayton: Damn it Ellie, tell Teresa to stop buying those chips with Olestra... Keeps giving me anal leakage & some days I can't make it to the toilet in time. Underwear looks like I hit a damn deer or something...

Ellie:

[kygirl]

Ellie( with Jock in their bedroom, singing, doing her famous striptease): You make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like a nat- ur -al woman"

Bobby

[Kimmekap]

Bobby(to therapist): Well, all the trama started when I was six & my mom bought her first sack dress.... It was horrible, just horrible!!!

Rebecca:

[one mighty hobble]

Rebecca: Next time let me fly the plane!

Ray

[kygirl]

Ray: " Hello, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? Yeah, my names Ray Krebbs- yeah, I was wondering if you can do the same for me like you did for Jock Ewing- He sure looks fine"

JR

[CowboysLady]

JR: It sure makes me sad that Christopher isn't mine.


Julie Grey:

[Mickey Fairgate]

Julie: "I think Cliff is better in bed then J.R....but J.R. would kill me if he knew that"

Mitch:

[CowboysLady]

Mitch: JR is the coolest guy I've ever met!


Guzzler:

[kygirl]

Guzzler: " Bobby, I think the only way I can repay you is if I marry Jenna and take her far far away from here. My useless character will have meaning and save countless Dallas fans from some of the worst scenes ever."

Matt Devlin

[Kimmekap]

Matt Devlin: "Gidget, uh! What? What show am I on again? Dallas! What? Sue Ellen, JR, Jock, what??? This better be a long lasting character!!!"

Jordan Lee

[Vote4Cliff]

Jordan: Sly, would you like to step into JR's office for a little Cartel gangbang?

Gil Thurman:

[Kimmekap]

Gil: I should of screwed Cliff instead, Afton was like humping wall paper...

John Ross:

[mutt]

PEEEDDDUUUURRRRR the pervert is in my dreams



Luke Middens

[kygirl]

Luke: " Uhh Bobby? Do these chaps make my butt look big?"

Serena

[Kimmekap]

Serena: Sue Ellen, it's a damn shame when your husband treats his call girls with more respect than the mother of his son & gives us more money too...

April:

[Mickey Fairgate]

April: "I won't let Bobby call me "Pam" in bed"

Jordan:

[Kimmekap]

Jordan: Kristin, on your way back from shooting JR tonight. Can you pick up a six pack of beer? Oh, don't forget the nachos too. Thanks sugarplum...

Bobby:

[EwingWannabe]

Bobby: Pam, does this polka dot shirt make my ass look big??


Jock:

[mutt]

I built this Ranch on ROCK AND ROLL



Liz

[Kimmekap]

Liz: HHHMMM! Is it me or does my fake southern accent send cats into heat & dogs a whining?

Pam:

[Mickey Fairgate]

Pam: "Bobby, I'm sure I didn't mean to call you Mark while we were doing it, but your new moustache reminds me of him!!!"

Sue Ellen:

[kygirl]

Sue Ellen( on her first night with JR)" Is that it? HAHAHAHHAHAHA!"

mickey

[runaway mom]

Sue Ellen( on her first night with JR)" Is that it? HAHAHAHHAHAHA!"

mickey




Mickey: JR you wanna mess around??


Jack Ewing:

[one mighty hobble]

Jack: April, I love you so much!

Jackie

[mutt]

Cliff the only reason why i am still your secretary is cause i LOVE your whining voice



Rebecca "

[Mickey Fairgate]

Rebecca: "I only left Digger because all that booze caused him to not be able to "perform" like he used to, so I had to go out and get it from somewhere else"

Pam:

[DuffMan]

Rebecca: "I only left Digger because all that booze caused him to not be able to "perform" like he used to, so I had to go out and get it from somewhere else"

Pam:



Pam: Mark, would you please shave? Last time you kissed me, I almost choked on a hairball.


Afton:

[one mighty hobble]

Afton: (singing) Purchase me away and let me go sometime soon


Cassie

[Girl Watching Basketball]

Cassie: "Thanks for the tip, Mr. Ewing."

Lucy:

[EwingWannabe]

Lucy: Why am I attracted to losers??


