Footballers Wives

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

What does everyone think of this soap?

I bought the first two seasons on DVD from China and I'm LOVING the show. This is just a classic soap. It reminds me a lot of Dynasty. Also, the acting is top notch. Zoe Lucker who played Tanya is doing a GREAT job. Also, her husband and the Walmesley's.

As for the storylines, I think they're pretty good. I hear that with the third season, it gets much trashier which sounds good, I just hope all the new actors are good. Currently, season 4 is getting ready to start, and after it wraps, a spin off is going to begin!

It's a half hour, 12 episode series which I also can't wait.

Currently, I'm eagerly awaiting a DVD release of the third season. Hopefully it's soon.

[Toby]

Currently, I'm eagerly awaiting a DVD release of the third season. Hopefully it's soon.

Out in the UK on 4th April.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

THANK YOU! I had no idea, thanks so much Toby! I'll be ordering it.

[Piece of cake]

Chris I Loved this Tacky soap when it was out,,,But,,this last season was very rude,,and My son wasnt allowed to watch..

Although,,i think he did,,,in his room..

Have u seen the bit where Tanya marks her T on his back yet ??

Classic !!

[abbylexis]

I love this soap, I am thinking of buying the DVDs. I read all the synposis, it's so interesting, the characters seem very interested.

too bad, American TV isn't like European TV, they don't import any foreign shows. it's all domestic.

I want to see Corronation Street Too.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

Abbylexis, this show is right up your alley! It's to me, the new Dynasty. Moreso than any other show. Tanya Turner will make Alexis look like Krystal! It's really a good show.

Now i have the third season DVDs to look forward to!

[Toby]

You've seen the show. Now play the game!

Here's your Top Trumps Footballers' Wives set.

http://www.dollsoup.co.uk/tt1.jpg

http://www.dollsoup.co.uk/tt2.jpg

http://www.dollsoup.co.uk/tt3.jpg

[Piece of cake]

Hey Toby,,,LOL,,well done !!!

Where did u get these ??

They are not really Top Trumps ,,,are they ????

I love the Common Ratings !!

[Canon]

Isnt the new season Tanya's last?

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

Tanya is only going to be in the first 4 episodes I hear. :( Also, Tanya's exit is supposed to be great so we'll see. Strange, she's the very last original cast member and I'll definitely miss her.

Also, for the spin off, "Extra Time," they said we'd be seeing familiar faces, so I wonder who's going to that spin off/returning. I really can't wait to see it.

And Toby, that's hilarious.

[Canon]

I bought the first two seasons on DVD from China and I'm LOVING the show.

Chris, do you mind me asking if it was a website you bought it through?

As OTT as this show is there's still something that draws me too it :o

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

I got the DVDs off eBay Canon. They have lots of the DVDs on there. You should check it out. I recommend getting the season 1 & 2 boxset, it saves money and has good coverart.

[Canon]

Thanks Chris.

Im actually on ebay right now, waiting for an auction to end hopefully I wont be outbid!

[Canon]

But,,this last season was very rude,,and My son wasnt allowed to watch.

Yes it did get quite racy, especially with the bi-sexual couple. I wonder if they'll push it as far this season.

[DynastyMan2001]

I am willing to buy the first three series of Footballers Wives from anyone who is willing to make copies for me... I tried downloading off the internet but that has proved impossible. I am DYING to see this show...Tanya Laslett is the new bitch in town and I want to see her in action. Her photos ooze bitch and they show promise...oh and by the way...which came first? Footballers Wives or Bad Girls? And which new spin-off are you looking forward to? Bombshell or Extra Time?

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

Bad Girls came before Footballers Wives and the spin off FW: Extra Time starts after Wives ends in April. BTW, Tanya Turner from FW appeared for 5 episodes on Bad Girls, I guess I'll need to get that on DVD too! :p

[Toby]

Series 6 of Bad Girls, in which Tanya Turner appears as a "guest" inmate for three episodes, is out on DVD on 20th June (UK).

[Canon]

taken from digitalspy.co.uk

Second 'Footballers' Wives' spinoff planned
Thursday, February 24 2005, 09:15 GMT -- by Neil Wilkes

ITV2 is planning a second Footballers' Wives spinoff show, according to Broadcast this week.

The new programme, called FWTV, will take a "tongue-in-cheek" look at the daily concerns facing professional footballers and their other halves.

FWTV will go out alongside the next series of the popular ITV1 drama in the eight weeks before the first spinoff, a new drama, makes it to air.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

Wow! So this makes two spin offs at the same time!? I must say, I'm more interested in Extra Time. This one I dunno about. I can't wait until we begin to learn casting details.

[DynastyMan2001]

Wow! So this makes two spin offs at the same time!? I must say, I'm more interested in Extra Time. This one I dunno about. I can't wait until we begin to learn casting details.

Go To TVTOME.COM and look under ALL SHOWS and search for BOMBSHELL...The Cast list and characters are already listed there and the show was supposed to premiere either this month or next but was pushed off to show the new season of Footballers Wives (?) or some other show.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

I just checked, Zoe Lucker is in this?! I'm really going to have to see this too. BTW, this other Football related soap, Dream Team, comes on some digital channel I have. THey show a "new" episode Thursdays with a Friday repeat. I'm going to start watching the friday repeats starting tomorrow.

[DynastyMan2001]

I just checked, Zoe Lucker is in this?! I'm really going to have to see this too. BTW, this other Football related soap, Dream Team, comes on some digital channel I have. THey show a "new" episode Thursdays with a Friday repeat. I'm going to start watching the friday repeats starting tomorrow.


Chris is Dream Team an American show or is it from overseas?

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

It's from overseas. I don't know much about it. I'm still looking for a website and TVTOME was acting screwy. I'm interested in finding out where we are in the US run.

[DynastyMan2001]

It's from overseas. I don't know much about it. I'm still looking for a website and TVTOME was acting screwy. I'm interested in finding out where we are in the US run.

Well Chris which channel is airing this series here in the States? is it the BBC? or someother channel?

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

FSWLD is the name of the channel, it just shows Football all day long. Not American football either. Everything is from overseas.

[Canon]

Dream Team is from the UK. If they are showing it from the very beginning - dont miss it - as the first few seasons are great.

[Toby]

Series four of FW starts on ITV on 31st March.

[Toby]

taken from digitalspy.co.uk

Second 'Footballers' Wives' spinoff planned
Thursday, February 24 2005, 09:15 GMT -- by Neil Wilkes

ITV2 is planning a second Footballers' Wives spinoff show, according to Broadcast this week.

The new programme, called FWTV, will take a "tongue-in-cheek" look at the daily concerns facing professional footballers and their other halves.

FWTV will go out alongside the next series of the popular ITV1 drama in the eight weeks before the first spinoff, a new drama, makes it to air.

Yes indeed. Satirical commentary on FW, which is itself a satirical commentary on 21st century "micro-celeb" culture. Can this show get any more self-reflexive?

BTW, series one of FW will be released on DVD in the *US* ON 7th June.

[DynastyMan2001]

BTW, series one of FW will be released on DVD in the *US* ON 7th June.


OH.

MY.

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Are YOU SERIOUS?!?!? Please give me the link to this information?!?!?

[Toby]

OH.

MY.

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Are YOU SERIOUS?!?!? Please give me the link to this information?!?!?

No firm details yet, but it has been announced. Click here. (http://www.footballerswives.tv/info/info_fw3dvd.html)

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

OMG, lol. If it has better coverart, I may still buy it. :p I just love this show too much. Now is the time I need to start checking eBay for the series 3 dvds. I can't wait.

[Toby]

OMG, lol. If it has better coverart, I may still buy it. :p I just love this show too much. Now is the time I need to start checking eBay for the series 3 dvds. I can't wait.

Be careful on ebay. Sometimes you can end up paying for dodgy bootleg copies.

The official cover art for the UK Series 3 DVDs should look like this:

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B0007LEJKO.02.LZZZZZZZ

[DynastyMan2001]

No firm details yet, but it has been announced. Click here. (http://www.footballerswives.tv/info/info_fw3dvd.html)


Thanks, Toby, you have made my YEAR! I can't believe I didn't see this as much as I stay on that site...but anyway on June 7th, FW will no doubt be purchased and added to my collection. I am planning on having my own summer primetime soap lineup while I am in summer school and like I said this has just made my entire year. The DVDs I already have are The O.C., One Tree Hill, Dallas, Dynasty is pre-ordered, and I have Dawson's Creek and I am going to throw in Miami Vice only because I haven't gotten around to seeing all of the episodes cause I am busy with school. I might also add Buffy and Angel to that list as well.

Now the search for a multiregion DVD player has been eradicated! :D :D :exit: :thankyou:

[Toby]

Happy to be of service. :)

[Toby]

Just to let people know that series four of FW starts tonight on ITV at 9 p.m. The first episode is 90 minutes long.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

So excited to hear it's starting tonight even if I won't be able to see! For the US release, they should've done the season 1 and 2 boxset since at 16 episodes, it pretty mcuh makes a US season.

[Canon]

Tonights ep looks great, cant wait.

[Piece of cake]

Well,,,,once again i had to tell my 13 year ld he couldnt watch it !!

Loved it !!!

Tanya just gets better and better....

[Toby]

Thoroughly enjoying series 4.

The baby swap business is a standard soap cliche, given extra kick by the tragic end for one of the babies. I don't mean to come across as sick, but the whole storyline is quite funny in a morbid, twisted kind of way. After all, this is a show that featured near-necrophilia (Nurse Dunkley's carnal intent towards the comatose Frank in the first series) and a character being literally shagged to death thanks to copious quantities of vodka and viagara. The funeral, with that enormous, ostentatiously tasteless white marble gravestone "Pundarik Apollo Gates", had me trying not to laugh.

The Katie Jones story is equally good. The first episode satirised the bad behaviour of footballers abroad that hits the headlines every season, and the subsequent storyline references films as diverse as The Hand That Rocks The Cradle (aggrieved woman seeks vengeance on the woman who ruined her husband by posing as a nanny and insinuating herself into the household) and I Spit On Your Grave (rape revenge video nasty). I burst out laughing at the visual gag in the showers with all the tattoed backsides of the players.

Bruno and Lucy Milligan are proving to be good additions to the cast, with Bruno in particular proving to be a thoroughly slappable hateful bastard.

And I wonder where the religious cult storyline with Noah is going.

Best sights and sounds - A bored Tanya filing her nails during her Caesarean, and Hazel asking Shannon for the name of her interior designer after looking at the disgusting decor in the latter's house. "My downstairs bog needs a make-over."

[DynastyMan2001]

Thoroughly enjoying series 4.

The baby swap business is a standard soap cliche, given extra kick by the tragic end for one of the babies. I don't mean to come across as sick, but the whole storyline is quite funny in a morbid, twisted kind of way. After all, this is a show that featured near-necrophilia (Nurse Dunkley's carnal intent towards the comatose Frank in the first series) and a character being literally shagged to death thanks to copious quantities of vodka and viagara. The funeral, with that enormous, ostentatiously tasteless white marble gravestone "Pundarik Apollo Gates", had me trying not to laugh.

The Katie Jones story is equally good. The first episode satirised the bad behaviour of footballers abroad that hits the headlines every season, and the subsequent storyline references films as diverse as The Hand That Rocks The Cradle (aggrieved woman seeks vengeance on the woman who ruined her husband by posing as a nanny and insinuating herself into the household) and I Spit On Your Grave (rape revenge video nasty). I burst out laughing at the visual gag in the showers with all the tattoed backsides of the players.

Bruno and Lucy Milligan are proving to be good additions to the cast, with Bruno in particular proving to be a thoroughly slappable hateful bastard.

And I wonder where the religious cult storyline with Noah is going.

Best sights and sounds - A bored Tanya filing her nails during her Caesarean, and Hazel asking Shannon for the name of her interior designer after looking at the disgusting decor in the latter's house. "My downstairs bog needs a make-over."


Sounds hot...(I'm in love with Paris Hilton, excuse me :p ) I wish I could get one of those satellites that picks up overseas channels and watch it with you, Toby. BTW, the first series of both Footballers' Wives and Bad Girls is up for pre-orders on Amazon. com. FW costs $26.23 and Bad Girls cost $33.73...I will be picking up Footballers Wives first, but I am interested in seeing Bad Girls, which should I watch first?

[Toby]

FW costs $26.23 and Bad Girls cost $33.73...I will be picking up Footballers Wives first, but I am interested in seeing Bad Girls, which should I watch first?

Hmmm.... perhaps watch series one of BAD GIRLS first which is dramatic but rather grim - and then watch FOOTBALLERS' WIVES to cheer yourself up!