Louise:

[Scarlett]

Louise: If that woman loved her son so much, she would spend some time with him rather than shoving him onto me all the time.

Sly:

[Daphne]

Sly: JR you are the worst lover I've ever had!

Jackie

[Scarlett]

Jackie: Cliff, you maybe want to do something after hours?

Sue Ellen:

[Vote4Cliff]

Suellen: Cliff, you maybe want to do get together with me & Jackie to do something after hours?

Pam:

[Scarlett]

Pam: Hey Cliff, can I join you, Jackie, and Sue Ellen at your after hours gathering?

Bobby:

[Vote4Cliff]

Bobby: Hey Cliff, three women is a lot for a little guy like you to handle. Can I join in with you, Pam, Jackie and Suellen at your after hours gathering?

[mutt]

REMEMBER TO LEAVE A NAME FOR THE NEXT PERSON PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!


Sue Ellen : JR i have to do every thing on this Ranch buy your ties, Clean up the magazines and also get the groceries...


Serena

[Mickey Fairgate]

Serena: "J.R., you didn't wash down there today, you stink"

Liz:

[one mighty hobble]

Liz: Pam that poodle hairdo is the sexiest I've ever seen

Mr. MacGregor

[Mickey Fairgate]

Mr. MacGreagor: "Mrs. Ewing [Ellie], I would be willing to forget the feed bill for awhile if you could get Mrs. Krebbs to show me a little affection."

Ellie:

[kygirl]

Ellie:" instead of drilling on section 40 to save Ewing oil, lets torch the house and collect the insurance money"

Jock

[Mickey Fairgate]

Jock: I have a better idea....let's get Pam, Sue Ellen, and Lucy to work as "Ladies of the Night".....that ought to bring in some fast cash"

Sue Ellen:

[Scarlett]

Jock: Over my dead body will you set fire to my house, Miss Ellie!

Sue Ellen:

[mutt]

Every one Wants my Body I was MRS TEXAS



Sly

[Mickey Fairgate]

Sly: "Mrs. Stone, would you like to come over and have dinner and play games tonight?"

Phyllis:

[Scarlett]

Phyliss: Oh Sly, may I come and play games with you and Mrs. Stone? My life is so boring and I'm dying for entertainment. I'll bring parcheesi.

Marilee Stone:

[Mickey Fairgate]

Marilee: "Please, I don't think I want to come over and play games with a couple of office workers, I'd much rather play with Pam and Sue Ellen".

Pam:

[Oil Baroness]

Pam: Miss Ellie, why don't you come down to The Store for a make-over?

Sue Ellen:

[Scarlett]

Sue Ellen: Yes Miss Ellie, you could really use an upgrade.

Miss Ellie:

[Mickey Fairgate]

Miss Ellie: "I don't need a makeover, I'm perfect in every way.....even with having had a breast removed, I'm still hot hot hot!!!!"

Bobby:

[Scarlett]

Bobby: Mamma, don't say 'hot hot hot', it makes me sick, sick, sick.

Clayton:

[Vote4Cliff]

Clayton: I wouldn't mind a makeover, I've always fancied getting some moustache wax and making little curls on either end.

JR:

[Scarlett]

J.R.: My wife Sue Ellen doesn't need a makeover, she's perfect just the way she is.

Muriel Gillis:

[DuffMan]

J.R.: My wife Sue Ellen doesn't need a makeover, she's perfect just the way she is.

Muriel Gillis:




Muriel (laughing) JR wishes Sue Ellen was perfect, then she'd leave his silly ass.

Harlan Danvers:

[Scarlett]

Dr. Harlan Danvers: I don't know how to tell you this Pam, but you're not dying at all. Looks like you'll have to find your way back to Dallas and Bobby. I wonder what the writers will do to bring you back.

Punk Anderson:

[DuffMan]

Dr. Harlan Danvers: I don't know how to tell you this Pam, but you're not dying at all. Looks like you'll have to find your way back to Dallas and Bobby. I wonder what the writers will do to bring you back.

Punk Anderson:


Punk Anderson: Mavis you think you could try on one of those sack dresses??


Digger:

[Scarlett]

Digger: The last time Rebecca said she wanted to wear a sack dress, I threw her out of the house.