[DynastyMan2001]

Hmmm.... perhaps watch series one of BAD GIRLS first which is dramatic but rather grim - and then watch FOOTBALLERS' WIVES to cheer yourself up!


LOL. I just might...but when does Tanya appear in Bad Girls? And how long was she on there and during which season hiatus of Footballers Wives?

[Toby]

LOL. I just might...but when does Tanya appear in Bad Girls? And how long was she on there and during which season hiatus of Footballers Wives?

Tanya doesn't appear in BAD GIRLS until series six and is only in it for three episodes. The storyline takes place between series three and four of FOOTBALLERS' WIVES.

[WalfordMafia]

I didn't find the episodes and storyline featuring Tanya Turner in BAD GIRLS all that sensational. If I was going to recommend any perticular season or story, i'd suggest Season Three (which introduced Kate O'Mara as Virginia O'Kane, and the Brixton Bootlace Gang) or the final storyline to Season Five, which saw the superb Yvonne Atkins locked deep, deep beneath the prison.

with Footballers Wives, the style has pretty much changed itself with each successive season: the first was, as much as it was trashy, quite low key, quite gritty. The camp level increased every time the show returned, which isn't a bad thing, but it depends what you like personally. I'm enjoying the current season (the fourth), but I think the perfect balance was struck with the previous season, and some things may be getting a bit too fantasatic.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

The evolution of FW is interesting to hear about. IMO, season two was amazing and cannot be touched, but who knows? I also don't know how they'll get around all the cast exit, I mean, by the end of season 4, there will be no original cast members. I'm interested in seeing how this works out for them.

As for the esculating camp, I look forward to that too. I just have a feeling this show could pull it off better than the others. Even with season 2, you see the show has really changed from the first which was less glamour, more serious storytelling for the most part.

But Bad Girls, I'm going to give it a shot from seasom one. I hope it's good. BTW, when does Stephanie Beacham arrive?

[Toby]

But Bad Girls, I'm going to give it a shot from seasom one. I hope it's good. BTW, when does Stephanie Beacham arrive?

Not until series five.

[willie oleson]

I love this show, extremely camp and - thank God - there is no football in it! (except for the locker room scenes :) )
It started with the families of 3 football players (hence 3 story lines) but S3 was more like a Tanya Turner show to me. I must say she did a great job and although Tanya has no scruples at all, I just couldn't hate her.
Is there something like an evil, greedy, slutty heroine? :cool:

[Toby]

I didn't find the episodes and storyline featuring Tanya Turner in BAD GIRLS all that sensational. If I was going to recommend any perticular season or story, i'd suggest Season Three (which introduced Kate O'Mara as Virginia O'Kane, and the Brixton Bootlace Gang) or the final storyline to Season Five, which saw the superb Yvonne Atkins locked deep, deep beneath the prison.

Personally, I prefer series 1-2, where the character arcs (Jim Fenner, Sylvia "Bodybag" Hollamby, Shell Dockley, Yvonne Atkins, the Helen Stewart-Nikki Wade love story) seamlessly coalesced with the wider political commentary - an expose of life inside a women's prison - in the storylines.

I started to lose interest in BAD GIRLS from series 3 when the stories and characterisation took on a much more conventional soap-like feel, and the series seemed somewhat contrived. Central to this was the degeneration of Fenner's character from a wonderfully seedy, calculating and corrupt baddie to the Anti-Christ, a laughably indestructible pantomime villain.

[Toby]

I think the perfect balance was struck with the previous season, and some things may be getting a bit too fantasatic.

Agreed. The third series saw the format being perfected. The boring characters (the Walmsleys) had been written out, new exciting characters (Conrad and Amber, Harley and Shannon, Noah) had been brought in and the storylines were more daring and outrageous than ever before.

Tanya burying one husband (quoting Robbie Williams in the eulogy) and then marrying another on the same day wearing the same clothes; and then setting about shagging him to death. Chinese Triads. ABBA-themed sex parties. The newly widowed Kyle joining an illegal “fight club”. Tanya and Amber having a catfight and competing for the affections of louche, polysexual Beckham-alike Conrad. Harley and Shannon's wedding where they take off in a hot-air balloon and end up crash-landing in the lion enclosure at the local safari park.

From a piss-take of Hello magazine, FW had moved into full-on Jackie Collins territory.

[DynastyMan2001]

From a piss-take of Hello magazine, FW had moved into full-on Jackie Collins territory.


I am so glad you sad that, Toby, because I love Jackie Collins' novels and wish they would turn them into primetime soaps because they have all the fixings for such. Oh and what is the length of these shows? An hour or 30 mins?

[Toby]

I am so glad you sad that, Toby, because I love Jackie Collins' novels and wish they would turn them into primetime soaps because they have all the fixings for such. Oh and what is the length of these shows? An hour or 30 mins?

FW is normally an hour long show, but the "series premieres" for both series 3 and 4 have been 90 minutes long.

[Toby]

I didn't find the episodes and storyline featuring Tanya Turner in BAD GIRLS all that sensational.

I agree. Tanya is more suited to prancing around mock Tudor mansions than being banged up. Though it was interesting to see her dressed in dowdy sweats, allowing the inner determination and street smart toughness of the character to really come through.

[Toby]

So, that was it. After last night's episode, we've apparently seen the last of Tanya Turner. A very strange exit I thought, which seemed to condemn her as a genuinely unbalanced blood-sucking sociopath and yet her final scene portrayed her as the ebullient go-getting bitch she'd been in the previous three series. Perhaps the "baby swap" storyline had pushed the character too far into "evil" territory.

Still, there was the visible sign of the programme shifting gears now that Tanya's gone - Amber being promoted to premiere league bitch, the introduction of Roger's son Seb and the prospect of Harley and Shannon becoming reality TV stars.

Strange to think though that Gillian Taylforth (Jackie) is now the only original cast member left.

[Toby]

FOOTBALLERS' WIVES has been renewed for a fifth series.

However, not only has Zoe Lucker (Tanya) now left the show, but there are rumours that series four will be the last for the following: Alison Newman (Hazel), Ben Price (Conrad) and Marcel McCalla (Noah).

[DynastyMan2001]

:sosad: This is sad news indeed...I was just beginning to like them (even though I have not seen one episode) By reading the synopsis on TV Tome and the original site, I found Hazel, Conrad, and Noah extremely interesting and I am a big fan of Tanya Turner. I can't wait for those DVDs to hit the states...