Donna Culver Krebbs:

[kygirl]

Donna: "imagine- Pam wanting to give Miss Ellie a makeover- she'll probably come home with one of those poodle perms- coupled with her sack drees she'll look like a box of rice Krispies"

Dr Elby

[Scarlett]

Dr. Elby: Sue Ellen, what is this obsession you have over makeovers? You keep on trying to find ways to improve yourself, rather than accept yourself as you are.

Sue Ellen:

[kygirl]

Sue Ellen: "Speaking of makeovers Dr Elby, I made an appointment for you - didn't you know fros are so last decade?

JR

[Scarlett]

J.R.: With Sue Ellen spendin' all my money on her makeovers, I have to double cross five times as many people to break even.

Bobby:

[kygirl]

Bobby:" JR, I know you've been angry with me for allowing Pam to help Sue Ellen with all those makeovers. But we're still family. Remember, Bro's before Ho's"

Teresa

[Scarlett]

Teresa: Those Ewing women don't know it, but I'm slowly pilfering their precious beauty supplies and selling them on the black market. I'm making a bundle, this more than makes up for my less than minimum wage salary that I get from the stingy Miss Ellie.

Clayton:

[Mickey Fairgate]

Clayton: "I'm helping Teresa sell those beauty supplies, I"m putting the money back into my refinery operations."

Lucy:

[Scarlett]

Lucy: I just got Clayton and Teresa meeting up in a back alley. I wonder what they're up to?

Pam:

[kygirl]

Pam:" Stupid Teresa and Clayton. Those 'beauty supplies' they've been stealing are just old bottles filled with cow manure!!"

Bobby

[Scarlett]

Bobby: Pam I'm worried about you and the fight for control of the beauty products. It's taking up all of your time, you Sue Ellen, mama and Lucy, are never home. Honey, this needs to stop.

Ray:

[Mickey Fairgate]

Ray: "I've never actually been curious about being with a guy, but if I was, I'd either do Mark Graison or Peter Richards......or maybe even Mitch Cooper, he's a very pretty boy"

Donna:

[Scarlett]

Donna: I'm getting out of politics to help Miss Ellie, Sue Ellen, Pam, and Lucy with their makeover beauty products. Right now we're getting a patent and calling them Dazzling Dallas Delights.

Sue Ellen:

[kygirl]

Sue ellen:" Ok, this has gotten out of hand- In NO WAY am I sharing the spotlight with that half breed's wife- I'm going back to the DOA!!"

Hutch McKinney

[one mighty hobble]

Hutch: Rebecca, you ignorant slut!


Punk Anderson

[Mickey Fairgate]

Punk: "Mavis, I want you to sleep with J.R. and see if it'll get him to stop trying so hard to beat Bobby in this contest that Jock set up"

Mavis:

[Vote4Cliff]

Hutch: Rebecca, you ignorant slut!

OMG hobble!! lol lol lol too funny!

[Scarlett]

Mavis: Punk Anderson I will not prostitute myself in such an undignified fashion.

Rebecca Wentworth:

[Oil Baroness]

Rebecca: Speaking of makeovers, Ellie, you do really need one! Why don't you get Sue Ellen help you pick out a shopping turban?

Ellie:

[Scarlett]

Ellie: Well, Sue Ellen invited me down to Valentine Lingerie tomorrow, I suppose I can pick up a few things there.

Lucy:

[Oil Baroness]

Lucy: Grandma, why don't you just borrow my pink, striped swiss miss costume from modeling. It will make Clayton so hot for you!

Clayton:

[Scarlett]

Clayton: Ellie, I beg of you, take the pink costume off, it isn't your style.

Sue Ellen:

[kygirl]

Sue Ellen: "Ooohh Miss ellie, can I have the Swiss Miss outfit? I'm sure one of my truck full of lovers would find me quite fetching. I'll let you borrow my harem girl outfit in the meantime"

Pam

[one mighty hobble]

Pam: Christopher, I am not feeding you anything today. Neither is Louise, Angela or Grandma. You'll just have to do without.


JR

[kygirl]

JR:" Say Bobby, can I borrow that goat herder costume you wore for halloween? I've got a little something extra special planned tonight"

Raoul

[Vote4Cliff]

Raoul: Do these white pants make my ass look fat?

Ray:

[kygirl]

Ray: (rolling over and clearing his sleepy eyes)"no Raoul, but that jacket needs a little mending where I tore it off your hot body!"

Jock

[Mickey Fairgate]

Jock: "A woman's place is in the bedroom, except for when she's under the table in the boardroom, giving head to all the guys."

Cliff:

[kygirl]

Cliff:" This new Beauty Secret company Dazzling Dallas Delights has really taken off. i need to talk to Katherine and Momma about opening our own division"

Katherine

[Sugar&Slick]

" I wish I had more sisters..I'd be so nice to them"


Mandy Winger:

[Mickey Fairgate]

Mandy: "I'm not 'that Winger tramp', I do have some virtue"

Sue Ellen:

[kygirl]

Sue Ellen:"Hmmm... now where did I put that gun..."

Mrs. Reeves

[Scarlett]

Mrs. Reeves: Finally, no more caring for John Ross, with Sue Ellen finally coming to her senses, I can work toward my dream of modeling Dazzling Dallas Delights.

Mrs. Chambers:

[kygirl]

Mrs. Chambers:" Hmm.. That no good biddy Mrs reeves is going to model Dazzling Dallas Delights- I'm going to work for Barnes Wentworth on their new beauty campaign!!"

Rebecca

[Mickey Fairgate]

Mrs. Chambers: "That little John Ross is certainly like his father, always trying to grab at my boobs....I finally just hauled off and smacked John Ross good one day, he's not touched me since".

J.R.

[Scarlett]

Rebecca: Cliff is going to need my help to get Barnes Beauty off the ground floor, I'll just play the dedicated mother I never was and we'll beat the amoral Ewings.

J.R.: Serena, I got you a little present, some make up from my wife's beauty company.

Pam:

[kygirl]

Pam:"Just as I thought. Sales of Dazzling Dallas Delights have plummetted, Miss Ellie, since the Dallas Press posted those pictures of you in your harem outfit and Jock chasing you around the pool with Sue Ellen's turban and a bedsheet wrapped around his shoulders"

Miss Ellie

[Scarlett]

Miss Ellie: Pam, when Cliff came to visit you, did he go into my bedroom and look through my special photos for Clayton. I swear that picture of me was never meant to be seen. Now Barnes' company is growing by the minute, but let me tell you something, the feud between the families is back on, and it's stronger than ever!

Clayton:

[kygirl]

Clayton:"Darn it all- Why doesn't Ellie dress up for me in the harem costume?"

Katherine

[Scarlett]

Katherine: Cliff Barnes is the perfect candidate to continue my daddies legacy.

Afton:

[kygirl]

Afton:" That's it!! I'm leaving Cliff after he told me I couldn't be the spokesperson for Barnes Beauty!!"

Vaughn Leland

[Scarlett]

Vaughn Leeland: J.R. has included me on another one of his schemes, to defeat Barnes Beauty, but this time I'm looking out for myself as well, stealing their products and working with Teresa and Clayton to sell them on the black market. This way, I make money either way.

Marilee Stone:

[mutt]

I slept with EVERY ONE including Digger Barnes


Hutch mckinnon

[Scarlett]

Hutch McKinnon: I believe in the sanctity of marriage.

Jeremy Wendell:

[Girl Watching Basketball]

Jeremy Wendell: JR, your father did so much for the oil business. Can I keep his portrait?

Mitch:

[kygirl]

Mitch:" Dazzling Dallas Delights is ruining my plastic surgery business"

Connie

[Mickey Fairgate]

Mitch: "I don't know why I married Lucy, I was so much happier having a boyfriend then to try and pretend to be straight....guess I wanted to see if I could stand to lead the straight rich life....not for this puppy, let me back into the gay life!!!"

Lucy:

Connie:

[kygirl]

Lucy:" Well, I still think I should be the face of DDD- I have all that modeling experience"

Connie:" I'm sorry Bobby, but your mother has just hired me as the new secretary of Dazzling Dallas Delights. Besides, they have better employee benefits"

bobby

[Scarlett]

Bobby: Darn it, this DDD is ruining my family!