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

I had no idea Jackie was still around! That's good to hear since I always liked her. Anyway, I'm sure I'll get over Tanya's exit. I still haven't seen Chardonnay's for heavens sake! :( I'm going to *really* miss both of them.

Hopefully for the next season and the spinoff, they'll bring back some of the old characters to mix things up.

Footballers Wives: Season Three is on my list of shows to get.

Also on there are...

Dark Shadows: Collection Two
One Tree Hill Season One
Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys Mysteries Season One
Dynasty

I've never seen any of those, except Dynasty and one episode of Nancy Drew so I can't wait to get all of those. I was going to gett OTH and Footie Wives this week, but I found all three seasons of 24 for only $50 so I went with that. :p

[Canon]

Tanya's exit was very disappointing, I was expecting something explosive instead of okay I give up attitude. Talk about giving up without a fight & she sure didnt seem to care about giving up on Conrad especially after the lengths she had gone to be with him. And of course her going off in the helicopter was a rip off of Kim Tate.

[Toby]

Zoe Lucker has hinted in interviews that Tanya might return to FOOTBALLERS' WIVES for a surprise visit at some point in the future.

[James from London]

I watched the first episode of this season yesterday, just to see what it was like. It's fine, but it's not really my cup of tea. I think it's because there's no real core to the series: the thing that connects all the characters is football, but you never see that. Instead, the focus is on the people on the periphery - the wives - with nothing at the centre. As a result, it feels more like a Jackie Collins novel brought to life than a real story. Still, it's unpretentious fun - Hazel especially is always good value - and it doesn't annoy me in the way that DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES does, but I don't think I'll watch anymore

[Toby]

I watched the first episode of this season yesterday, just to see what it was like. It's fine, but it's not really my cup of tea. I think it's because there's no real core to the series: the thing that connects all the characters is football, but you never see that. Instead, the focus is on the people on the periphery - the wives - with nothing at the centre. As a result, it feels more like a Jackie Collins novel brought to life than a real story. Still, it's unpretentious fun - Hazel especially is always good value - and it doesn't annoy me in the way that DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES does, but I don't think I'll watch anymore

The thing about FOOTBALLERS' WIVES is that it isn't really a bona fide soap opera, more a pastiche/satire of one. It uses the soap format and our "Posh and Becks" fixated Hello magazine culture as a launching pad to make points about micro-celebrity, social mobility and the moral weaknesses of the rich. It isn't really as biting or clever as it could/should be, but it is fun, whereas DYNASTY was camp but also strangely solemn and pretentious at the same time. And "spin doctor to the stars" Hazel Bailey is easily the best character in it.

That said, I do think that Tanya's departure is probably a "Jump The Shark" moment for the show. Would Alexis Colby really throw the towel in and leave Denver in disgrace? I think not. The storyline where the tattooed bottoms of the team may reveal the identity of the rapist is like something left over from Carry On Dick, and whilst Bruno Milligan is an okay villain, he hasn't got the same impact as Jason Turner, who was vile but also endearingly stupid. However, Harley and Shannon are a good couple - much more fun than Ian and Donna Walmsley and more likeable than Kyle and Chardonnay. I'm also quite intrigued by where the writers may take Amber's character, now she's on the Earls Park board of directors and has some real clout.

Then again, I suspect that even I might turn off if the rumours of Peter Andre making a cameo appearance in the next episode turn out to be true.

[James from London]

I watched the first two years and really liked Jason and Tanya. That they were the central scheming couple and he was the skipper of the team made dramatic sense, and with Frank Laslett (he'll always be CROSSROADS' Jim Baines to me!) as the manager, there was an almost DALLAS-type hierachy which I liked. You're right, Jason was vile, and compellingly so. Conrad feels a bit lightweight in comparison.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

I read on another forum, that Tanya's exit might've been to throw the audience off and that she'll be back for the final episode of the season for what, I'm guessing, will be a real, more exciting exit.

[Toby]

I watched the first two years and really liked Jason and Tanya. That they were the central scheming couple and he was the skipper of the team made dramatic sense, and with Frank Laslett (he'll always be CROSSROADS' Jim Baines to me!) as the manager, there was an almost DALLAS-type hierachy which I liked.

That's an excellent point that I hadn't realised before. There was a sense of structure in the first series of FOOTBALLERS' WIVES with Jason and Tanya, Kyle and Chardonnay and Ian and Donna representing different "types" of soccer players and their spouses. Admittedly, that has all gone somewhat haywire and the characters no longer seem connected in any real way.

The show is fun, but I think it is past its peak. Even camp/satire needs a stable centre around which to revolve, and FOOTBALLERS' WIVES doesn't really have that anymore.

[James from London]

I think its the same dramatic imbalance that DYNASTY has: by focusing on the female characters in a masculine world, you create "powerful" characters that are ultimately powerless. In one of the DYNASTY DVD reviews, it points out that that series' first season was its only testosterone driven one. Paradoxically, this was when the female characters had the most substance.

[Toby]

I think its the same dramatic imbalance that DYNASTY has: by focusing on the female characters in a masculine world, you create "powerful" characters that are ultimately powerless. In one of the DYNASTY DVD reviews, it points out that that series' first season was its only testosterone driven one. Paradoxically, this was when the female characters had the most substance.

Yes indeed. FOOTBALLERS' WIVES has gone down the same path as DYNASTY. The women (Tanya, Amber, Hazel) have been allowed to dominate the show in a response to its success and the notion that it is the camp factor that drives the series. All the male characters have been dumbed down/emasculated/symbolically castrated etc. thus creating a dramatic vacuum. The last strong male characters on the show were Jason and Frank, both sadly departed, and yeah, Conrad hasn't been much cop as the new "captain" and the supposed object of Tanya and Amber's desires. It's all rather like the whole Alexis-Blake-Krystle triangle in DYNASTY going stale, and the entertainment value coming from the catfights, and after a while, they begin to pall too, since neither can destroy the other without the whole series collapsing around them.

[Toby]

Here's the cover art for the forthcoming US DVD release of series one:

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0008EN6KO.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

Oh my god. That is so much better than the UK cover which I have! I really dont wanna buy it again for such a petty reason, but I think I might, lol.

[Toby]

In case people are wondering, the UK cover for the series one DVDs looks like this:

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00007JGIS.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

There's also a DVD pack containing both series 1 and 2 together:

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B000767R9O.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

[Toby]

Last night's episode was so-so. A parody of "reality TV" with the "At Home With Shannon" scenes, including a gag where the staff at Bruno and Lucy's club turned out to be illegal immigrants from Azerbaijan, and another parody of crap, novelty singles/music videos as Amber releases "Bhangra Bootie".

The idea of Darius cracking up with guilt after recent events was quite novel - and in retrospect the use of Bruno as a nasty, controlling bad guy was a good red herring - but in general, I'm not particularly interested in the character.

Lacking a suitably strong central figure like Tanya, FOOTBALLERS' WIVE$ has drifted into amorphous, unfocused camp satire. The likes of Amber, Hazel, Harley and Shannon are all individually likeable, but none has the presence required to really carry the show.

[WalfordMafia]

Right, the show has lost it's Raging Bull, and is now unfocussed and undriven. Structurally, they could replicate the first season: by making the Lawsons the Whalmseys (more innocent, untarnished), making the Milligans the Turners (fiery, sparky, good-looking), and the Gates the Pascoes. But a better option in my opinion, would be to make Jackie & Roger Webb, and his son Seb, the central dramatic characters. Gillian Tailforth is by far the best actresses on the show (if not, dare I say, television), and after losing her son last season her character seems to have floated around now until settling with Webb. I don't really care for this story that came about yesterday of his son's obvious drug-enhancement taking ("Get in there and piss, god-dammit!"), but at least now by centering on the couple in charge, rather that the footballers themselves, it can excuse the fact that we hardly ever see any on pitch action. If the show cares for any string of realism, then why not hang it on the shoulders of Roger and Jackie and Hazel Baily (before she goes), and take it into the boardroom. Then it wouldn't seem so empty when we see the Players off duty. Just my two cents.

[Canon]

Actually something I didnt realise till I just saw the American DVD cover, the first guy on the cover was in Bad Girls too! Pity he wasnt still in it when Tanya crossed over.

[Toby]

Actually something I didnt realise till I just saw the American DVD cover, the first guy on the cover was in Bad Girls too! Pity he wasnt still in it when Tanya crossed over.

Nathan Constance (Ian Walmsley in FW) previously played prison handyman and later officer Josh Mitchell in BAD GIRLS.

Also, Alison Newman had the role of Hazel Bailey created especially for her after her guest appearance in the second series of BAD GIRLS as vicious gangland wife Renee Williams. Julie Legrand (Janette Dunkley) also turned up in BAD GIRLS as Shell Dockley's mother.

And Zoe Lucker (Tanya) first came to the producers' notice when she auditioned for a part in BAD GIRLS.

[Canon]

What actually happened to both characters?

The actor also played Leon in Dream Team until his character supposedly died in the offscreen plane crash.

[Toby]

I take it you mean in BAD GIRLS?

Josh got married to an inmate, Crystal. She was released and they lived happily ever after.

Renee Williams was a particularly vicious villain who clashed with current top dog Yvonne Atkins, but who got her come-uppance.

[Toby]

I read on another forum, that Tanya's exit might've been to throw the audience off and that she'll be back for the final episode of the season for what, I'm guessing, will be a real, more exciting exit.

Well, Zoe Lucker left FOOTBALLERS' WIVES to star in a new drama made by the same production company, BOMBSHELL (which is yet to debut on British TV), set on an army training camp.

Zoe is still on good terms with the FW producers and hinted that she may return for the odd visit. However, I have read that she is in negotiations to return to FW full-time in series five, so if BOMBSHELL doesn't take off, we'll probably see her again.

I don't think we've seen the last of Tanya at all.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

Bombshell sounds interesting, but if she's playing a Tanya clone, then she should drop it. I also think she should drop Footballers Wives and head to America! She has the talent where I'm sure she could've gotten a great pilot, but she just missed pilot season. Maybe next year, but I could definitely see her getting big here.

[Toby]

To be honest, I'm actually getting bored with FOOTBALLERS' WIVES. Last night's episode was disappointing.

The Bruno-Lucy "domestic abuse" storyline is well-intentioned but shallow, mainly because the characters lack any kind of complexity and depth. Lucy is nice, Bruno is nasty and that's it. It's also odd how FOOTBALLERS' WIVES wants to go down the road of "issue led" storytelling because it's just so inappropriate given the tone of the show. It's like having an episode of PANORAMA presented by Davina McCall.

The one bright spot of the storyline is Hazel's suspicions of Bruno's true nature and concern for Lucy. Alison Newman really is the glue holding this show together, and Hazel, despite being the spin doctor and PR supremo, whitewashing the sleazy activities of the players and their spouses, has actually become the show's moral centre/conscience, e.g. her bollocking of the team after the rape in Spain.

And there's a whiff of sleaziness in the air at the Webb residence as Seb flirts with Jackie. Let's hope that the Webbs don't have a snooker table in their house.

[Toby]

Last night's episode was dull, dull, dull.

Guess who was the celebrity cameo this time? Lionel Blair.

FOOTBALLERS' WIVE$ has jumped the shark and that's a FACT.

[WalfordMafia]

This has been the most bizarrely structured season of almost any television show ever, especially "Footballers Wives". I don't understand why it had to be completely split down the middle: the Barbarella [spain/rape] plot could have underlined the whole series, or at least most of it, instead of being done and totally forgotten in three weeks. Tanya is gone with a whimper and totally forgotten, leaving Conrad & Amber a blissfully happy couple again. Harley & Shannon, aside from being really sweet, have no point to them (this 'nan' thing was the most pointless three weeks ever). Noah & Darius have totally disappeared. The sleazy Webb plot, as well as the Milligan 'abuse' plot, both have been done in one way or another in soaps time and again. It just seems like 'Footballers Wives' has lost the ability it had to tell its own stories so well last season.

The Barbarella Plot, and the Baby Swap plot could have run parallel through the series to give it a really strong, quite dark (but i'm sure told in the FW style, it'd have worked) backbone - like Season 3 had the downward spiral of Kyle Pascoe and the mental nuttiness of Amber Gates develop throughout. As it is, there is nothing. It's just flitting from week to week with no direction at all. There goes the shark, see how it jumps.

incidentally, however: Bruno is bloody gorgeous, so that makes it alright.

[Toby]

Methinks that Shed has spread themselves themselves creatively thin.
In addition to series 4 of FOOTBALLERS' WIVE$ and series 7 of BAD GIRLS, there's also the cable TV "documentary" and the spin-off EXTRA TIME. And their new army camp series BOMBSHELL, which will star Robert Beck (Peter Harrison in BROOKSIDE) and Alicya Eyo (Denny Blood in BAD GIRLS) as well as Zoe Lucker.

[Canon]

If I happen to come across Footballers Wives next week then I'll watch it but I wont be going out of my way to again. The last 3 weeks have been rubbish.

[Toby]

This has been the most bizarrely structured season of almost any television show ever, especially "Footballers Wives". I don't understand why it had to be completely split down the middle: the Barbarella [spain/rape] plot could have underlined the whole series, or at least most of it, instead of being done and totally forgotten in three weeks. Tanya is gone with a whimper and totally forgotten, leaving Conrad & Amber a blissfully happy couple again. Harley & Shannon, aside from being really sweet, have no point to them (this 'nan' thing was the most pointless three weeks ever). Noah & Darius have totally disappeared. The sleazy Webb plot, as well as the Milligan 'abuse' plot, both have been done in one way or another in soaps time and again. It just seems like 'Footballers Wives' has lost the ability it had to tell its own stories so well last season.

The Barbarella Plot, and the Baby Swap plot could have run parallel through the series to give it a really strong, quite dark (but i'm sure told in the FW style, it'd have worked) backbone - like Season 3 had the downward spiral of Kyle Pascoe and the mental nuttiness of Amber Gates develop throughout. As it is, there is nothing. It's just flitting from week to week with no direction at all. There goes the shark, see how it jumps.

Exactly. FOOTBALLERS WIVE$ has always been tacky and trivial, but it was by virtue of the series being a satire, there was some purpose to the tackiness. You were meant to laugh at Kyle and Chardonnay's fairy-tale wedding, complete with thrones and sleeping dwarves. Now it's just a show about nothing with no balance and structure whatsoever.

Series four is overall a failure. Stories are swiftly played out and then thrown away with no consequences - currently, it's almost as if Tanya Turner never existed. There's the potential to make Darius a genuinely dark character in the same manner as Kyle's decline and fall in series three but he's been despatched to a hospital to deal with his trauma offscreen.

The whole baby swap story was a complete miscalculation. The point about the Tanya-Amber rivalry in the third series was that neither of them was sympathetic - there was genuine tension a la Alexis and Sable in DYNASTY between these two devious bitches fighting for the same man, Conrad, and thus alpha female status amongst the wives. From the moment that Tanya's baby - passed off as Amber's - accidentally died, our sympathies were with Amber and the whole conflict became so much less interesting as a result. And Tanya herself changed from a multi-faceted character to a boring, evil, scheming sociopath. There should've been a private moment with Tanya on her own, consumed with grief at the death of her child, knowing conclusively thanks to Amber organising a paternity test that it is Conrad, not Frank, who was the father after all, and all her plotting had been pointless. But there was nothing, and the characters/story became one-dimensional.

And as Amber goes on to become a pop star, where has baby Phoenix got to?

Really, the show is a mess and Hazel Bailey is the only solid character there. And the bad news is that she's on her way out too.

[Toby]

The final episode of series four is on this Thursday, and it may very well be the last time I watch it at all. Even when Tanya was still on board, this current series has lost it.

[Toby]

the Barbarella [spain/rape] plot could have underlined the whole series, or at least most of it, instead of being done and totally forgotten in three weeks.

I think that Katie might be returning for the last episode. But yes, the whole "rape revenge" story in no way delivered on its I Spit On Your Grave potential, aside from the "symbolism" of Katie chopping up some courgettes in a fit of pique!

[memsey]

who's in the spin off? what happened to carl this season i missesd the last one did jackie sllep with the boy?

[Toby]

who's in the spin off? what happened to carl this season i missesd the last one did jackie sllep with the boy?

FOOTBALLERS' WIVE$: EXTRA TIME apparently is centred around Tanya's sister, and promises to be even more tacky and raunchy than the original series if that's possible.

As for Jackie and Seb's liaison, it was left ambiguous. Seb got Jackie so drunk that she couldn't remember what happened so I happen to think that Seb made it look as they slept together even though they didn't. Strongly planting the seed of doubt in Jackie's mind is arguably as effective as actually doing it. I wasn't sure where this storyline was going, but Seb has proved to quite a manipulative character.

The final episode of the current series is on tonight at 9 p.m. I've been generally disappointed by this series, so I imagine that it will the last time I ever go out of my way to watch the show.

[WalfordMafia]

generally, this episode was alright (the shooting scenes were good, as was Shannon mourning her tits), but it was made all the worse by it not being in any way a decent finale to what has now been a totally lacklustre season. If they want ITV2 to rival BBC3 in premiering new drama, then fine. But suggesting that you can only see the actual finale of this series if you watch the start of the spin-off is utter crap, and quite unfair. And besides, why bother getting into the lifeboat if the mother ship aint up to scratch?

"Extra Time" looks like the cheap and nasty porn version of 'Footballers Wives', anyway.

[Toby]

To be quite honest, I'm not really interested in learning the outcome because I just don't care about any of the characters. Tanya may not have been likeable (I think that was the point) but she was charismatic. And series 4 didn't even do her character any favours.

I think that FOOTBALLERS' WIVE$ and myself have now gone our separate ways.

[Toby]

"Extra Time" looks like the cheap and nasty porn version of 'Footballers Wives', anyway.

It certainly does. Nicholas Ball is apparently following in John Forgeham's footsteps and appears in it. The characters of Seb, Shannon and the Milligans will also be crossing over to EXTRA TIME. Amber also appears in at least the first episode.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

So I take it FW has jumped the shark? LOL! But I won't give up on it. On a series with 8 episodes, it's hard to rebound if something isn't working. On a US series with around 24 episodes, they have a chance to fix it if it isn't working. Hopefully next year FW can get back on it's footing.

The problem I've found is that they are pulling a Dynasty in that they will do ANYTHING to shock their viewers to the point where it's far too ridiculous for you to care.

Oh well, still looking forward to Extra Time, though I was hoping it would take place in a new city with an entire new set of characters. From what i hear it's just Footballers Wives with a couple new characters in the same location. It's been confusing.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

Okay I checked the website and I'm a lot less confused about Extra Time! It actually looks better than this current season of Footballers Wives. The actresses are prettier too.

[Mike]

"Extra Time" looks like the cheap and nasty porn version of 'Footballers Wives', anyway.

Your absolutely right, i watched it last night just to see the outcome of the FWs finale, what a complete and utter load of :grrr: crap it was. Totally made to appeal to the lowest common denominator.
TV like this makes me angry, it was just so badly written and acted :mad:

I know Footballers wives isnt intellectual tv but it can be enjoyable nonsense, extra time was just sh*t tv.

[Toby]

Your absolutely right, i watched it last night just to see the outcome of the FWs finale, what a complete and utter load of :grrr: crap it was. Totally made to appeal to the lowest common denominator.
TV like this makes me angry, it was just so badly written and acted :mad:

I know Footballers wives isnt intellectual tv but it can be enjoyable nonsense, extra time was just sh*t tv.

Thanks. I was hoping that somebody would watch EXTRA TIME and give their verdict, so I wouldn't have to!!

The official website can be found by clicking here. (http://www.footballerswives.tv/extratime/index.html)

The FOOTBALLERS' WIVE$ characters appearing in EXTRA TIME will be Amber Gates, Bruno and Lucy Milligan, Harley and Shannon Lawson, Seb Webb and Katie Jones.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

Wow, in a shock move, I just saw a promo from last saturday's The Office (which I'm just watching) that says Footballers Wives is joining BBC AMerican in July!

It's being promoted as another Desperate Housewives, the only thing relating to the show you see is the logo.

But, this doesn't me no good becauseI already have seasons one and two on DVD and plan on buying the third soon. Hopefully this will get the show some noteriety here.

[Toby]

So I take it FW has jumped the shark? LOL! But I won't give up on it. On a series with 8 episodes, it's hard to rebound if something isn't working. On a US series with around 24 episodes, they have a chance to fix it if it isn't working. Hopefully next year FW can get back on it's footing.

It's possible, but I think they need to get Zoe Lucker back on board to give the series a strong central character again. The character of Amber, whilst good, can't carry the show in the same way as Tanya did, and with the departures of Conrad and Hazel, she no longer has anyone to bounce off.

[DynastyMan2001]

I just read on Digital Spy.com that Zoe Tucker turned down another series of FW, saying that she was tired of the nude scenes and that she has most definately put Tanya Turner to bed.... More power to her and her choices as an actress, I just can't wait to see her in action Tuesday though. I hope she finds happiness in her career and hope her nothing but the best.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

I think that Digital Spy article was very tabloid. If she really didn't want to be nude I'm sure they would've cut out any nude scenes to get her back. I'm guessing her exit is more because of Bombshell and the fact that she's wanted to move on for a while now.

[WalfordMafia]

Although I like the characters of Amber, Bruno, Shannon and Harley, I'd have hoped that the producers would have the same dignity and put the show to bed: It's never healthy for a show like this to hinge on one character, and without Tanya for much of this season, "Footballers Wives" felt hollow and directionless. Apparently "Bombshell", however, isn't the follow-on show that is going to blaze her trail.... apparently it's a load of barracks.

[DynastyMan2001]

I think that Digital Spy article was very tabloid. If she really didn't want to be nude I'm sure they would've cut out any nude scenes to get her back. I'm guessing her exit is more because of Bombshell and the fact that she's wanted to move on for a while now.


The article's headline wasn't about she was tired of the nudity, as much as she didn't want to play the same character again. It was about the lump sum of money she turned down and they asked why and she listed reasons with that being one of the reasons. As far as Bombshell goes, it might be a different venue for her in that the role might be the recipricol (sp?) of FW and most tv actresses like to go for roles that are different from their already solidified tv personas.

[david1987]

Footballer's Wives should be moved to some late night cable channel, its the same as those "late night" movies, hardly any story but filled with sex

[DynastyMan2001]

Does anyone know where I can find any type of Footballers Wives, Extra Time, and Bad Girls video or audio files online? Like opening credits or scenes? I bought FW on DVD but through Amazon.com and I won't get it till about this weekend or next week, but I want to view something before then.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

Try www.Footballerswives.tv

There is also a great site for Extra Time. I can't wait until you see it! Season One is very very good. Season Two is my favorite of the two, but both are really amazing and well plotted/acted.

[DynastyMan2001]

Try www.Footballerswives.tv

There is also a great site for Extra Time. I can't wait until you see it! Season One is very very good. Season Two is my favorite of the two, but both are really amazing and well plotted/acted.


I visit that site daily and there is no media on there anywhere. Same with Extra Time and Bad Girls. Can someone tell me how the opening credits are and the theme song? Of each show?

[Toby]

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00013KCJK.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

[DynastyMan2001]

After purchasing the first season of Footballers Wives on DVD I can say that it is now the equivalent to crack for me.

I am so damn IN LOVE with this show! I love everything about it. I enjoyed seeing how the show took on a sort of movie look and how real the stories were. I mostly enjoyed the last two episodes that introduced the goddess known as Hazel Bailey. I can understand why "all of Britain wept" when she left the show. To me she stole every scene she was in and bounced perfectly off of everyone else she had a scene with. The one thing that shocked me was how much I was disgusted with Ian Wamsley. I was hoping he would be the cool level-headed one, but at time I didn't know who to hate the most...him or Jason. Jason looks like he would have made J.R. Ewing proud as would Tanya would have made Alexis proud. I am so shocked at the season ending episode and damn near had a fit when I realized I would have to wait till God knows when for the rest of the seasons to be released here...Now I am going to go buy Bad Girls and fall in love with that.

[Toby]

The article's headline wasn't about she was tired of the nudity, as much as she didn't want to play the same character again. It was about the lump sum of money she turned down and they asked why and she listed reasons with that being one of the reasons. As far as Bombshell goes, it might be a different venue for her in that the role might be the recipricol (sp?) of FW and most tv actresses like to go for roles that are different from their already solidified tv personas.

Well, BOMBSHELL has all the signs of being a flop. It was scheduled to air this spring, but has now been shelved, and there's rumours that it will (eventually) go out on ITV2. Doesn't sound very promising.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

Bombshell does seem like a mess from all I've heard. They need to go back and film a finale then just release the show. Zoe Lucker needs to come to the US I say. She has too much talent to waste on things like Bombshell which is just like a continuation of FW. Same type of series.

It's like if Donna Mills left Knots Landing and joined Dynasty or Dallas. It would be a bit of a waste.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

Casting troubles for 'Footballers' Wives'?
Sunday, July 3 2005, 10:37 BST -- by Daniel Kilkelly


Footballers' Wives producers are struggling to cast four lead roles, with just three weeks to go before a new series begins filming.

A host of new characters will be appearing in the next series, after most of the current stars were axed or quit the show.

Last week, Jamie Davies, better known as Harley on the ITV1 drama, was dropped from the programme. Zoe Lucker (Tanya), Ben Price (Conrad), Alison Newman (Hazel), Marcel McCalla (Noah) and Elaine Glover (Katie) have also left the show.

"A lot of people are sweating here," an insider told The People. "We're working at double speed to be ready."

Sarah Matravers and Nicholas Ball, who play Joley Slater and Gerry Ryan on ITV2 spin-off show Extra Time, will be joining the main cast for the next series.

The casting delay is being blamed on the Extra Time spin-off, which has kept producers busy in the run-up to the new series.

"It took up a lot of the summer and our normal preparation time," the insider added.

Producer Cameron Roach explained, "I'm in the process of casting but I hope to be done in a week or so."
------------------
Do they usually film the seasons this far in advance? Maybe they plan to do another season that'll air this year.

I don't know what's going on with all these cast problems they have. They just can't keep cast members! I think they should try and bring back some old people. It's no point in having a spinoff and main series with all new people on both. There should be links. They could easily bring back Donna and Ian or Salvatore and Freddy.

I also hope the casting goes well. They should get some names, maybe even bring on a couple US stars to join the cast. That would be really cool.

[ChrisSumnerMatheson]

Tonight was supposed to be the night I start watching Bad Girls, then my Footballers Wives: Season Three dvds arrived and that was put on hold once again! :p Right now, I am a little speechless! The show was brilliant.

:hello: SEASON THREE SPOILERS! IF YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW, DON'T READ!
:hello:

I of course knew the cast was revamped, but I had absolutely no idea that is was an entirely new show. I also had no idea that they could ever top S2, but they've already done that in spades.

- The production values are much better. The picture is crisp like a movie/American production
- The clothes are fantastic. Really expensive and what we should've been getting from the start.
- The locations are more exotic. I believe they went to Miami in S2, but now they're in Thailand?! Amazing.
- The sets are more lavish and not as small as they were before.

And the most important thing, ALL the new characters rock! In both seasons one and two, there were more than a few weak links, none of which are to be found here. Every new character is played by a good actor and they're being written well.

From the moment I saw Conrad and Amber, I was in love. I don't know how Tanya turned down sleeping with these two. They just ooze sex and I love it. I can't wait to see more of them throughout season four. I can't believe Conrad will be exiting. I'll also say that he is much more exciting than Jason and Amber is doing a good job of filling Chardonnay's void, but I have a feeling, Shannon will be more similar to her.

Speaking of...

I LOVED the way they handled Susie Amy's exit. I thought Chardonnay would get some BS reason for not being there, but her death actually made sense and the fact that they did a flashback with her killing Jason gave me closure. That's all I wanted, something new from her and the mystery they gave was very well done.

Tanya and Frank as a couple ROCK. Both characters were brilliant from the start, now they've reached an all time high. I would've probably put her with Darius, but this is very interesting and opens her up to an entire new world. I can't wait to see her exerting some of that power.

Roger and Jackie are also a very good pair. I didn't see how they would keep her with the show, but it works. I can't wait to see more of both her and Kyle. His breakdown is going well. Gary Lucy's skills have definitely improved.

Now I just can't wait to see more episodes and S4! I know yall say it sucks, but hey, I'm going to risk it. This new FW is amazing. Million times better than what we had before.

[Toby]

Yes, series three is jolly good stuff. Like a pure trash high.

[James from London]

Interesting US review of FOOTBALLERS WIVES:*
*
Entertainment Weekly
WEDNESDAY, August 3, 2005
TV Review

Footballers Wive$
*
Reviewed by Henry Goldblatt

*

*
BAWDY ENGLISH BBC America ditches the class act for a cheesy (and addictive) soccer soap
*

The summer of 2005 may well be remembered as the moment when Univision's sensibility invaded American network TV—from the toothy, obsequious host of Hit Me Baby One More Time to the garish outfits and overly stylized opening credits of Dancing With the Stars, prime time is starting to resemble one never-ending episode of Sábado Gigante.

That's what makes the premiere of BBC America's Footballers Wive$ (the dollar sign is their flourish, not mine) so timely. The promotional slogan — ''If you're feeling desperate this summer, BBC America has a whole new set of housewives'' — and familiar time slot could lead you to believe that the soap, which focuses on the lives of three football (American translation: soccer) families, is just a kick and a header from Desperate Housewives. But the series, which lacks all of DH's intelligence, wit, and irreverence, more closely resembles a telenovela. Yes, classy BBC America has served up a trashy soap.

As trashy soaps go, Wive$ is a pretty decent one. In a perpetually cloudy English town live football team captain/villain Jason Turner (Cristian Solimeno), his Alexis Carrington of a wife, Tanya (Zöe Lucker), nouveau-riche Donna (Katharine Monaghan) and Ian (Nathan Constance), and tabloid magnets Posh and Becks — excuse me, Chardonnay (Susie Amy) and Kyle (Gary Lucy). The sixsome dish up meaty helpings of adultery, fake suicide, attempted murder, adoption, and burnt bosoms — just in the first two shows alone. Not a sports fan? Not a problem. Season 1's eight episodes, which originally aired in Britain in 2002, contain approximately 50 seconds of actual football.

The payoff with this type of show isn't in the story lines — Tanya's coke problem seemingly disappears partway through the season, as does Donna and Ian's supposedly cherished out-of-wedlock child — but in the no-they-didn't moments. And Wive$ delivers plenty of those: a nurse sexually gratifying herself with a comatose man's hand; a wedding that begins Snow White-style with the ''sleeping'' bride (flanked by children dressed as dwarves) awakened by the groom's kiss; and a spectacular meltdown in which Chardonnay copes with the aforementioned bosoms flambé by lopping off her luxurious locks into a Courtney Love 'do.

Wive$' rhythm and earnestness will seem dated to fans of current American soaps, who are accustomed to self-aware, O.C. dialogue. The love scenes are more jarring than sexy, as these Brits don't seem to believe in foreplay. And the acting? Well, the show is lucky to have the talented Lucker, who convincingly spits out barbs as sharp as Tanya's bobbed haircut (the producers must agree, since — spoiler alert! — she's the only original regular who's made it to season 4, which just aired in Britain). It's less fortunate to employ the gap-toothed Monaghan, a graduate of the London branch of the Andrew Shue School of Acting (TM), who recites each line as if she can't remember what brand of crisps she was supposed to pick up at Sainsbury's. At least she has the right food on her mind: Wive$ is airy and cheese-flavored and leaves you wanting more. Grade: B