Cliff:

[kygirl]

Cliff:" Finally, our Barnes Beauty products are ready to hit the shelves. With Katherine our spokesmodel amd Momma backing the venture, we'll get those Ewings for sure!"

Sue Ellen

[Scarlett]

Sue Ellen: Cliff sure is looking sexy, putting up those posters for Barnes Beauty. Maybe lightening does strike twice...

Pam:

[kygirl]

Pam:" oh how awful!!! More Miss ellie pictures!! Our DDD stock is sinking fast!!"

Clayton

[Scarlett]

Clayton: Teresa, we need to stop selling Dazzling Dallas Delights on the black market and give our support to the Ewing family. You know, Miss Ellie always thought of you as family.

Cliff:

[mutt]

Frankly: Scarlett 88 i rather sleep with you


Jimmy :

[Scarlett]

Frankly: Scarlett 88 i rather sleep with you


Jimmy :

Me and Cliff Barnes? :p

Jimmy: Why didn't I have a story line?

Lucy:

[kygirl]

Lucy:" Uh Grandma, have you been raiding my modelling outfits again?"

Katherine

[Mickey Fairgate]

Katherine: "I am going to go into hiding, and then have plastic surgery to make myself look like Jenna Wade, then Bobby will marry me after I have offed the real Jenna"

Jenna:

[Mr. Eugene]

Jenna: I'll bet Francine Tacker couldn't have gotten Elvis.

Jenna Wade -- as played by Morgan Fairchild

[Oil Baroness]

Jenna: After a late-night romp with Maynard Anderson, I make sure I coat my skin in Dazzling Dallas Delights. I hear the DDD moisturizing eye cream takes years off your face!

Maynard:

[Scarlett]

Maynard: Okay J.R., what are doing getting that hussy to mention me in a product placement for Dazzling Dallas Delights? I have a reputation to think about!

Julie Grey:

[kygirl]

Julie:" Wait 'til Cliff gets a hold of this red file- it holds the secret ingredients to Dazzling Dallas Delights!"

Jock

[Scarlett]

Clayton: Willie Jo Garr and Jeb Ames, I want you to take care of Julie Grey before that file gets to Cliff...No I don't care how you do it, just get it done. Miss Ellie is very upset, and when she's upset, she goes to sleep right away, and then I get upset.

Jeb Ames:

[kygirl]

Jeb:" Just the thought of those to- oh GAWD!!! Well, we better pay a visit to Julie"

Cliff

[Scarlett]

Cliff: Oh no, Julie' dead, and I need a new leak to DDD. Maybe I should pay Darling Pammy a visit.

Christopher:

[kygirl]

Christopher:"Mommy, Uncle Cliff's on the phone"

pam

[Scarlett]

Pam: Clifford Willard Barnes, you bastard, how dare you call me and tell me to come over to Barnes Beauty. I helped found Dazzling Dallas Delights. I have two words for you: Drop Dead!

Sue Ellen:

[kygirl]

Sue Ellen:" Pamela, I've reconsidered. I'd like to come back to DDD, especially now that Miss Ellie is retiring from the company due to all the scandals her ummm, pictures have caused. I understand Donna is on the legal end. I'd like to help with the Sales if I could"

Teresa

[Scarlett]

Teresa: If I play my cards right, Miss Pam and Miss Sue Ellen will let me on the DDD's ingredients.

Raoul:

[kygirl]

Raoul:" That Cliff Barnes is paying me a lot of money to steal the secrets of DDD. I suppose I could get Miss Sue Ellen drunk and pry the ingredients out of her..."

Miss ellie

[Scarlett]

Miss Ellie: Rebecca wants to make a peace offering. I used to think she was stupid, now she's stupid and weak. Back off a fight, never!

Bobby:

[kygirl]

Bobby:" Pam- we have a problem. It seems several Dallas women who have been using DDD have had, well, serious side effects"

Donna

[Scarlett]

Donna: Ray, I'm not coming home for dinner tonight, I'm meeting up with the women who have facial imperfections due to DDD. I know I can sort this out and make this right for Miss Ellie.

Kendall: